Bitter Contest Loser

Cause I'm not sure that anyone would want to be found that actually won.

Cause I’m not sure that anyone would want to be found that actually won.

Remember when I decided to do a Bitter contest where you could win something?  Last week or the week before or something?  Well I rang up the results of those who actually entered and I did some math and found through my horrible math skills that we are all losers of the contest.  Mostly me though.

Loser #1: Me. I didn’t realize that most people wouldn’t do any work for a prize.  This is America, dang it(at least where I live) and we don’t want to have to do anything to win something for nothing right(confused yet?)?  Also, I thought my followers from other places might step up and make the Americans look bad.  Apparently followers of my blog in other countries are also lazy.  Congrats on that other countries.  So I underestimated the laziness of people that read my blog.  I’m not sorry about this, I’ve just learned my bitter lesson.

Loser #2: Everyone else in the world that didn’t try my contest.  I understand that some people out there have important things going on that prevent them from entering the contest on my blog.  Jobs are an important one I’ve heard of.  I’ve also heard social lives(I also tweet and Facebook, so I’m social too.) But I know there are people that approach my level of laziness.  If they are out there and there are no more infomercial repeats on, and they have reached the end of the internet, there is one more site out there.  This one.  You could have entered.

I award this to myself for never getting to the point of what I was trying to....

I award this to myself for never getting to the point of what I was trying to….

Loser #3:  The one person who actually won the contest.  They will never be able to live this down with their friends, family and most especially enemies that they won something from a dude on a Bitter Blog.  They will feel shamed that they wasted 10 minutes to figure out the clues.  They will be sad when they see that the prize is not a Hawaiian Vacation.  Why did I choose to associate with this Bitter Guy? they will think.  I used to be such a positive person.

Regardless someone had to lose(by winning) or the internet Sweepstakes Board of Sketchy contest would have come after me and made me award someone something.  So here it is.  The winner is:


Congrats on your reason to be bitter.

Call, text, email, facebook, or twit me and I will send it off to you.  You can give me a fake address or a PO box or send a messager, or a hit man to come get it from me.  Just let me know what you wanted and your bitter wish is my command.

Bitter losier Ben


60 thoughts on “Bitter Contest Loser

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  4. I read about the contest when you posted it. It’s easy for me to post chapters from my books, but they get less comments, likes, and lead to less follows. People respond better to my quick one-liners and short posts. They generally just don’t want to read something that long when surfing the blogosphere. (I can’t use that word without feeling douche-y.)


    • I agree. When I do a long extensive, well thought out post like Bitterland I don’t get as much response as I do about stupid things like socks. The blogimunity needs to be better at reading good posts and not as good at read less thought out one liners.


  5. I couldn’t even press ‘like’ because i LOVE your words. The bitterness flows so perfectly from an angry, angry tap. I wish we could somehow join forces today.
    My crap with your bitterness will harness the universe and we will dominate.


  6. What?!?!? I put in all that time to solve the riddle only to now leave empty handed? If I may quote Mr. Blog, “So far you are the winner. Please choose from the Chucky Cheese 100 ticket bucket.” Where are my Chucky tickets?

    I was a positive person until this contest. Now I’m bitter.


  7. Ha ha. I am so bitter that anyone did your mad contest. I was laughing away thinking you did all that work and, as a previous commenter said, I was smh. But someone did finish it I can’t believe it.I am so bitter. None of my followers would be so loyal!


  8. I was going to enter but then I figured what’s the point, I never win anything anyway. Well, one time I won tickets to see the movie version of ‘Tommy’ but it turned out I was too young to get in. Talk about bitterly disappointed…


    • That why your luck wouldn’t have changed at all had you entered. However, you would have had the privilege of reading more of my blog and you could have experienced bitterness in its purest form.


  9. 3 x LOL Good to know – lazyness connecting people all over the world. You will see, in the end your bitter contest results a great innovativ invention. I claim the most inventions are the product of the indignation to do something! Congrats to Lolo Kirby your adorable woser – love this neologism – I’ll snatch it….


    • Laziness and bitterness connect the world. It caused us to be friends and we are from two different parts of the world right? I plan on inventing many bitter inventions that others can build. Can’t wait for the world to see them all.


  10. I TOLD you to throw in a Ryan Gosling marriage, car, house and honeymoon in Hawaii for the contest. I would’ve entered it a thousand times! SMH. 😛 Congrats to the winner!


        • SMH. Gos was over the other day helping me put up windows. You should have been there. He was asking me if there was anyone I knew who he could take to dinner and I told him, “I’ve got the perfect person. Her name is..hey do you want to play some video games?” I got a little distracted. Do you know anyone?


    • The Spurs were making me bitter by not winning until the last second. They better not give me multiple heart attacks like that again or I will root for the Charlotte Bobcats next year.


  11. I would totally have entered if I hadn’t been in a not-blogging-and-also-not-really-paying-attention-to-anybody-else’s-blog-either phase. Unfortunately, I’m just paying attention ENOUGH to realise that I’m also not-winning.


      • Congratulations to Lolo. Trying not to be bitter that I didn’t win. Twas fun playing/competing, though.

        Ben, I think you should email the finalists an award/certificate that we can bitterly display on our blogs (…unless I didn’t make finals, then make it a participant certificate).

        Ciao, for now. Gotta chill out at a noon yoga class (this blog post has me quite fired up, sir). 🙂


      • I want to know how to put links into a post without writing the whole URL. Like how you put my name in this post and when you click it, it goes to my page. I am VERY bitter over not knowing how to do it. Share with me your knowledge, and I will claim it as my prize.


        • Okay. When you are writing a post, you highlight the word that you want to be the link, for instance you name, then on the toolbar right above your writing area, there should be a think that looks like a chain. Click on that, and then put your url in that box. I always just copy and paste the exact url, then put that in the box. It should highlight/ underline. Then just to check and see if it work, I do it in preview and go and click on it. Let me know if it works.


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