The Bitter 800th Post Club

While Saturday Night Live might have a dozen 5 time hosts, there may be only one in the 800 Bitter Post Club.

While Saturday Night Live might have a dozen 5 time hosts, there may be only one in the 800 Bitter Post Club.

Math. Mathematics. Adding. Subtracting. Multiplying. Dividing. I just did a collective yawn for all of you just now, just to show you how boring that was. Yeah, maybe I did that from my couch or between doing my homework(yawn again!), but any way you slice it, math is sooo boring. And only useful if you are doing just about anything. Thankfully, it doesn’t impact my life at all. Except when I am adding up all the purchases my kids make at the grocery store. Or all the ones on zero’s and pixels that add up to the amazing picture I am seeing in all my favorite video games and movies on my TV. Thank goodness, I don’t have to use it when I am writing my boring posts.

Anyways, you saw some number(8000 followers) about 3 posts ago (dang it math, quit trying to make to use subtraction again!) about how I just gained follower number 8000, and now I’m doing post number 800. I’m sure some of you math nerds that make tons of money calculating stuff for people like me who are too lazy to figure out stuff, have probably done some math correlation between the amount of followers and amount of posts and are going to send me the statistics about what I’m doing wrong and what I should be improving, but I will ignore them all. Because numbers are the worst.

Math isn’t always right like it says it is. Sure the universe was created by numbers, and according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the answer to all life’s questions is 42. Of course, we all know that isn’t true, because I was 42 last year and I didn’t learn a thing. Neither did any of my fellow 42 year olds. So clearly, math is wrong once again.

Math ruins lives. Maybe you remember this moment in your life, or maybe you don’t. But there was an exhilarating feeling in your heart, when in college, you completed your last math class. Maybe you celebrated your D- like I did by walking through the football field like your were what’s her name from the Sound of Music and sang Hip Hop Hooray by Naughty by Nature or some era appropriate song(this happened in 1991 for me), but you were probably on Cloud 19 celebrating.

Then you probably had kids and now 10-20 years later you are having life crushing discussions about the same dang math problems when helping them with homework. When they say “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?” the answer is, “That depends. Do you mean like a D- in math fifth grader?” Cause the answer is barely. I could barely pass 5th Grade math, and probably get an F in gym too, especially if we have to run the 50 feet between the couch and the fridge because I get winded for that too. Like I’ve said time and time again, the bitterness never ends.

The point is, I’ve now had to do two posts in the last four about milestones and that is making me bitter. I hope next time there is just some weird post about Giftures or something, because these math posts are bumming me out.

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter 800 Posters Club Ben

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66 thoughts on “The Bitter 800th Post Club

  1. Math rocks. Math will save us all. Math is what lets me sleep at night instead of rolling around and obsessing about November 8th. Math tells me that I have over 100 followers even when my rational mind knows that it is more like 20.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s so awesome, congratulations Ben!

    I’m totally jealous. Not in a mean way, because I like you and think you deserve it. I just think it would be great to have so many followers and hope I’ll be that successful someday too. You’re inspiring me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. 8000 followers. I have 63. Of course, I just really started posting regularly fairly recently even though I’ve had the blog for 8 years. My wife didn’t even know I blogged until this month.
    I’m also bad at math and my daughter is now in AP Calculus. She has been on her own with math for a while now.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I used to hate math, back during the 80’s, 90’s, and most of the 2000’s. It seemed pretty useless, thanks to calculators and other people who did math so that I didn’t have to. Then one day, I decided to try liking math, just once. And know what? It worked and everything! 🙂 I did a total 180. Now I’m in this cool, mathy tech career, doing mathy stuff for other people.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, I am SO bitter! 8000 followers, you bastard! (um, “bastard” is something of a compliment from me; I’ll explain that in a blog post some time). I was happy that I just got my 762nd. Although, I feel 762 is a far superior number to 800, preferring non-round numbers in certain situations. For example, I’d rather say, “That was funny the first time you said it, not the 3,487th” instead of “…not the bazillionth.” Well, you’ll soon get your 8,001st follower. Let me know when you do, then I’ll unfollow you and get you back to a round number.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Damn you and your math. I had managed to escape math for the day; no shopping, no calculating how much I will need to survive to the end of the month, and the one of my favorite bitter pits has to throw his infinity math bit at me. Jut remember, Math is made up of bits and if you take the bit out of bitter all you have it ter and that aint for – you know what.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am still highly bitter about high school Algebra class and how hard I had to work at it. I still don’t understand why y equals x…or maybe not. I have the calculator app on my phone, so why is there a need for Algebra? I don’t get it.

    Anyhow, congrats on 8,000 followers and 800 posts. I think you should celebrate for 80 hours by eating 8 pieces of pie and taking 18 naps. Oh, and make sure you watch Channel 8 on the TV tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Not exactly math related, but the number 8 is pretty much the symbol for infinity. Maybe your counter is actually displaying that you have in infinite number of followers, and it’s so many times infinite, that they had to add the 0’s after it to express how far beyond you are. I’d say that’s pretty bad a. But in a super bitter way.

    Liked by 2 people

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