Bitter News with Pictures

It's my second my second langauge after bitterness and before English.

It’s my second langauge after bitterness and before English.

Sarcasm is my second language.  The only reason it is second is because Bitterness is my native tongue.  I hope to someday learn English fluently.  When I get really ambitious I might learn Spanish bitterness, then possibly Spanish sarcasm.  Don’t ever expect me to learn Spanish though.

Here you go.

I love when people correct my grammar.  This is for all you wonderful people.

There is finally a way to express my heartfelt love towards all my fellow earth dwellers.  I am just really bitter that my keyboard didn’t come with this required key.  I need to write the manufacturer and find out what happened to the Sarcastises employee the day they were working on that part of my keyboard.  Were they sick that day?  Were they feeling a little bitter?  Did they know that I would be the lucky recipient of this keyboard and do it on purpose knowing that I would wear it out and need the manufacturer’s warranty and cost the company too much money and cause them to go out of business?  Just wondering.

That's what she said.

In honor of the Office ending this week, and causing me bitterness, I present you three simple words that end up being four. That is some good math.

I am crying bitter tears of bitterness this week because after The Office ends, we will be left with only one completely underwatched comedy, Community, on NBC.  On the other hand, bitterness will increase as we are forced to watch the unwatchable comedies of CBS like Two and a Half Men, and other such duds as every other comedy on CBS.  Worldwide Bitterness will increase as the people of China and Russia mourn the loss of The Office and the fact that Community only got 13 episodes.  The worldwide economy will then crash and we will be left with a zombie apacolypse.  Perhaps they can replace it the Zombie Apocalypse The Office.  The zombie HR guy could still be played by Toby.

The Sonics won't be back.

Sonics won’t be back. Where else am I going to overpay for parking?

In the last piece of bitter news, the Sonics won’t be back in Seattle.  That means I won’t be able to see the Spurs play twice a year.  It has been reduced down to zero times a year where I will be able to drive downtown in crappy traffic, pay $20 for parking, $60 for a ticket to watch the concrete pillar front of the baskeball game, nearby a bunch of rabid Sonics fans who hate the Spurs fans, while eating a $50 microwaveable pretzel.  I am so bitter that I won’t have that to look forward to.

Have a bitter Thursday.


Bitter Ben




101 thoughts on “Bitter News with Pictures

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  5. I would rather watch old Taxi reruns than Two and A Half Men, and I hate Taxi. I did like how Dwight got married on the finale, standing in his own coffin.


  6. Pingback: Bitter News with Pictures | Rishsister

  7. I liked The Office but Parks and Recreation is my favorite, hands down. And Community. And Happy Endings is totally great. I am not bitter about basketball not coming. I say yay. I am bitter about no hockey rink though. Hockey rules and basketball drools.


  8. Sarcasm is becoming more and more fluent among the average citizen. I am not sure you would consider this good news or bad. I am bitter because once the new episodes of Breaking Bad air beginning in August then I will no longer have any excuses to be stalking Bryan Cranston. I recommend you do learn to speak Klingon, its filled with bitterness.


  9. …considering your non-Sarcasm language choices, I must put in a plug for my favorite.obscure language- Hittite, it sounds a little like Klingon- OK, a lot, and has the ability to stun and amuse non-speakers in less than 20 seconds. Spanish is simply boring, unless one is courting a Spanish speaking individual or speaking much too loudly in a train station with words like “Rojo!” and “Punta Arenas.”

    Interesting blog, by the way…though I would much rather read “Ben’s Butter Blog” while eating baguette.


  10. I love BBT. Try it. Best to start w/first season and work up. Not for old people, but since I AM old, and I watch it, I’m feeling a bit bitter over that.


  11. I would say all bitterness aside, but there’s so much bitterness here that if I literally pushed all the bitterness aside I think the world would tip drastically, effecting the rotation of the planet and causing half of us to freeze in bitter darkness and the other half to burn in bitter fire.


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