I want to stare at you bitterly before destroying you in debates, long feuds on the beach, etc.
Hi, Bitter People and others. There is something that I want to get off my chest. I have to admit that lately I’ve been feeling empty. Don’t get me wrong. Being bitter is great and all. But I have been missing something my whole life and this morning I finally figured what it was. I need a bitter rival to share a passionate bitter feud with.
I want what these guys have. Bitter looks and the intent to destroy each other.
If Auburn and Alabama, Superman and Lex Luthor, Batman and the Joker can have that special Bitter Rivalry, why can’t I? All my life, I have stood alone in my bitterness and that’s what I thought that bitter people were supposed to do. Every once in a while someone would come along that I would feud with that would stoke the fires of my bitterness for a time, but then they would just get comfortable with me and tolerate it. I need more people. So, I’ve scoured the malls, climbed high mountains(hills really), sought them on television and books, I even tried bitter sites on the internet like bitter.com, bittersweet.com and even tried Bitterrivals.com and found nothing. So I have swallowed my pride(not at all) and decided to place a personal ad for a bitter rival on my blog. Here goes:
40 yr old Bitter Male, seeking Soulfeud with Bitter Rival, Enjoys: long feuds on the beach, blog, outside, inside, upside down, inside out, in a box, with a fox, in a room, with some doom, in a boxing ring, with a spoiled king, bitter eggs and ham. Also, enjoys sitting on couch fuming, watching television stewing, and being passive aggressive at all times.
Things we can Feud about: sweet people, nice things, small talk, phones, animals(cats especially), trees, plants, fresh air, exersize, candy, poetry, flowers, bright things like diamonds, the sun, light, good grammar and spelling.
Places we can feud: WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, inside, outside(prefer inside)
You could exersize while I spot….PHOTO COURTESY OF http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk
Attributes I’m seeking in a Bitter Rival: Positivity, inner goodness, optomism, passion to find something good in even the most vile, willingness to overlook bad things happening in life. Must enjoy: making me bitter without knowing it, being outdoorsy, hiking, tenting, biking. Enjoys talking and filling every empty awkward silence with more awkward dialogue about nothing.
Superpowers preferred but not required.
If you think you have what it takes to be my bitter rival, leave something in the comments below, so I can bitterly oppose it.
I can’t wait to bitterly destroy you in all our future feuds.
Arrrghhhh
Your Bitter Rival
Bitter Ben
Related articles
- Bitter Contest Where you could win something (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Mother’s Day Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Tent Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Hope you have a WONDERFUL day cupcake! Filled with love, happiness, peace and harmony! ❤ Yup… I did it. I left a HEART on your lovely page!
LikeLike
Oh believe me, I’ve got about a thousand things that I have to be bitter about, so that won’t be happening. I wish you all the bitterness this terrible Friday.
LikeLike
Well, I wish you love and happiness. So 😛
LikeLike
And I wish you more bitterness.
LikeLike
I’ll simply lean back and let hit someone else. You aren’t converting me. I’m sweet, positive, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I LOVE life! I hope my optimism causes you to vomit!
LikeLike
I would be glad that your optimism made me vomit. Then I would have to be bitter about the vile smell and more complaining would ensue.
LikeLike
What could you possibly complain about? You’ve been reduced to vomiting! Life should be picture perfect! No?
LikeLike
No way. I’ve got all kinds of things to complain about. For instance, I just had a free cookie but it wasn’t quite big enough. Also, there was no milk included, so how am I supposed to enjoy those two tastes together. Also, why was the cookie not warm. The company that made them couldn’t deliver them faster. I’ve got all kinds of things to be bitter about!
LikeLike
OMG You get free cookies?! I’m jealous! I’m envious. And without the milk, you were able to savor the flavor or the cookie alone. That’s bliss right there.
LikeLike
I figure if they give you free cookies they should at least make them to your liking. Come on free cookies people! How am I supposed to not be bitter about that?
LikeLike
It’s free you ass! Take the FREE cookies and be grateful!!!
LikeLike
That is where I’m putting the jalapeno remember? Settle down now. I’ve got a lot of first world problems to complain about.
LikeLike
Oh, it’s ON!
LikeLike
It’s already been broughten! Be ready for a bitter batch of bad bread!
LikeLike
Pingback: Bittercast | Ben's Bitter Blog
Pingback: My Bitter Rights | Ben's Bitter Blog
Bitter Ben, I’m only in if arm wrestling is involved. Thanks for stopping by my blog!
LikeLike
An arm wrestling tourney can be arranged as long as it is an epically bitter arm wrestling feud.
LikeLike
Oh, it will be. It will be the bitterest. Scowls, furrowed brows, and bitter grunts.
LikeLike
It will be televised and put on Youtube and per-per-view, so you better bring it because I will be in the finals.
LikeLike
Pingback: Summer Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog
Oh, you are such sweetheart. I can feel the love just oozing through this curmudgeonly proposition. I wish you only love, unicorns and happiness in your search for a bitter rival. I would apply but I am a nasty bitch so I guess I don’t qualify. Mwah!
LikeLike
Sounds like you would be more of an ally than a rival. Although bitter people and nasty people would feud a lot too, so we would probably be in the same league, but be fighting all the time.
LikeLike
Well, count me in. I’m ready for a complete bitch-slapping verbal knock down. Bring it on!
LikeLike
Sounds bitter. Let the smack down begin on Youtube.
LikeLike
Pingback: Picasso Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog
I have no IDEa why your bitterness makes my day, but it does.
LikeLike
I have no idea either. My bitterness should never make anyone’s day ever.
LikeLike
Good one, thanks for the add.
LikeLike
Bitter about it, but I do it.
LikeLike
Pingback: Super Bitterness for real | Ben's Bitter Blog
I’m not a very good intentional rival, which I think fits your ad. But I don’t talk a lot. Please just let me know if I can help! :~)
LikeLike
I don’t talk a lot either, just write a lot. I appreciate your desire to be a rival and I will review your application.
LikeLike
HA! Thanks for your consideration. :~)
Oh, I mean, GRRRRR. 😦
LikeLike
Sounds like you are starting to lean to the bitter side. Which means you aren’t rival material.
LikeLike
Pingback: Post Office Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog
My cupcake blog makes me a sweet contender for the bitter-feud match. It would be great! Bittersweet (chocolate) vs. Semi-sweet (chocolate).
LikeLike
Welcome to the bitter feud sweet cupcake person!
LikeLike
Pingback: Kickstarter Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog
Your blog is actually hilarious, I feel by finding it funny its irony at its finest since I should be bitter, but whether that makes me friend or foe i’ll leave it to you to decide.
LikeLike
Probably more of an ally because you tilt towards the bitter much more than the sweet.
LikeLike