The American Dream is to become Assistant to the Regional Manager. Purchase the regional manager shirt by clicking the link.* We have this thing in America called the American Dream. It's the hope, belief, or dream that anyone that lives here, no matter how poor, unintelligent or resource deprived can with a little ambition, make … Continue reading How the Mighty Has Fallen BFG’s
Comedy
Closing Time BFG’s
Get some Creatine. In Season 8 of The Office, Andy starts singing Closing Time as part of his everyday routine to close out the workday. After doing it several dozen times, everyone in the office is sick of hearing it, except for one surprise character, Stanley. Stanely sings it with gusto, not because he likes … Continue reading Closing Time BFG’s
Dad Jokes BFG’s
I've had quite a story arc with my sense of humor. When I was a child, I was fairly serious, and the only thing that was funny about me was my hair. My mom was really bad about taking care of my it, so even when it was a formal occasion, she would somehow forget … Continue reading Dad Jokes BFG’s
Alien Invaders BFG’s
Do you ever wonder where you were when significant things happened in your lifetime? I've lived on this greasy rock for half a century, so a lot of time to wonder. I've had almost no involvement with most of the world's significant world events, but I often wonder what insignificant thing I was doing at … Continue reading Alien Invaders BFG’s
Vamping with Vitterness BFG’s
The Office is my favorite show for a lot of reasons, but my favorite reason is Michael Scott. Even though he is the boss, and I never will be one, I identify with him the most, because we are so alike. Being incompetent is the biggest similarity, but there is also our constant need to … Continue reading Vamping with Vitterness BFG’s
A Phone by any Other Name BFG’s
I remember the first time I texted. It was 2003, and my wife got me one of those tiny Nokia pay-as-you-go, rectangular, gray, tiny-buttoned relics. I had no use for this thing, because I've hated talking to people in general since birth, but more specifically on the phone. She insisted that I get one so … Continue reading A Phone by any Other Name BFG’s
This post went to the birds BFG’s
When I lived in Seattle the weather was much milder, and there were a lot more trees, the birds loved hanging around there. When I lived there, I was raising young kids, so there was a competition between the birds and the tiny humans about who could be louder and prevent me from sleeping the … Continue reading This post went to the birds BFG’s
Gold Star Feedback BFG’s
As a video game fanatic, I need the latest and greatest console. But I also need the latest and greatest TV to be up to par with the processing power of the console. I want to make sure every pixel of the TV is optimized for my gaming. I finally have the optimum setup, with … Continue reading Gold Star Feedback BFG’s
Way Off Balance BFG’s
Yesterday, unlike most of my days at work, I spent most of the day trying to help balance a 13-story building of bottles to spell two words. It was a promotional video for Prime Day, and our social media team decided that we were going to build a wall of bottles and then smash through … Continue reading Way Off Balance BFG’s
Bored Games BFG’s
When I was in junior high, it was perfectly acceptable to be outside all day long with no adult supervision. In fact, most parents expected it. I would often get on my 10-speed bike and go for epic bike rides around the city. It was Sioux Falls, SD, in the 80's, so it was the … Continue reading Bored Games BFG’s
World Building Bitterness
I like to brag to my kids that back in the early 90's, I worked outside in -30-degree weather. Awesome humblebrag, huh? I didn't walk to school uphill both ways, so this is my version of miserable suffering my kids need to know, anytime they get mad at me when the wi-fi doesn't work for … Continue reading World Building Bitterness
Out of Focus BFG’s
I remember a unit of science in 7th grade dedicated to learning about kinetic energy. I couldn't imagine what kinetic energy was then, because it was only a concept and I'm a visual learner. I know what it is now, because for the last several years, I've been one of the adult leaders of a … Continue reading Out of Focus BFG’s
Remember the Alamo Bitterness
Last Wednesday, I was standing in a San Antonio airport gift shop, desperately trying to find just the right San Antonio Spurs merchandise to buy. I had just spent a week with some of my closest friends that I've only met twice in person. This trip was the fourth time I've been to San Antonio … Continue reading Remember the Alamo Bitterness
The Bitter Power Struggle BFG’s
Being a man of the modern age, I am quite fond of power. Not the kind of power that allows you to lord over people, no. I'm much fonder of the kind of power that lights my house and runs my internet. When I first moved to Seattle, I only envisioned a few things. I … Continue reading The Bitter Power Struggle BFG’s
Living Rent-Free Bitterness
I've had a dream since I was a young bitterling. Not the type of dream most of you have, like traveling, becoming famous or writing a novel. Actually, I do have the novel dream, and the getting rich part of the rich and famous, but one dream has always stood above all. The reason I … Continue reading Living Rent-Free Bitterness
Ghost Post BFG’s
When people think of social media platforms, they think of the typical ones like Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Snapchat or MySpace. Those are okay, but they don't have the depth of Venmo. Facebook, Instagram and Tik Tok give you surface details about what you and others like, but Venmo tells you what people are really … Continue reading Ghost Post BFG’s
Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
The first time I watched Forrest Gump, I didn't make it all the way through. I was on a date with a girl, and I could tell she was getting a little uncomfortable. I asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said she did. So we walked out and continued our date elsewhere. … Continue reading Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
Pizza Me Bitter Friday Giftures
I still remember it like it was yesterday. I had made the most awkward transition of my life from elementary school to junior high. It was the first day of 7th Grade English, and my teacher asked us all to do my least favorite thing ever. The thing an anxiety ridden, shy, introverted, new-to-junior-high kid … Continue reading Pizza Me Bitter Friday Giftures
Categorical Failure Bitterness
Back in high school, I was assigned to do a group presentation about something boring to our class. It was a bunch of really boring facts, where most of the groups just stood up, and presented the facts the same old way. I didn't like boring, so I asked everyone in the group if we … Continue reading Categorical Failure Bitterness
Side Quests BFG’s
Unlike most college students, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I've always been bitter, and my life is all about taking over the world so I can spread bitterness throughout the world. I only went to college to figure out the best way to do that. Of course, college failed … Continue reading Side Quests BFG’s
Ben's Bitter Blog 