I love listening to my headphones at work because it seems dangerously close to not doing work, which is my favorite thing to do. Work avoidance, both at work and at home are really great skills to have. I’ve always tried my best to be mediocre or less in everything I do.
Yesterday, I accidentally listened to something that was productive, a marketing summit that thought they could make me more productive at my job. They had no idea what kind of person they were trying to make productive. It was this marketing summit that talked about how to make your marketing content more viral on social media. Of course, all you had to do was pay them 2 grand, and then do a bunch MORE work to do so, but other than that, it’s easy as pie. Don’t worry, that is 80% off the price he charges his billionaire clients to make more billions.
What he didn’t know is that I didn’t need any help making my blog more mediocre. I’ve worked on it for years and it hasn’t gotten any better. If some marketing guy got a hold of this blog, he might start making it good and I can’t do that to you guys. You’ve come to expect bland work at best, snorefests at worst. That might start encouraging you to do something with your lives, and I can’t have that happen.
Besides, I’m working on a new goal. Getting ratio’d. I first heard this term from a YouTuber about a week ago. I didn’t know what it meant, so of course, I turned to the Bible of Millenial, Gen Z and Gen Alpha Terms, the Urban Dictionary. It told me nothing. So I went to the next best place, my daughter. She told me that getting “ratio’d” can mean a few things.
One, if you put out a tweet that gets more comments than likes, you’ve been negative ratio’d. In that sense, it means that your tweet was so bad, that people are mostly sending you hate comments because it sucked. The other meaning is even more savage. It is that a comment to your bad tweet has more likes than your original tweet. It takes an exceptional person to make a tweet that bad.
As soon as I heard about this phenomenon, I knew that I had to be ratioed. I’ve been ratio’d in all other aspects of my life, but not on Twitter.
Have you ever told a joke that was so bad that people got more laughs at making fun of your joke? Why yes, yes I have. Have you ever left early from your job to say go to a doctor’s appointment, and everyone at work got so much more done and even left early because you were gone for a little bit?
Have you ever been on a baseball team and missed a week of games and coincidentally, your winless team not only won, but made the playoffs and won the whole thing without you? Since I was on the team, I still got a trophy, but I was definitely ratio’d.
Do you want to know when my blog was at its most popular? Between July 2018 to December 2018 when I didn’t have access to this blog. Coincidence? Nope. Not only was my blog at its peak, but WordPress and most of you unbitter bloggers were at record levels too. WordPress was working as hard as possible behind the scenes trying to make sure this blog never resurfaced, but they failed. They were many bitter tears shed when I got it back int December 2018, and the guy in charge of keeping me out was fired, which sucked for him, because they were just about to give him a huge Christmas bonus for keeping me out so long. His family didn’t even get Christmas presents that year.
Speaking of ratio’d, how’s about we show some examples of others getting ratio’d on the Bitter Friday Giftures….
If you didn’t notice…
I have an almost 10:1…
I’m working on my amateur…
Clearly the cheese to pizza ratio…
The math is off on this one…
Why are you so good on Twitter…
The only comeback I’m not good at…
You didn’t think you were going to escape…
Nerds are the best at ratios…
Yes, my Twitter is trying its best…
Needless to say, I work really hard on giving you least exciting content on this blog, and I don’t ask much of you. So, now I just need you to do one little thing, and that is to make comments about how bad this blog is and then everyone else should like those comments so I finally make something of this blog and get it ratio’d, so it gets mocked in the media. Then I can at least tell my parents I fell short of my 15 minutes of fame by only getting 14:53.
Bitter Ratio’d Ben
22 thoughts on “Ratio’d Bitter Friday Giftures”
Seriously? It doesn’t? But I regularly post stuff.
I am both a comedian and a deep thinker. You definitely related to every ounce of my being. Well done, I’ll have to read more from your blog to determine your unique comedy style. Good stuff.
It is definitely a work in progress. I’m only 10 years in and 1349 blog posts in, so maybe I’ll get it someday.
Do you have a blog I could check out?
I tried to go that site and it tells me it doesn’t exist.
I know the layout is somewhat gibberish, like my first tattoo. Hahaha. But if you just press the home button, then click on “Blog”, you can see my posts right away.
It just brings me to a page that says,
“muddycomedy.wordpress.com doesn’t exist. Do you want to register muddycomedy.wordpress.com?”
How do I register it?
I’m just curious where you are writing if it hasn’t been registered. When I clicked on it to register, it gave me this.
This is my latest post, I uploaded it yesterday or the day before.
Oh, so it’s mud comedy, not muddy comedy. Got it. Now I can go check out your blog.
You had me worried there for a minute, chief!!! Hahaha.
Finally I can read your blog.
Please leave a comment, or comments, if you’re a fat person.
I’d rather be radio’d, and I don’t even know what that would mean, but it sounds like less math and more music.
Seriously, though kids probably don’t even know what a radio is. Thankfully, none of them want to do math either.
It would SO boost my toilet-level self esteem if I made a comment that got lots of Likes that it would never happen. Oh dear that sounded like I was needily begging for Likes. Which I guess I was, but mainly for the praiseworthy goal of helping you get what you said you wanted (I would not hazard a guess as to what you really want). Where was I going with this?
No comment. Nothing but likes. Sucks for Ben.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dang it dude. No one ever listens to me. You know getting positively ratio’d will ruin me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. And you don’t deserve all that positivity. Bastards.