Although it is my neighbors sincere wish that I move far away from them, I am not hunting for houses. I’ve never been much of a hunter anyways, because that would require that I do it at least one time. Looking at houses in my spare time isn’t much fun either because I look at them almost every time I leave my own house. They all seem to look the same. Almost all of them are built with some sort of wood, possibly some nails and paint. As far as I know, it takes a person to be in charge and to draw up some plans to build a house. I, other the other hand, am not really good at planning things. In fact, the words that you read here were thought up maybe 2 or 3 seconds ago.
What I should have planned was avoiding the TV show that I watched on Sunday. When I am lucky enough (IE when no one else is around), I get to choose the programs we watch on TV. In that rare occasion when I do, it will be some sort of sport, sport highlights or comedy that is actually funny like the Office or Community. Sunday was not one of those days. What happened to be on was a show called Property Virgins. It’s about youngish people who live in apartments, shacks, sheds or their mother’s basements that want to upgrade to their first “real” property, IE home ownership.
The couple featured on this show were just ordinary young early 20’s couple that were getting married . He, of course, was living in his mom’s basement and they met because his mommy couldn’t pick him up after school work, so his soon to be fiance gave him a ride. Of course, they had way low expectations for their first house. By low expectation, I mean brand new construction, french doors, crown molding, completely finished basements, Paris Hilton sized closets, huge master bedroom and 4000 square feet of rooms, doors, and windows, all for under $200,000. They really knew how to temper their expectations. And the fact that all they wanted was a 2-3 acre lot, fulled landscaped and manicured just showed how little they expected for their meager budget. Most people dream unrealistically about 1000 square feet, a couple of bathrooms and 3 bedrooms. Not this humble couple.
All they wanted was a place to put their meager things. Their one couch would fit cozily in the grand entry hall with vaulted ceilings and bay windows and their fouton was just the right match for their tiny 500 square foot bedroom that was only the size of a NY apartment. And this young not quite married dude only needed a tiny walk in closet for his two flannel shirts, ripped jeans and flip flops. And she definitely needed whatever was left for her walk in closet for her prom dress, wedding dress and her pair of Uggs.
The two car garage was absolutely essential for the one car they had, that would have to deal with the severe sub 70 degree cold spells they would experience in the cold winters of Georgia and the heavy 20 minute commute they had from downtown Atlanta. How cruel that someone would expect them to deal with that unrelenting 20 minute (in heavy traffic) commute to downtown. They may only go there a few times a year, but when they did, they wanted a warmed up car in the garage when they took the bus.
That doesn’t even begin to describe the horror they had to go through when they had to wait a whole 5 weeks to hear back from their realtor about the foreclosure. The bank felt really bad about the horrific wait they had to endure, so they decided to lower the asking price from $199,000 to $188,000. The young man had to deal with his mom making him breakfast, lunch and dinner for five whole weeks. The terror and pain he had to suffer.
Most people would have walked away from this dud of a house when they discovered the squeaky floorboards, but this couple endured. They may have had to pay a whopping $188,000 and get everything they wanted, but they had to endure the sqeaky floorboards that may not get fixed for several days. This couple was clearly an example of the pioneering spirit of the youth of today. They had to wait until they were almost 22 and married to achieve their dream home. How can we all not look to them as an example of how to overcome adversity? Will we someday see them have a child to fill their busy schedules? Let’s hope not because where would there be space for this tiny child?
I’m just bitter because we are all not more like these overacheivers. I think more of us need to sit around waiting for our dreams to be fulfilled instead of getting out there working on them. Who is with me?
Arrrrgghhhh
Bitter Dreamer Ben
Am Bitter indeed, Ben. That I had not come across Your blog earlier. Also, each and every post (though I have been only through two), seems to poke right into me, making me bitterer and bitterer. Like, my father was making only about 9 dollars by today’s standards, when I could have dug into him.
There is Much I could write to You and about You(!) But let me Warn You, You are making PG Wodehouse turn tops in his grave. Must be Very uncomfortable for him, at his age and all that. Consider that!
Let me Bitterly inform You that I have become Your Fan and Follower.
Tweeted, Facebooked and Reblogged Your post. Love and Regards.
LikeLike
Welcome to the Bitterdome! It get’s pretty hot in here some make sure you bring your portable fan.
LikeLike
But do You at least promise me a 24 hour current supply? Am used to powerful power cuts here! Like We get it for 12 hours a day! If You do not promise me the electrical supply, then let me Bitterly tell You that I am NOT going to Lug around my Old, Beastly Fan, or Anything!
LikeLike
We promise some bitter power, for a little while anyways.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on lovehappinessandpeace and commented:
Am Really Bitter that Ben had Not written this about 50 years ago. Not that it would have worked. As my Father was making only about 9 dollars (in today’s money) a month at that time.
A Wonderful Blog for all those who are interested in Humour.
