Remember when I decided to do a Bitter contest where you could win something? Last week or the week before or something? Well I rang up the results of those who actually entered and I did some math and found through my amazing..ly horrible math skills that we are all losers of the contest. Mostly me though.
Loser #1: Me. I didn’t realize that most people wouldn’t do any work for a prize. This is America, dang it(at least where I live) and we don’t want to have to do anything to win something for nothing right(confused yet?)? Also, I thought my followers from other places might step up and make the Americans look bad. Apparently followers of my blog in other countries are also lazy. Congrats on that other countries. So I underestimated the laziness of people that read my blog. I’m not sorry about this, I’ve just learned my bitter lesson.
Loser #2: Everyone else in the world that didn’t try my contest. I understand that some people out there have important things going on that prevent them from entering the contest on my blog. Jobs are an important one I’ve heard of. I’ve also heard social lives(I also tweet and Facebook, so I’m social too.) But I know there are people that approach my level of laziness. If they are out there and there are no more infomercial repeats on, and they have reached the end of the internet, there is one more site out there. This one. You could have entered.
Loser #3: The one person who actually won the contest. They will never be able to live this down with their friends, family and most especially enemies that they won something from a dude on a Bitter Blog. They will feel shamed that they wasted 10 minutes to figure out the clues. They will be sad when they see that the prize is not a Hawaiian Vacation. Why did I choose to associate with this Bitter Guy? they will think. I used to be such a positive person.
Regardless someone had to lose(by winning) or the internet Sweepstakes Board of Sketchy contest would have come after me and made me award someone something. So here it is. The winner is:
Congrats on your reason to be bitter.
Call, text, email, facebook, or twit me and I will send it off to you. You can give me a fake address or a PO box or send a messager, or a hit man to come get it from me. Just let me know what you wanted and your bitter wish is my command.
Bitter losier Ben