Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with

I want to stare at you bitterly before destroying you in debates, long feuds on the beach, etc.

I want to stare at you bitterly before destroying you in debates, long feuds on the beach, etc.

Hi, Bitter People and others.  There is something that I want to get off my chest.  I have to admit that lately I’ve been feeling empty.  Don’t get me wrong.  Being bitter is great and all.  But I have been missing something my whole life and this morning I finally figured what it was.  I need a bitter rival to share a passionate bitter feud with.

I want what these guys have.  Bitter looks and the intent to destroy each other.

I want what these guys have. Bitter looks and the intent to destroy each other.

If Auburn and Alabama, Superman and Lex Luthor, Batman and the Joker can have that special Bitter Rivalry, why can’t I? All my life, I have stood alone in my bitterness and that’s what I thought that bitter people were supposed to do.  Every once in a while someone would come along that I would feud with that would stoke the fires of my bitterness for a time, but then they would just get comfortable with me and tolerate it.   I need more people.  So, I’ve scoured the malls, climbed high mountains(hills really), sought them on television and books, I even tried bitter sites on the internet like bitter.com, bittersweet.com and even tried Bitterrivals.com and found nothing.  So I have swallowed my pride(not at all) and decided to place a personal ad for a bitter rival on my blog.  Here goes:

40 yr old Bitter Male, seeking Soulfeud with Bitter Rival, Enjoys: long feuds on the beach, blog, outside, inside, upside down, inside out, in a box, with a fox, in a room, with some doom, in a boxing ring, with a spoiled king, bitter eggs and ham.  Also, enjoys sitting on couch fuming, watching television stewing, and being passive aggressive at all times.

Things we can Feud about: sweet people, nice things, small talk, phones, animals(cats especially), trees, plants, fresh air, exersize, candy, poetry, flowers, bright things like diamonds, the sun, light, good grammar and spelling.

Places we can feud: WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, inside, outside(prefer inside)

You could exersize while I spot....

You could exersize while I spot….PHOTO COURTESY OF http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk

Attributes I’m seeking in a Bitter Rival: Positivity, inner goodness, optomism, passion to find something good in even the most vile, willingness to overlook bad things happening in life.  Must enjoy: making me bitter without knowing it, being outdoorsy, hiking, tenting, biking.  Enjoys talking and filling every empty awkward silence with more awkward dialogue about nothing.

Superpowers preferred but not required.

If you think you have what it takes to be my bitter rival, leave something in the comments below, so I can bitterly oppose it.

I can’t wait to bitterly destroy you in all our future feuds.

Arrrghhhh

Your Bitter Rival

Bitter Ben

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267 thoughts on “Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with

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  4. Oh, you are such sweetheart. I can feel the love just oozing through this curmudgeonly proposition. I wish you only love, unicorns and happiness in your search for a bitter rival. I would apply but I am a nasty bitch so I guess I don’t qualify. Mwah!

    Like

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