The reason I started this blog was because I was muy frustrado with the way my job was going. As an introvert and a customer service rep that hated the phone and talking on it, and a guy that detests hearing other people complain, I needed a place to put my frustration. Ironically, all I do is complain and then I complain that no one wants to hear my complaints.

Yet here you all are. For 12 years, I’ve been complaining publicly on the internet and other people have chimed in on the complaining. It’s been a bit of therapy for me and in a way, a warning to other people who know about my blog. Since they know it is about bitterness, they know that if they take things too far with me, they may end up in my blog where I will publicly shame them for making me bitter. The power of the bitter blog is strong, and I’m there for it.

The other reason I started this blog was to find a way to offend everyone in my life. I’ve most certainly offended all of my family members at least 3 or 4 times. Bosses keep telling me to stop making them targets, and most of the government, banks, highway systems, and even non-profits charities have stopped returning my calls and returning any donations I send their way.

When I reached the limit of my community, I branched out to the country, by being on the other side of any issue they were in favor of. It’s really quite easy to be divisive when everyone is so dead set in their ways when it comes to their ideas and thoughts. Contrarianism is one of my fortes. It’s pretty easy to get under other people’s skin, when you know how much they will dig in like a tick.

Even after bitterizing this country, I didn’t feel satisfied. I had to have more, so I branched out and started with different countries. It was easiest to go and bug the countries of Mexico and Canada, because they are so close. I just made fun of the maple leaf of Canada, and they were coming after me with their hockey sticks and Curling stones. Then I decided to go after the countries of Alaska and Hawaii, even though they were a little farther away. I made fun of Hawaii and its beautiful weather as well as Alaska on their way overcrowded population. They didn’t like that much at all/

Then I started offending other nations.

What I’m about to tell you is a secret that I’ve had to keep for years now. This blog is a front. A front for a mission that I’ve been up to for the last 12 years. I’ve been working for NASA. 12 years ago, they came to me and asked (commanded) that I travel to Mars and teach them bitterness. They Martian people are a little too optimistic and they needed them more jaded like the people of earth. The US and Chinese government joined together to train me how to travel in space and I’ve been in Mars infiltrating their people to slowly make them all bitter. Unfortunately, it worked a little too well, and they are all now so bitter that they are chasing me. I barely just got home the other day. The good news is that I have a trip planned for Jupiter soon. The bad news is the Martians think all earthlings look the same.

In other words, if I were you, I would pack my bags, and go to Saturn, because it’s fairly safe there for now. Luckily, I’m giving you advanced warning that the government won’t give you for a few weeks. After they find out I’m in Jupiter, they will leave Earth, and follow me there. Then you can come back here. Whatever you do, don’t tell them how little you like the Mars bar and how it is discontinued, because for some reason, they actually like it.

Anyways, this is just to say, that I am not actually working for NASA, and the Martians are not invading earth, because you guys are all suckers who actually believed that April Fool’s Joke that I just pulled on you.

Man, you guys are really bad at figuring out when I’m just joking.

Suckers!

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Galaxy Far Away Ben