Math. Mathematics. Adding. Subtracting. Multiplying. Dividing. I just did a collective yawn for all of you just now, just to show you how boring that was. Yeah, maybe I did that from my couch or between doing my homework(yawn again!), but any way you slice it, math is sooo boring. And only useful if you are doing just about anything. Thankfully, it doesn’t impact my life at all. Except when I am adding up all the purchases my kids make at the grocery store. Or all the ones on zero’s and pixels that add up to the amazing picture I am seeing in all my favorite video games and movies on my TV. Thank goodness, I don’t have to use it when I am writing my boring posts.
Anyways, you saw some number(8000 followers) about 3 posts ago (dang it math, quit trying to make to use subtraction again!) about how I just gained follower number 8000, and now I’m doing post number 800. I’m sure some of you math nerds that make tons of money calculating stuff for people like me who are too lazy to figure out stuff, have probably done some math correlation between the amount of followers and amount of posts and are going to send me the statistics about what I’m doing wrong and what I should be improving, but I will ignore them all. Because numbers are the worst.
Math isn’t always right like it says it is. Sure the universe was created by numbers, and according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the answer to all life’s questions is 42. Of course, we all know that isn’t true, because I was 42 last year and I didn’t learn a thing. Neither did any of my fellow 42 year olds. So clearly, math is wrong once again.
Math ruins lives. Maybe you remember this moment in your life, or maybe you don’t. But there was an exhilarating feeling in your heart, when in college, you completed your last math class. Maybe you celebrated your D- like I did by walking through the football field like your were what’s her name from the Sound of Music and sang Hip Hop Hooray by Naughty by Nature or some era appropriate song(this happened in 1991 for me), but you were probably on Cloud 19 celebrating.
Then you probably had kids and now 10-20 years later you are having life crushing discussions about the same dang math problems when helping them with homework. When they say “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?” the answer is, “That depends. Do you mean like a D- in math fifth grader?” Cause the answer is barely. I could barely pass 5th Grade math, and probably get an F in gym too, especially if we have to run the 50 feet between the couch and the fridge because I get winded for that too. Like I’ve said time and time again, the bitterness never ends.
The point is, I’ve now had to do two posts in the last four about milestones and that is making me bitter. I hope next time there is just some weird post about Giftures or something, because these math posts are bumming me out.
Bitter 800 Posters Club Ben