Strike Bitterness

Liking Miracle Whip is not so bad.

Liking Miracle Whip is not so bad.

Yesterday, I went to Safeway at 5:30 am to get some mayonnaise.  Actually, Miracle Whip.  I like to put fake cheese on bread with preservatives and fake mayonnaise.  I am a man of simple, artificial tastes.  Some people like “real” cheese and “real” mayonnaise (I’m talking to you dad) on some sort of “real” bad tasting bread.  Not me.  But why was I at the grocery store at 5:30 am to get Miracle Whip? Because I needed enough Miracle Whip to last me a week.  It takes a lot of work to avoid not only vegatables, but also fruits. Actually, the real reason I needed Miracle Whip at 5:30 am was because in the Seattle area, the grocery store worker union was going to strike at 7 pm and I wasn’t sure when I would next be able to buy any quantities of Miracle Whip.

Yeah.  The day I had to go a whole hour without food.

Otherwise known as the day I had to go a whole hour without food.

The disaster of me not being able to get unhealthy food was averted an hour later. But I was really hungry for the hour and at the time, didn’t know when or where my next meal would come from.  I tried taking up gardening in my backyard but couldn’t find a shovel, or any seeds and it wasn’t raining.  It was also too cold out, so I never actually made it outside.  I was actually just groaning on the couch complaining about a commercial with a juicy hamburger that looked really tasty.  But if the strike had gone on for many years more, I might have been forced to get up off the couch and considered doing something about it.

If baseball started a strike it would be the Mariners first all season.

If baseball started a strike it would be the Mariners first all season.

As most of you don’t know there was a strike you probably didn’t hear about.  It was a federal government shut down, but since the government is almost always not in session, no one really noticed.  What I am starting to notice is that there is a trend in strikes, or what I call laziness.  What is next, a garbage strike, a gas strike, or a stike in baseball(for the Seattle Mariners that would have been the first strike they have thrown all season)?

 

So tired of the overabundance of this.

So tired of the overabundance of this.

 

Because I am so sick of hearing about strikes, I’ve decided to start my own strike. Thanks to Google, I found out that today is the 216th anniversary of the first parachute jump(I get all my knowlege from Google and Wikipedia.  Books are too hard to read.) Just reading about how much air there is in the, uh air has made me really unrighteously indignant.  I can’t take it anymore.  I am going to start an air strike.  I am going to get in an jetplane, fly high above the overpopulated air and start a firework display with the missles attached to the jet.  I will aim these fireworks toward the government strike as sign of good will toward whatever they are striking about.  Maybe it will help their cause.

I’ve also decided to strike about other things. I am going to start a strike against traffic.  Until traffic stops being so busy, I will refuse to ride in it.  No more car rides to work, no more buses, trains, motorscooters, trams, airplanes, helicopters, or even bicycle rides until all traffic ceases.  Please join my strike by not doing anything.

Nope.

Nope.

I am going to start a meeting strike.  Miscommunication, working out problems on your own, and independence have been mistreated for far too long by the neediness of meetings.  Instead of failing as a team by having meetings, I say we work more individually to fail.  For everything we learn, all the inspiration we get, and all the assignments we get, we all know that those things are immediately forgotten the moment we step out of meetings and throw all our notes in the recycle bin(come on, I have to recycle trash).

So go ahead and pick one.  Strike about something.  It is so much easier to complain about work than actually working.  Also, let me know if you have any ideas for a strike.  I may even join your cause if it involves laying on the couch.

Arrrggghhh

Bitter Striker Ben

 

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58 thoughts on “Strike Bitterness

  1. Pingback: If you missed bitterness this week, your aim was a little off | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I will soooo join you on a Meetings Strike. Seriously– I feel like I spend half my workday in meetings, watching people go “oh, was I supposed to do that?” *shuffles papers* “Let’s keep that on the agenda for the next meeting.”
    KILL!

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  3. Are you feeling “food insecure”? That seems to be the new term for hungry or not having enough food to eat. Sounds like you are Miracle Whip Insecure. They must have jars in city food banks, check it out.

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  4. I definitely favor Miracle Whip over mayonnaise, which my husband insists on pronouncing “mah-naise” as if he’s from Boston or something. Though I’m not bitter about it. What is in mayonnaise anyway?

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  5. May I start a sympathetic/empathetic strike from a broad abroad during which I strike fear into young people’s hearts with the threat of using your air strike to eliminate corn syrup thereby ridding the world of grape koolaid and all subsequent hankering for artificial foods? Or I could go back and count my belly button fluff collection again.

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  6. i am striking against typing up board minutes. it’s boring. instead, i will be contributing to the world on a much bigger scale by posting a response to this bitter post.

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  7. ACCORDING TO MY DESK CALENDAR, TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. IN HONOR OF THAT HOLIDAY AND THIS POST, I’VE DECIDED TO START A STRIKE ON SPEAKING IN A NON-SHOUTY VOICE IN MY COMMENTS. I SUSPECT MY DEMANDS WILL BE MET AS SOON AS I POST THIS RESPONSE.

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