Friday Giftures Losing

Losing is a way of life for a bitter person.  From the very start I found a way to turn almost sure wins into bitter defeats.  Before my arms were able to do anything but move around spastically like a Saturday Morning Cartoon, my mom would pretend to feed me stuff that looked like pudding, but ended up being peas or squash flavored baby food.  Then I won the lottery of great places to live in the U.S. when I was born in California.  We then moved to a suburb of NYC when I was 6. Not bad either.  Some would say even better.  Then, just when I thought I would move to the third best city in the US, (Chicago, Miami, Sochi? oh wait..) we moved to the biggest city in all the land…of South Dakota.  Luckily I was able to stay there in the bitter cold winters, the farm scented land and the wonderfully enchanting conversations about the weather until I graduated high school.  As a bitter loser and winner, I discourage you to follow your dreams. Here are some really great gifs to encourage you to get this () close to winning and then let victory be snatched from your grasps.

Start your day with a little discouragement…

We slkjfldskjf

you get what you deserve…

 

Fail at even things you were supposed to do wrong…

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I’m gonna score a basket for the other team…No!  I missed it.  Dang it, teammates!

 

Get your toilet paper stolen….

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Your wife is gonna be mad if you don’t bring some home…and change the roll.

 

Blow on a dandelion for good luck…

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Hope those don’t grow stuff in your stomach…

 

Lose in the debut of Ice Biking in the Winter Olympics…

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She forgot to use the stay at home by the fire technique. 

 

 

Lose on game point…

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by the 13th oldest trick in the book…

 

Burn your house down…

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…because you forgot to turn off the stove…

 

Jump out of your window for the great escape…

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only to break your legs..

 

Get upstaged in your dancing debut…

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…only to debut your bitter face…

 

You’re going to win an Olympic medal.  All you have to do is…

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land this one! uhhhh…..

 

Soccer…

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…not sock her..or him.

 

Going grocery shopping….

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…no way there could be bad memories here…With great power comes great ricesponsibility..

 

My suggestion? (I know, nobody likes them.)  Get out there and get your hopes up. Really high.  That way when you fail you will be that much more miserable and bitter.  Be a loser, like me!

Bitter Loser Ben

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62 thoughts on “Friday Giftures Losing

  1. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were reading the comics | Ben's Bitter Blog

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  3. Love the Olympic one. I swear that when I watch events with baited breath where a Canadian is touted to take the medal and the announcers go on about how the person will medal, it’s the curse of death. The athlete Dq’s or Dnf’s and 4 years of hard work is gone. It’s the announcer’s malukey!

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  4. I am getting pretty bitter about “judge metal” lyrics. It’s not just metal — country music is about number one in judge metal lyrics. I don’t want to say, “If you can’t find something nice to sing about someone, DON’T sing it at all…” let he who is without sin cast the first stone and sing the first judge metal song. There are other facets of this furnomenon: morning radio. Irk. Mouth Rushless Limbaugh. Of course, if I keep going on like this, I am practically doing some of the things these “artists” do. Rushuglican — if I listened to all that stuff, I’d HEAR it, and that would presuppose I would actually devote TIME to thinking about it. I must say that thinking this kind of thing is going on out there makes the rum ratio to rum and Coke in some people’s shot glasses at night higher. I thought I saw Rush starring in a porn video back in the 70s.

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  5. That dandelion gif! Poor unsuspecting girl, I bet that dandelion left a very bitter taste in her mouth, alongside a furious distrust of all people. I think I’ve learned something today. Never trust dandelions.

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  6. So the one with the amputee may haunt me forever, because there’s a legless (probably not the appropriate term) homeless man I pass every day, and he’s kind of scary. If he was chasing me in the grocery store, I’d probably need to rip open that toilet paper and use it right then and there, if you know what I mean.

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  7. I like that girl’s bitter face as she does her best Pulp Fiction dance. If she smokes, her lips will dry up and wither like that in a few years, and she will have to plump them with filler and get Trout Face, which will maker her bitterer. Mo’ bitter? Bitterest! Oh, you should set up a pinterest site called bitterest, where you can only post bitter things, like lemon recipes and the presidential election results.

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