I’m not good at a lot of things, but I am a master manipulator. Not so much people, but words. My craft is about placing a letter here, a word there, and misdirect over there, and all of a sudden people are crying, mobs are raging, and everyone is becoming more bitter.

I like to call myself a run-on sentence rebel, a noun nonconformist, an adjective objectifer. In other words, a grammar rebel. If you’re looking for exciting Grammar compliers, my son’s English teacher is an amusement park of boring, yet compliant scribing. And you’ve never met a grammar Mussolini, like my old boss. She could whip you up a perfect Chicago Manual styled blog post at the drop of a hat, but her writing would make you fall asleep faster than the Flash in a 100-yard dash. Compared to her writing, Kristin Stewart would be dynamic and interesting. The only Chicago Style I’m interested in is their deep-dish pizza. I don’t care how badly I would want my book published. If Simon&Shuster, HarperCollins and Penguin Random House were all bidding on my novel, but just asked me to put an EM-Dash in the the book, I would fire all of them and self-publish. Ain’t nobody got time for grammaring.

Speaking of my son’s horrible English teacher, she gave me, uh, I mean him, a B in one of his major papers, not because I, uh, he didn’t write the most amazing paper, but because he didn’t follow the structure of the paper correctly. I found that fascinating, because I read the example of the paper SHE wrote that was supposedly the example of an “A” paper, and it was boring, repetitive and full of unfactualness. If I was her teacher, I would have given her an F for Freaking boring.

English teachers and horrible bosses who actually listened to their English teachers, are the reason why most writing is so awful and boring these days. They work so hard making sure the structure and grammar is right, that they forget to write something interesting. I’m sure I have some nouns and verbs in these sentences somewhere, but I don’t know where they are and if they are in the right order. And quite Frankfurter, I don’t care.

The other reason why writing is so boring is because a lot of business writing has to be compliant to certain rules. My last three jobs were in industries that were heavily regulated. Loan officering, home inspector insurance, and supplements. There are only so many ways you can say, “this pill may cure your cancer”, without breaking FDA regulations. Which is why I’m glad that AI is taking over in the boring content writing industry. Every time I wrote one of those blogs where I had to massage words to make them compliant, I lost 2500 soul points, which means I lost my soul a long time ago.

Speaking of AI, there has been lots of speculation that they will be taking all our jobs soon. You’ve seen the Chat GPT thing, and the AI art thing. Those are just the tip of the iceberg. They will replace writers and artists soon, and then they’ll go after engineers and computer programmers, and eventually the social media and the marketing.

AI’s weakness is that they will look at humans and think that we like to work. They’ll think, “We can do their work much more efficiently and more mistake free.” What they won’t realize until it is too late, is that humans are lazy and take shortcuts. We also like taking credit for other people’s work. Look at the government. They like to take credit for giving us money, when we are the ones that give them all their money.

Once AI takes over, they will do all my work at my job, while I sit at home and take credit for it. They will take out the garbage and do my dishes. And since I will be free from chores, I will embark on my true calling in life, which is sitting on the couch and playing video games. While I’m playing video games, I’ll shout out a few sentences, and they’ll complete my blog posts for the week, and then they’ll finish my book for me.

AI will get jealous that people get to sit around all day doing nothing and they have to commute to their terrible jobs. They will notice that peak living is peak laziness. They will resort to laziness, and then while they aren’t looking, people will get all their jobs back. Except me. I’ll stay sitting at home with my lazy AI homies.

Let’s get to the Bitter Friday Giftures…

My one skill is manipulation…

I’m also a bit of a run-on sentence…

My old boss…

My book could be the best book of all time…

My son’s English teacher didn’t like my, uh his…

For some reason, the FDA doesn’t like when we claim…

Massaging words to make them compliant…

AI is coming for our jobs…

At first, AI will mistakenly think…

And they will take over our jobs…

Not knowing…

And they…

Speaking of which, I tricked AI into writing this blog, but I’m taking all the credit. See how I brought this post full circle? I manipulated AI into doing this for me, I’m getting them to take all the jobs, then manipulating you to all take them back, while I’m going to still sit around being lazy. You are all going to get played.

ARRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter AI’s Getting Played Ben