Can’t do attitude Friday Giftures

Annnddd....here we go.

Annnddd….here we go.

The thing I love best about living in America is the amount of freedom we are given. Dreams are so abundant here that they grow on tall, leaf covered lamp posts.  If there is a light on your street, there is a dream to be achieved.  If you want to a successful salesman, all you have to do is work hard, pound the pavement, and make sure your parents set up a trust fund.  If you want to start a successful tech company, make up a campus website, cheat your friends and enemies out of their shares of Facebook and be a complete tool.  And if you dream of being a completely bitter, lazy office drone with a can’t do attitude, there’s no better place than the land of the free pizza, home of the chicken dinners.  And there is no better place to get famous by being a meme or a being in a completely mortifying gif than America.  So what do you say, should we make someone famous?

 

Here’s our first future Kardashian…

...of a girl that refuses to be ambitious.

…a girl that is proactively not making something of her life.

 

When you are a comedian but not good at using your words…

...just dress up as a mascot and do stupid.

…just dress up as a mascot and do stupid.

 

When you’re not really a sport…

...just dress up and do stupid.

…just dress up and do stupid(BTW, if doing this qualifies as wrestling, I wrestle at work all day.)

 

People always wonder….

...this is the way I go through my paperwork.

…how I go through all my paperwork so fast. 

 

This is how you do…

...a sling shot wedding.

…a sling shot wedding.

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen….

...the future first cut of the Berenstain Bear Elementary School.

…the future first cut of the Berenstain Bear Elementary School.

 

The fastest way to go your cardio done…

...so you can get back to the couch potatoeing.

…so you can get back to the couch potatoeing.

 

And what better excuse to not leave the couch…

good thing lava only destroys

…when you’re just trying to avoid the hot lava. 

 

No better way to skip all the training…

sldkfjkld

…and go straight to space. 

 

I will come help you with your…

...dfsdf

…OH MY GOSH! BANANAAAAAAA!

Alright, Imana fix this swingset…

SLKFJDLK

…after I take a nap. 

 

It’s been a long day of not living up to my potential.  High Fives..

 

...I hate you guys.

…Come on! It’s a high five…

 

Alright let’s try that again…

 

...Okay you guys suck at this.

…Okay you guys suck at this.

Clearly it is time to go, because I’ve got a whole day ahead of me.  I’ve got work to avoid, lunch to be late back for and ambitions to totally crush.  It’s hard work being mediocre, but you know, not everyone can be great or have the ambition to be good at something.

Later Slackers

Bitter Can’t Even Ben

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31 thoughts on “Can’t do attitude Friday Giftures

  1. Gosh, the slingshot wedding. Just SO romantic. I’m thinking…me and Butler…30th wedding anniversary coming up..maybe re due our vows. Gosh. What better way? Or maybe be shot out of a cannon. Or maybe I’ll just shoot him out of a cannon. Yeah. Uh huh. Great idea. Thanks Bitter Ben.

    Like

  2. The toddler and the basketball was funny. 😄
    Also really liked the cat and the bananas. (WHAT IS THAT?!)

    I’m really wondering how that kid with the hamster thought that was a good idea . . .

    Like

    • The cat with the bananas is pretty awesome. I don’t know what they cat thought it was, but it sure was scary.
      I guess that would be the first hamster in space? My daughter would be pretty distraught if that happened to hers. One time hers got out of its ball and she had a complete melt down.

      Like

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