If you’ve ever watched the cable channel IFC, you know that their slogan is “Always on, slightly off.” It’s because it’s the channel for hipsters, who’s motto is “I liked so and so something or other BEFORE it was cool.”
I’m actually the anti-hipster, not only because I have a hip that always hurts because one of my legs is shorter than the other, so therefore, I walk like a 75 year old man, but because I was always dorky way before it was cool to be so. You know, before Gates and Jobs, made so much money that they could build huge Gates and get everyone else Jobs.
Me, on the other hand, used my nerdiness to enjoy things that didn’t make me any money, like being a big Transformer nerd and not being able to act, dance, sing, draw, account, computer, lawyer, or doctor. Though I wish I could doctor my personality to make me more hip or at least have a better hip so it wasn’t such a pain in the neck, uh, hip. Maybe I’m just in pain and should sit down on a couch instead of doing things.
How about we stop concentrating on my pain and focus on other people’s pain. Like we do on a weekly basis here anyways….in the form of Giftures.
Let’s get this party kicked off…
…by throwing a ladderall.
Just don’t get so fooled by the slick salesmanship…
…that you get bowled over.
I think we all know…
…where this is headed.
I bet you think…
…that this is staged.
Or that you may…
…have made a huge mistake being here.
You bitter hurry…
..and ketchup…
Or you are going to have to…
…face the fact…
That you may need to…
…leap into action…
Or you are going to get…
…bussted.
If you don’t buy in…
…things could get explosive…
And really start to…
…fall apart quickly.
Just remember…
…you got one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you wanted…so don’t drop bombs…or hangliders….
Whatever you do this weekend, make sure that stay always on, but slightly off. Don’t be cool before everyone else is because that is not the way to live your life, live slightly off balance like me. Get you leg shortened or longened and give yourself a new perspective. Like from the couch. Cause the couch is the only way you’ll see your TV comfortably and your legs won’t hurt as much as if you did a marathon.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Recalibration Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I read this while drinking two beers and sitting on my back deck. I feel like I’m connecting to your Friday GIFt to the blogging world.
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Always a good place to read about something bitter.
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I’m still laughing at that throw-in. Must have watched it 20 times.
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And it would keep letting you watch it all day if you wanted. The amazing part of gifs.
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Why do all hipsters want to say they did something BEFORE it was cool? It’s not very hip to do something while it’s still in its dork phase. Like, I used to play some cutthroat badminton in college, you know, back before it became a hip sport. Doesn’t that sound even more lame? Happy Friday, Ben. PS: I don’t know what a man bun is, and hope I never have to find out. 🙂
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Yeah, a man bun is pretty scary. It’s when a man with long hair wears it up in a bun, just like a woman would.
I was pretty good at walleyball a sport that used a racquet ball court, but of course I never made the professionals, because they don’t have one.
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Haha, my friend literally just complained her legs feel like she ran a marathon :’)
Nice gifs, as ever. What’s wrong with the lady and the bus, though? She looks like she’s done that before… D:
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Like she might be trying to collect some insurance money or something? Yeah.
I feel like I’ve run a pretend marathon almost everyday, and that’s when I’ve sat on the couch.
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I can’t be a hipster. I can’t fit into too-tight pants and I don’t own nearly enough ugly brown plaid clothing.
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And I don’t have enough time to hang out at coffee shops all day.
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You know I was planning on jump kicking something off a ladder. I am glad to have this ghost of ladders future to help me see the error of my ways. Also, (during his lifetime) I think punching Bruce Lee goes on the list of good ideas right before eating glass. Also, on a metaphysical level, Bitter Ben have you ever had a bittersweet moment?
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Every moment I have is twinged with bitterness. And I could see the ladder kicking being a good career move, especially if you were to go into the Bitter Gif acting profession.
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Don’t worry Ben…I bet all the hipsters find you delightfully ironic but if you really want that appeal, maybe think about growing a beard…and a man bun.
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Sadly, I’m growing the beard this week, because there is an inspection on the house, but if we pass I’m allowed to shave, but the man bun would only be able to be obtained with a wig I’m afraid.
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Even better!
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Even bitter.
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