Yesterday, I went to Safeway at 5:30 am to get some mayonnaise. Actually, Miracle Whip. I like to put fake cheese on bread with preservatives and fake mayonnaise. I am a man of simple, artificial tastes. Some people like “real” cheese and “real” mayonnaise (I’m talking to you dad) on some sort of “real” bad tasting bread. Not me. But why was I at the grocery store at 5:30 am to get Miracle Whip? Because I needed enough Miracle Whip to last me a week. It takes a lot of work to avoid not only vegatables, but also fruits. Actually, the real reason I needed Miracle Whip at 5:30 am was because in the Seattle area, the grocery store worker union was going to strike at 7 pm and I wasn’t sure when I would next be able to buy any quantities of Miracle Whip.
The disaster of me not being able to get unhealthy food was averted an hour later. But I was really hungry for the hour and at the time, didn’t know when or where my next meal would come from. I tried taking up gardening in my backyard but couldn’t find a shovel, or any seeds and it wasn’t raining. It was also too cold out, so I never actually made it outside. I was actually just groaning on the couch complaining about a commercial with a juicy hamburger that looked really tasty. But if the strike had gone on for many years more, I might have been forced to get up off the couch and considered doing something about it.
As most of you don’t know there was a strike you probably didn’t hear about. It was a federal government shut down, but since the government is almost always not in session, no one really noticed. What I am starting to notice is that there is a trend in strikes, or what I call laziness. What is next, a garbage strike, a gas strike, or a stike in baseball(for the Seattle Mariners that would have been the first strike they have thrown all season)?
Because I am so sick of hearing about strikes, I’ve decided to start my own strike. Thanks to Google, I found out that today is the 216th anniversary of the first parachute jump(I get all my knowlege from Google and Wikipedia. Books are too hard to read.) Just reading about how much air there is in the, uh air has made me really unrighteously indignant. I can’t take it anymore. I am going to start an air strike. I am going to get in an jetplane, fly high above the overpopulated air and start a firework display with the missles attached to the jet. I will aim these fireworks toward the government strike as sign of good will toward whatever they are striking about. Maybe it will help their cause.
I’ve also decided to strike about other things. I am going to start a strike against traffic. Until traffic stops being so busy, I will refuse to ride in it. No more car rides to work, no more buses, trains, motorscooters, trams, airplanes, helicopters, or even bicycle rides until all traffic ceases. Please join my strike by not doing anything.
I am going to start a meeting strike. Miscommunication, working out problems on your own, and independence have been mistreated for far too long by the neediness of meetings. Instead of failing as a team by having meetings, I say we work more individually to fail. For everything we learn, all the inspiration we get, and all the assignments we get, we all know that those things are immediately forgotten the moment we step out of meetings and throw all our notes in the recycle bin(come on, I have to recycle trash).
So go ahead and pick one. Strike about something. It is so much easier to complain about work than actually working. Also, let me know if you have any ideas for a strike. I may even join your cause if it involves laying on the couch.
Bitter Striker Ben
- No grocery strike in Seattle (bizjournals.com)
- Strike threatened at Puget-area grocery stores (kansascity.com)
- Grocery strike would have big effect in Ballard (ballardnewstribune.com)