LikeLike
thanks for sharing your thoughts on the value of idle dreaming, ben. i agree that laziness is far more rewarding, satisfying, and fulfilling than working your balls off for nothing (i hope for your sake you don’t have the misfortune to be married; if so, i commiserate). thanks also for liking my poem. keep the faith–or lack thereof.
LikeLike
I just can’t see the reason for hard work when it never pays off.
LikeLike
So much space… Those shows always have a couple that wants like 4000+ square feet of living space…I think they forget you then have to CLEAN 4000+ square feet of living space. Imagine? I can barely keep up with the 700 square feet of my apartment….
LikeLike
I’m thinking they would just spend the whole day trying to find each other.
LikeLike
I love these shows! They make me bitter and supremtimedrunk if I take a shot every time some yokel virgin says in their entitled syrupy southern drawl, ” Ah hāf to hāve graynit cownertops and stīneliss stayle applah-ances.”
LikeLike
Stoopid auto correct–SUPREMELY!
LikeLike
Freaking ato curect.
LikeLike
Better watch those after the boys are in bed and Oprah isn’t stalking you.
LikeLike
Washing one rah now…
LikeLike
Hope the boys are in the other room.
LikeLike
Nope–they’re are filling the shot glasses…seriously, just kidding…(in case Oprah actually sees and believes this thread and decides to put me on her show for other reasons that wouldn’t benefit me…)
LikeLike
She should be putting you on her show for you wonderous DIY creations. Just kidding, for your disfunctional parenting.
LikeLike
Indeed…surely I have something to offer other lazy parents who want to become artists and friends of Oprah.
LikeLike
I have more to offer about lazy parenting and not DIY.
LikeLike
Wanna bet?
LikeLike
Yep. I have great lazy parent skills and way less DIY experience.
LikeLike
I’ve never watched that show you’re talking about. I would say that it seems like a waste of time, but hey, got you a funny entry about it.
And Community is hilarious, by the way. XD
LikeLike
I think you would be better off to never watch that show. I take the bullet so others don’t have to.
I was just watching Community on DVD yesterday. I relate with Jeff the most because of how he feels like he should be in the big time instead of tolling away in the Community college.
LikeLike
I probably WON’T ever watch the show, although your post about it did make me curious (to see if it was as ridiculous as claimed).
I don’t know if I relate to anyone on Community. I just think it’s funny.
LikeLike
I watched about even more this weekend and I can see why everyone in that school wants to be part of the study group. They would be a riot to hang out with.
LikeLike
Pingback: In case you missed Bitterness as much as you missed the Government(ie not at all) | Ben's Bitter Blog
You mean not everybody expects this for their first home?
LikeLike
Nope just you and them. You got your 4000 square foot house picked out yet?
LikeLike
Not quite. But I’ve been taking notes. I do have a Pinterest board dedicated to it.
LikeLike
Well don’t settle for anything less than that size of house for under $200K. And make sure the lawn is pristine, there are three garage ports and it has broadband internet.
LikeLike
Oh absolutely. I’ll also need a tower out back, so I can send my kids there when they’re grounded. I might even put a moat around it.
LikeLike
That is a great idea! A tower and a moat to send the kids for a time out. Why didn’t I think of that. No wonder you are the ruler of evil around here!
LikeLike
Hehe the only problem will be getting the kids to stay out of trouble. If I had such a cool place to be sent to on a time out…I might have gotten in trouble more often.
LikeLike
Then you just tell them if they are bad they don’t get to play in the moat.
LikeLike
Haha perfect!
LikeLike
Or that they have been de-moated.
LikeLike
Bahahaha you crack me up.
LikeLike
I’m good for a really bad pun every once in a while.
LikeLike
It’s why I stick around.
LikeLike
I get it. STICK around. You are good at bad puns too.
LikeLike
😉
LikeLike
Oh, BB, you described this show so perfectly. I confess, I’ve watched it a couple of times and get p.o.’d every time. My first home (by myself) was a 12×60 ft trailer. And I was happy with it. Now you’ve just made me bitter for having such low expectations.
LikeLike
I lived in a two room apartment and I was feeling pretty lucky that I had two rooms.
LikeLike
Honestly, could you really expect this sweet couple to live without Mediterranean tile and a 6 burner, commercial grade oven? You’re a monster!
LikeLike
I know, especially when they might want to have a child someday.
LikeLike
You don’t have a barbie shrine in your house?? Don’t lock those beauties away…
LikeLike
No but I do have a shrine to my flannel and flip flops.
LikeLike
Those shows always make good fodder. After fourteen months of solid remodeling, all I can do is drink my whiskey and laugh at their candy asses. I didn’t need a reality series to take care of business.
LikeLike
I think it is time for those shows to do it for people that actually deserve it like you who worked on your remodel for 14 months.
LikeLike
Cheers to that, my good man.
