While Saturday Night Live might have a dozen 5 time hosts, there may be only one in the 800 Bitter Post Club.
Math. Mathematics. Adding. Subtracting. Multiplying. Dividing. I just did a collective yawn for all of you just now, just to show you how boring that was. Yeah, maybe I did that from my couch or between doing my homework(yawn again!), but any way you slice it, math is sooo boring. And only useful if you are doing just about anything. Thankfully, it doesn’t impact my life at all. Except when I am adding up all the purchases my kids make at the grocery store. Or all the ones on zero’s and pixels that add up to the amazing picture I am seeing in all my favorite video games and movies on my TV. Thank goodness, I don’t have to use it when I am writing my boring posts.
Anyways, you saw some number(8000 followers) about 3 posts ago (dang it math, quit trying to make to use subtraction again!) about how I just gained follower number 8000, and now I’m doing post number 800. I’m sure some of you math nerds that make tons of money calculating stuff for people like me who are too lazy to figure out stuff, have probably done some math correlation between the amount of followers and amount of posts and are going to send me the statistics about what I’m doing wrong and what I should be improving, but I will ignore them all. Because numbers are the worst.
Math isn’t always right like it says it is. Sure the universe was created by numbers, and according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy the answer to all life’s questions is 42. Of course, we all know that isn’t true, because I was 42 last year and I didn’t learn a thing. Neither did any of my fellow 42 year olds. So clearly, math is wrong once again.
Math ruins lives. Maybe you remember this moment in your life, or maybe you don’t. But there was an exhilarating feeling in your heart, when in college, you completed your last math class. Maybe you celebrated your D- like I did by walking through the football field like your were what’s her name from the Sound of Music and sang Hip Hop Hooray by Naughty by Nature or some era appropriate song(this happened in 1991 for me), but you were probably on Cloud 19 celebrating.
Then you probably had kids and now 10-20 years later you are having life crushing discussions about the same dang math problems when helping them with homework. When they say “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?” the answer is, “That depends. Do you mean like a D- in math fifth grader?” Cause the answer is barely. I could barely pass 5th Grade math, and probably get an F in gym too, especially if we have to run the 50 feet between the couch and the fridge because I get winded for that too. Like I’ve said time and time again, the bitterness never ends.
The point is, I’ve now had to do two posts in the last four about milestones and that is making me bitter. I hope next time there is just some weird post about Giftures or something, because these math posts are bumming me out.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter 800 Posters Club Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Well, did you really get a D- in math?
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Just barely passed. Good thing that was a long time ago.
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Math rocks. Math will save us all. Math is what lets me sleep at night instead of rolling around and obsessing about November 8th. Math tells me that I have over 100 followers even when my rational mind knows that it is more like 20.
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See how math confuses and confounds us? The fact that we have 100 followers and really it is only 20?
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That’s so awesome, congratulations Ben!
I’m totally jealous. Not in a mean way, because I like you and think you deserve it. I just think it would be great to have so many followers and hope I’ll be that successful someday too. You’re inspiring me 🙂
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It is nice to see the numbers, but the best part is the few people that actually respond and you become friends with. Like you!
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Aww! 🙂
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Ben to quote those 1990’s philosophers, Beavis and Butthead,” Uhhhh… I’m, like, angry at numbers. There’s like, too many of them and stuff.” That is exactly how I feel about math.
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Oh my gosh those guys were the geniuses of their time. Uh huh huh, uh huh huh. Numbers make me angry too.
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Numbers have always made me angry. We have never had a good relationship. That’s why we broke up.
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Now if you could just get numbers to move out of your house and quit following you on Facebook, then you could finally be rid of them for good!
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LOL. Are you speaking of your kids, Bitter Ben? If so, they will be with you for quite sometime. Hopefully not in your basement telling you they are looking for a job but actually playing Halo or some other game.
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I plan on telling both of them on their 18th birthdays, “Here is your stuff. Here is some job applications. Here is some gas money to get to an apartment complex. Happy Birthday. Have a great life!”
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LOL……..nice. Are you counting down the days until their 18th birthdays?
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I have a huge paper chain counting down the days.
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Congratulations on all those Bitter followers and posts! 😄
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Haha, sucker! You are now stuck being my follower! No unfollowing!
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LOL! 😉
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Why would you think that was funny? I would have thought tragic.
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I’ve been 42 for 6 months now. Nothing.
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Yeah, I was highly disappointed in that entire year. As well as the previous 41.
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Wow. 8000 followers. I have 63. Of course, I just really started posting regularly fairly recently even though I’ve had the blog for 8 years. My wife didn’t even know I blogged until this month.
I’m also bad at math and my daughter is now in AP Calculus. She has been on her own with math for a while now.
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I’ve been doing this 3-4 times a week for 4 and 1/2 years and been heavily involved in the WordPress community. But most of the followers come from money under the table. SHHHH.
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I’m just now starting to post regularly and trying to get out there and active in the blogging community. I’m pretty bad at it so far. I’m also pretty bad at self promotion.
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Well, I’m pretty bad at everything, which is why I’m so bitter.
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I used to hate math, back during the 80’s, 90’s, and most of the 2000’s. It seemed pretty useless, thanks to calculators and other people who did math so that I didn’t have to. Then one day, I decided to try liking math, just once. And know what? It worked and everything! 🙂 I did a total 180. Now I’m in this cool, mathy tech career, doing mathy stuff for other people.
