Forward Thinking BFG’s

I’ve been running this Bitter Blog Empire for 11 years now, thus making me an expert in running blog empires, according to Malcom Gladwell. To prove it, I’ve written 1446 posts, each which average over 500 words per post. That is 723,000 words that I’ve created mostly from brain. A few monkeys pounded some words on the typewriter back in the day, but for the most part, these are my words. You can start understanding now that I’m the leading expert in the world in bitterness.

I’ve also been walking since I was 9 or 10 months old. I don’t remember exactly when, because I was a little busy developing my bitterness skills, so it’s a little hazy. Maybe you could ask my mom or dad if you care that much. Since, I’ve been walking, I realized a pattern about the way I walk. Maybe you’ve noticed this too. I’ve tried to walk in all different kinds of directions. When people get in my way, and won’t move, I use a little know direction called the sidestep. Sometimes when I stay up too late and get off the couch, I do this diagonal type of step. For some reason, my basketball coaches made us do drills that required backward walking so we could be in a better defensive position.

But for the most part, I like walking forward. I’m much more skilled at forward steps, because I just practice them so much more. I could probably calculate the percentages of how many steps of my walking, running, and striding steps have been forward, but then this post wouldn’t be complete until 2027, and I’ve got better things to do. I’m going to ballpark it and say that 99.6543% of my steps have been forward ones.

I’m no math wiz, or brain surgeon, but I think that experts would agree that walking forward is more efficient, useful and logical. But that is just an observation from a lowly bitter blog scientist and expert.

I’m guessing you want me to get to some sort of point, but I need to fill out some more words to make my average of 500 words for a post. Alright, fine. Here is my point. If we spend most of our lifetime stepping forward, why do we spend so much time looking back to the past?

I guess it makes sense every once in a while to look at old journals or pictures for nostalgia’s sake. It might even be important to look at our history, personal or world, at some of our mistakes so we don’t make them again, but looking back too much impedes our progress.

Just look at how hard it is to twist your back and turn your head to look at something behind you. Or to walk backwards for a short time. It’s too painful and awkward. It’s okay to keep your head on a swivel, use your peripheral vision, or your Spidey Sense to alert you to danger behind you, but you know what is better? Walking forward to avoid danger. Progress is moving forward. Looking backwards is negative progress.

In other words, I might have said some dumb things in the past that offended you. Instead of dwelling on that bitterness, it’s better to focus on the bitterness I cause you today and in the future.

Let’s be the like Captain Ahab who looked forward towards his goal of getting revenge on Moby Dick, instead of dwelling on the past of Moby Dick chewing his leg off.

Let’s look forward like John Wick. Instead of focusing on the one little slight of some idiot killing the last gift his dying wife gave him, a puppy, John looked forward. He didn’t focus on the past, but on the future of taking down an entire worldwide criminal organization. That’s the kind of future focused people we need.

Don’t be like all these Hallmark movie heroines that come back to their hometowns and meet the boy they dated 20 years ago and be mad at them.

The most important thing to do, is to never be mad at your husband for what he might have done last night for instance. Like when he might have left out some wrappers on the table. Or forgot to take out the garbage last night. Definitely just move forward and don’t be mad at him. Be like John Wick.

In case you were offended by any statements above, just know that you shouldn’t dwell on them. They are in the past. Look forward with full steam to the Bitter Friday Giftures…

Forrest Gump wouldn’t have been the same…

…if Forest ran backwards the whole movie.

This gorilla must have…

…said something dumb to his wife..

Sure, it’s sometimes more entertaining…

…to dwell on the past..

But everyone hates…

…the reverse card almost as much as the Draw Four card in UNO.

Even driving cars in reverse…

…is a pain in the butt.

Except for when this guy…

…drives his Barbie car in reverse.

Or when John Wick…

…does it.

Speaking of John Wick…

…don’t bitter about the past, be bitter about the future.

Don’t look back at the building blowing up behind you…

…look forward to the building you can blow up in front of you.

Don’t look at the losers behind you…

…just look at all the winners in front of you.

Don’t go Back to the Future…

…go forward to the past.

No matter how mad people are at you…

…just keep moving forward so they have new things to be mad at you for.

The key to avoiding getting in trouble is momentum. As soon as people get mad at you for something, just do something new to make them mad about, and they will forget the smaller thing they were mad at you for and will dwell on the new thing to be even madder about. It’s all about moving forward.


13 thoughts on “Forward Thinking BFG’s

  1. That sounds fine and dandy for some people. But imagine this scenario: the past = a safe place. There’s no growth, but it’s safe and familiar. Now every time you try to move forward, you get an electric shock. Yeouch! After enough electric shocks, that safe place in the past seems even better than before, so you run back there to hide. Because who wants to keep moving forward and getting painful electric shocks? No thanks. 😣


    • Not necessarily safe in the past. I remember quite a few times in my past when I wasn’t safe. Sure some of the time in the past, I just sat on the couch and was safe. But I was also out in the woods without knowing if I would survive a few times too.

      Liked by 1 person

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