I’m the All-Star MVP of bitterness.
As you know, it is NBA All-Star Weekend and it is all about millionaires celebrating how great they are. They work really hard at not playing defense, lazily dunking on each other and trying to outdo each other to prove who is the Alpha Male of all Alpha Males in world of basketball. Because you know, it’s a team sport and it is all about how high they jump and posterize each other as opposed to who actually wins the game. The best part is the winners of everything get even more money for winning, because you know, they don’t have enough money.
Luckily, I spent all kinds of time being All Star bitter this week. I didn’t get to type out how truly bitter I was, because I was actually being bitter about work. Though I have been bitter about my job for a long time. Like 40 years I think?
Since it was Valentine’s Day this week, and 99% of people are bitter about it, and 2% like it(I think that adds up to 100%, not so good at math), I decided to take an inside look at the Four Chambers of my Bitter Heart, all four chambers. It wasn’t pretty, but since when has anyone’s heart been pretty. It’s full of blood and veins and all kinds of squishy stuff. My heart is an All-Star MVP when it comes to being bitter.
Then there was the All Star of the Entire Earth, Gravity. People try to fight it, but they always lose in the end. Which causes bitterness and that is what life is all about. Bitterness. So Friday, I themed my Giftures around Gravity.
I twitted stuff this week and my Klout score did not make the All-Star Team. In fact, the tweets got cut from the team. Perhaps you could help get them at least on the bench by viewing the items below. Or maybe not. I have no idea how Klout works, other than I have none in my life, so why would I have any on Twitter?
People did comments about stuff:
The Four Chambers of My Bitter Heart:
“I had brussel sprouts sauteed in bacon grease today–That is one way to disguise a vegetable to get into the Chamber of Cholesterol.” artjen1971
“I’ll be in the chamber of cholesterol on friday (well actually that’s everyday). And you will be happy to hear that I have been feeling very BITTER lately.” brickhousechick
“The Chamber of Cholesterol sounds like fun. All the best food groups dancing around together! I’m going to need a chamber reserved for post-Valentine’s day chocolate. Because, chocolate.” Miss Four Eyes
The Bitter Gravity of Friday Gifitures:
“Most people get flowers and candy for valentines day. I’m getting a tooth pulled.” Floridabourne
“G-force, activate!!! happy and bitter everything )” Ksbeth
And….some bonus all star giftures…
Okay, let’s get this party started…
Shake hands…dude come shake hands…come on..
Make sure you play some defense…
…instead of just falling down on the job…
Now get back to watching overpaid athletes make more money and fight it out for Alpha Male status…or something else really boring.
Arrrggghhhhh
All Time Bitter Great Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I (unfortunately) saw part of the All Stars Game. I was wondering how Busta Rhymes got his hands on a time machine to travel from when he was relevant to 2014.
LikeLike
That was Busta Rhymes? He was talking to fast for me to understand.
LikeLike
sorry to hear you’ve been feeling bitter. i haven’t been following the basketball event in the olympics. by the way, what does “posterize” mean? great tweets! thanks, as always, for liking my blog posts. cheer up, benjamin!
LikeLike
Posterize is doing a dunk so good that it deserves to be on a poster and the person that is being dunked on is part of the poster. I’m always bitter, but in a bitter way, so it is okay.
LikeLike
Hi There! My bitterness continues. Are we related?
LikeLike
I think we are all related by our bitterness. It’s stronger than any family you could ever have.
LikeLike
Does the pizza support the bitterness? Is it how you replenish your bitter powers?
LikeLike
Thank you so much for this pithy post. I am so glad someone out there abhors Valentine’s day as much as this tattered heart does. It makes me want to do algebra (as they used to say in the ’80’s, “gag me with a 2 X 4”) and torture baby turtles for a living. Your insight into the NBA was so bitter, but so true…what is the NBA anyway- Numbing Boredom Always?
LikeLike
I can identify with the Charlie horse one. Wth is that intense, instant pain all about anyway 😦 They suck. I’ve been extra special bitter the last few days. I can’t even stand myself. I’ve even tried to escape my own skin!
LikeLike
Nothing better than to get those at three in the morning and you can’t get back to sleep. I am glad you are having a lot of bitterness lately. Makes it seems like my bitterness is finally spreading.
LikeLike
It’s spreading alright but it’s killing me and everyone else around me 😦
LikeLike
Try not to die. Then I would have no one to comment on my crappy posts.
LikeLike
I’ll try 😉 thanks for your bitter concern
LikeLike
You know me. Always concerned about myself and not others.
LikeLike
I just laughed out loud
LikeLike
Don’t hurt yourself or you’ll be bitter about that too.
LikeLike
😉
LikeLike
No one does bitter as well and as humorously as you do, Bitter Ben. Love your posts.
LikeLike
Probably because no one else does bitterness. Everyone else does anger or betrayal.
LikeLike
And regret and resentment.
LikeLike
I’ll leave that stuff for the experts, even though I dabble in them from time to time.
LikeLike
“I think my work phone is broken. It keeps ringing and asking me to do things.”
I really hate that. Every Monday morning, I think that’s going to be fixed and noooooo…someone needs something immediately and it just goes downhill from there.
LikeLike
Scary how a phone call on Monday is the best it gets all week.
LikeLike
I am going to go out into the world and conquer some pizzas.
LikeLike
I am going to slam them down one by one. It is my bitter mission.
LikeLike
i think i see dead pizza haiku:
every pizza a
personal pizza if you
try hard and believe
LikeLike
do you ever watch sports?
LikeLike
only during the day…or night.
LikeLike
so not very often:those are the only 2 times
LikeLike
yep only every once in a while.
LikeLike
you seem to know a lot about sports: you knee knows….
LikeLike
Dear Mr. Ever. Did you know your first name is Bitterest?
LikeLike
Yep. I am the All Star MVP when it comes to bitter.
LikeLike