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That sounds like a Lifetime made for TV movie. You should try to pitch that to the network and see if you can get out of the “cool” math techy career.
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Nah, definitely not Lifetime Channel material. Hallmark Channel, maybe. Or USA network, even.
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Yeah, that would be a good Hallmark one.
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The meaning of life is bacon. I thought everyone knew that.
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It’s actually pizza with bacon on it.
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Maths is evil. That’s all.
Oh and why do British people say maths plural and Americans say math singular?
That sounds kind of evil and algebraic to me…. 😦
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I don’t know why we would say that stuff differently. It seems as if we should all just get rid of the word all together.
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800 posts and 8,000 followers?! Holy hell, you deserve more than a smoking jacket for those achievements. Way to go 🙂
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I deserve a swift kick in the butt, for sure. I’m sure you’ve done way more posts right?
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Nope, I’m only at 445! Only half as good as you 😉
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Totally not true. You have an amazing career I could only dream of. Still loving SF?
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Ahh, thank you! Yes, SF has stolen my heart. Hard being far from family, especially with this hurricane headed to my hometown, but really loving all SF has to offer!
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It is quite the place. Reminds me a little of Seattle with the rainy weather and all the pier down by the water. Yeah, it makes it hard to see family when you are so far away. So are they doing okay in Fla?
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As far as I know, everyone is safe — lots without power but minimal damage. Family who evacuated have yet to see the state of their homes, but fingers crossed they’ll be OK!
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Glad they are safe, but if there is damage, that seems a little depressing too. Having to deal with all that cleanup, and all your stuff being destroyed is pretty hard too.
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Oh, I am SO bitter! 8000 followers, you bastard! (um, “bastard” is something of a compliment from me; I’ll explain that in a blog post some time). I was happy that I just got my 762nd. Although, I feel 762 is a far superior number to 800, preferring non-round numbers in certain situations. For example, I’d rather say, “That was funny the first time you said it, not the 3,487th” instead of “…not the bazillionth.” Well, you’ll soon get your 8,001st follower. Let me know when you do, then I’ll unfollow you and get you back to a round number.
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I’m glad you are bitter. My blog grows in strength whenever someone has a bitter situation. And yes, your 762 are way superior to my 800, because most of them are just ramblings that need to be put in the trash.
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No, 762 followers, not posts. I have over 1600 posts (too lazy to check the exact number), but no idea how many of those are lame (many). Rock on. I will not unfollow you.
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That is a lot of posts. So do you do like two a day or something? That seems like an awful lot of work.
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One per day, but I never miss a day. They add up. It is not much work when you consider how pathetically stupid some of my posts are.
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I thought doing 4-5 a week was being busy. But every day? That is like amazing.
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Why thank you. My original plan had been to post every day for a year. Then a year came and went, and I just can never bear for today to be the day I don’t make some kind of post.
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That is pretty amazing. I am always trying to post as much as possible without making people get too tired of me. Though mine are usually between 500-700, and themed, so I try to give people a little rest between posts.
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Yes, you obviously take more care with your posts than I do. I keep thinking I’m going to make better blog posts, and once in a while I do. Um, I won’t today, though.
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And there is nothing wrong with that. You don’t owe anyone anything.
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Well, other than a couple of banks and credit card companies…
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Maybe a mortgage company or two…
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800 posts, 8000 followers…I’m starting to lose track…ZZzzzzz
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Me too. I’m starting to get sleepy, very sleepy. All I need is a comfortable couch and this would knock me right out.
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Damn you and your math. I had managed to escape math for the day; no shopping, no calculating how much I will need to survive to the end of the month, and the one of my favorite bitter pits has to throw his infinity math bit at me. Jut remember, Math is made up of bits and if you take the bit out of bitter all you have it ter and that aint for – you know what.
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Now I’m super bitter, because not only did I make someone else do math, but math took bits from my bitter and that just isn’t cool, math.
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I am still highly bitter about high school Algebra class and how hard I had to work at it. I still don’t understand why y equals x…or maybe not. I have the calculator app on my phone, so why is there a need for Algebra? I don’t get it.
Anyhow, congrats on 8,000 followers and 800 posts. I think you should celebrate for 80 hours by eating 8 pieces of pie and taking 18 naps. Oh, and make sure you watch Channel 8 on the TV tonight.
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I am so with you there sister. I have a phone, I can check my son’s work on his math. Why does he need to be able to figure out that stuff manually?
I think I will celebrate my turning the 8 to the side and doing an eternity of sitting around doing nothing.
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Doing nothing? Kind of like what you do now?
(I have no idea who just typed that, but it wasn’t me.)
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Totally what I do now, yes. I’m hoping to work toward doing even less soon.
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800 post, 8000 followers. Is 8 your lucky number or something??
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Or unlucky number. Not sure. I guess we will find out soon.
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Ditto. Man, she took my comment! Great minds think alike, I guess. 🙂
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Not exactly math related, but the number 8 is pretty much the symbol for infinity. Maybe your counter is actually displaying that you have in infinite number of followers, and it’s so many times infinite, that they had to add the 0’s after it to express how far beyond you are. I’d say that’s pretty bad a. But in a super bitter way.
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I forgot about the whole sideways eight thing. Once again, I miss out on yet another opportunity.
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