November is my bitterest blogging time of the year. There is a little known fact that just about everyone on WordPress is participating in NaNoWriMo, NaBloPoMo, or Movember and I just have one thing to say to all these weirdos. Thanks a whole lot. I mean it. Now that you people will be busy writing all your happy and interesting stories, you won’t have time to bother me or my blog. I will be like Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) from Home Alone, where I can blog at home about all the things I don’t like about you and your blogs and you won’t be reading them and you won’t be bothering me. Maybe a couple of bumbling WordPress criminals will stalk my blog house in order to steal bitter words from me, but I will foil them with fake silhouettes of reader comments to fool them into thinking that all sorts of people are visiting my bitter blogs this month. So enjoy your boring vacation in sunny Hawaiipress.
“So tell me Bitter Ben, what did I miss this week?” BB asked.
“I’m glad you asked, Bitter Ben, since I didn’t read everything I wrote,” Bitter Ben retorted.
“Well, I wrote three posts. On Tuesday, I did a post called Download Bitterness,” BB said bitterly.
“Why?” Bitter Ben asked.
“Cause my Xbox took over an hour to download a 600 MB file, but it has taken me 40 years to download about 1% of math. Just kind of bitter about things taking so long,” says BB.
“What else?” Bitter Ben asks curiously.
“Well, on Thursday, since it was Halloween, I thought I give Bitter Reasons for Being Tall, because it has zero things in common with Halloween. I’m thematic like that,” BB says.
“Anything else I can avoid reading?” Bitter Ben says.
“Yesterday I did the Friday Picture post, you know the boring one where I just find pictures from the internet and write stuff about them?” Bitter Ben says.
“Yeah, you are such a lazy turd,” BB says.
“Did you Twitter anything this week?” Bitter Ben says.
“Well, duh. Lots to be bitter about in 140 characters.”
“Were there any good comments?” Bitter Ben asks.
“You mean besides mine? Not really. But there are these,” BB says.
“I’ve always believed running is the root of all evil. Now I know for sure.” – She’s a Maineiac
“You strive to submerge to the lowest level of expectations. That takes talent. ” – Floridabourne
“It makes me a little sad to know that my kids will never know that tortured feline sound the internets used to make in the olden days.” – Kaela Moore
“I’m at -8% download. Not a good day. ” – Kerry’s Organized Chaos
“Such trauma! Have you seen anyone about this? Bitter Halloween, Tall Face! ” – Swimming to my 50’s
Some Bonus Pictures of my Month of Blogging Alone:
I’m not prejudice, I’m bitter about everyone the same:
Stars make me think of you.
Since I will be standing in line a lot people should know not to stand close to me.
“Anything else you want to share today?” Bitter Ben asked.
“Yeah, can’t wait to tell myself all the bitter things that no one else will get to read this month. I’m going to fall well short of 50,000 words too. Cause that many words make me bitter.”
“Thanks a lot, Bitter Ben,” BB says sarcastically.
“Arrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh,” Bitter Ben said.
Bitter Home Alone Ben
- If you are Bitter and Lazy like me you missed it…. (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- In case you got lost on the internet highway and didn’t find your way to Bitter Street.. (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- If you missed bitterness this week, your aim was a little off (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)