In case you missed it…because you were reading the comics

In case you were reading the comics.

In case you were busy reading ancient sanskrit comics.

Back in the old days, when I was just a little bitter chump, one of my lazy Sunday afternoon activities was reading this thing called a newspaper, which was printed on paper.  Besides making a horrible mess on your hands, it was also the punchline of a really horrible joke.  Which reminds me.  What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra that spilled red Kool-Aid on half of its white stripes…. Also a newspaper.  Because you “red” it, get it?  Almost as funny as that joke, were these ancient drawings in sanskrit that were supposed to funny called the Sunday Comics.  There weren’t funny but I didn’t know it at the time.  Now my whole sense of humor is based on emulating comics, which even if I did perfectly would have been horrifically bad.  Let’s just say you should be expecting to see me on the Tonight Show anytime.  Speaking of things you shouldn’t read on Sunday, I’ve got my weekly recap of all the garbage I did this week.  (Speaking of which, I should probably remember to take that out or my wife will get mad at me.)

I wrote about some other ancient fossilized creatures called President’s and the day after their celebration and how bitter that day makes me every year.  I might have also complained about work, which you know, doesn’t make anyone bitter.  Today at church I heard someone speak about liking their job and having to quit the job and I was like, “Really? There is someone that actually likes their job and they are going to quit it?” I don’t care if my family needed more time with me, or it was to save my life.  I would never keep a job that made me happy.  I would have nothing to complain about when I was at a party trying to avoid talking to people. Bitter to the max!

Friday was devoid of comic humor as well, because our company had a party to celebrate the new location that I hate.  It’s farther away, it’s combined with a new warehouse and it is losing us more money than we could possibly imagine.  So of course, what better way to celebrate something miserable than to have a party.  My way of celebrating all our bad news on Friday was to do my typical loser post of Friday Gifitures. Cause that is how I roll.  Downhill.

The twitter machine was working, but not nearly as hard as I was at work.

Wit came out in the comments, despite the garbage that was put in this week.

President’s Day Bitterness:

“love the southern exposure.” Ksbeth

“I think Vice Presidents are probably even more bitter about President’s Day than you are.” Katie

On Friday Giftures Losing:

“LOL is it wrong my favorite is the guy with no arm and no leg? I literally couldn’t stop laughing. i’m going to hell.” rynolexson

“Love this (unless you were expecting failure, in which case I hate it).” Kate Lester

And now…it’s bonus gifture time…because of no reason at all.

How about a little

Mooommm, Could you knock before you embarrass me in front of the internet?

dkfjlsdkjf

I WILL DELIVER IN ANY WEATHER! I AM A POSTMAN! Screw it. I’m going home.

Alright. Have a Bitter Sunday reading something that is actually good.  I’m out.

Bitter Sunday Comic Ben

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55 thoughts on “In case you missed it…because you were reading the comics

  1. My heart goes out to that mailman. Walking to and from the train this winter has taught me that slushy snow may be more dangerous than quicksand, but at least it melts instead of staying in unmentionable places.

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  2. Yeah, you’re right. Teeth can’t repair themselves. I had FIVE teeth worked on ON MY BIRTHDAY on Thursday because the gums have ripped away from the teeth because evidently I grind my teeth at night, a sign of bitterness (oh, and brother, am I chock-full of it), and it cost the same as my first car AND IT STILL HURTS LIKE A MOFO. All freaking five. I see your bitterness and raise it tonight!

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  3. Calvin and Hobbes would make any bitter man smile. If I ever spawn a child, I wish it to be as bitter as Calvin. In relation to that person who likes their job, are you sure that it’s a person? Maybe it’s some sort of alien being sent to this planet to counterattack your bitterness? You cannot let that person win!

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    • I have a child named Calvin that I am raising to be bitter like me and Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. Though he is making me bitter right now because he isn’t going to bed.

      As far as I know that person wasn’t human. How could someone possibly like their job unless it was staying at home and playing video games all day.

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