LikeLike
I’m EXACTLY like those overachievers, actually compared to me they are underachievers. Working to achieve dreams is for the less entitled. I’ve been waiting for someone to bring me a bowl of ice cream for a while now. Am I going to get up and get one? No! Am I bitter? Do I REALLY have to answer that? Do I?
LikeLike
I assume that someone is going to go get you some ice cream so you can achieve your goals.
LikeLike
I’m still waiting. Now I’m in the bathtub but I’m losing patience. I must have called Mom over an hour ago.
LikeLike
She has no idea how much you isn’t helping you achieve your dreams of ice cream. Moma guilt much?
LikeLike
I think that was Walden II… whippersnapper!
LikeLike
Ahh the sequel. I don’t remember that movie. At least Hunger Games is having a sequel.
LikeLike
Yes, I agree. Matter of fact, I’m much better at sitting than working. Plus, it’s an age-defying activity, no stress and I can watch as much TV I want. That can’t happen if I’m working.
LikeLike
As hard as I have tried to, I can’t seem to focus on watching TV, when I am working. Lesson:work less.
LikeLike
Wow. I love the distorted outlook.
LikeLike
I have always had a distorted outlook. Except mine skews a little bitter.
LikeLike
Hilarious!
They won’t be virgins for long ’cause soon they’ll get screwed by property taxes!
LikeLike
They’ll get screwed by a lot of things soon.
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
Sounds like you were watching “reality” TV. The only real thing about it is that they found a couple willing to follow whatever script they gave them in return for some prize with untold strings attached. (there was supposed to be a marionette joke here, but it escapes me)
LikeLike
I am pretty good about ignoring TV, while on my laptop, but for some reason this stupid couple got under my bitter skin. Their acting really made me bitter.
LikeLike
You are the Rodney Dangerfield of the Blogosphere.
LikeLike
Is he someone that is studying to be bitter? Or is he a bitter forefather?
LikeLike
You don’t know who Rodney Dangerfield is?
LikeLike
Just a joke. Rodney is a bitter genius!
LikeLike
Whew, I was becoming bitter because I thought you might be too young to remember him.
LikeLike
I’ll never forget Rodney. He is the king.
LikeLike
So true.
LikeLike
Maybe someday I will be as bitter as him.
LikeLike
Did your neighbors
tell you that’s their sincere wish ?
that’s really rude!
LikeLike
No, but I wish they would. Then I could have an excuse to move because my neighbors are “harrassing me.”
LikeLike
are they making comments on your blog?
LikeLike
My neighbors? They don’t care about my blog. It would take them too long to type the letters.
LikeLike
lol…maybe you should make them live in the basement & you can live in their house.
LikeLike
that sounds like kidnapping…great idea. i’ll do it tonight.
LikeLike
thank-you, i don’t often have great ideas.
LikeLike
I have great ideas, but I suck at executing them.
LikeLike
i can’t believe that; about the executions… i believe you have great ideas.
LikeLike
If I was good at execution, i would be much bitter off than I am now.
LikeLike
lol.bitter off…i say you would be less bitter off.
LikeLike
I’m pretty sure I’m always more bitter.
LikeLike
i’m pretty sure you would know.i guess if you weren’t you would have to change your name.
LikeLike
it wouldn’t make alliteration sense to change my name now…
LikeLike
lol no it wouldn’t bitter ben jammin jelly doughnut jam in.
LikeLike
ben jammin jelly.
LikeLike
i like that ; are you going to sing? or are those doughnuts?
LikeLike
maybe more like rapping. but cool instead of how i would do it.
LikeLike
lol..if you did it, it would be cool.you could rap haiku or haiku wrap.
LikeLike
if I was a rapping haikuist I would need you to be the writer. and I would need JayZ to be the rappist.
LikeLike
i’ll be the haiku writer…just thank-ful you didn’t ask me to sing.
LikeLike
I will be glad to let Jayz sing them for you.
LikeLike
i will be glad too. i could play the piano or the flute or violin but nuh uh , no singing.
LikeLike
JayZ can talk really fast so he can qualify as a rapper.
LikeLike
i can talk really slow.what kind of job can i get?
LikeLike
you could be slow z.
LikeLike
show 2 .slow 2.act 2.
LikeLike
maybe you could be the first slow haiku rapper. A new genre.
LikeLike
i could be that. the slower the better.
LikeLike
the slower the bitter.
LikeLike
lol the faster the butter cream icing
LikeLike
is it bitter cream icing?
LikeLike
yes it’s bittersweet choc.
LikeLike
that doesn’t sound appetizing at all right now.
LikeLike
no, how about a doughnut?
LikeLike
definitely a donut or a bagel.
LikeLike
you can have both…have you ever heard of a pumpkin bagel?
LikeLike
not a fan of the pumpkin, but bagels and doughnuts yes.
LikeLike
oh you haven’t lived…pumpkin pie,i love it.pumpkin butternut squash soup…pumpkin muffins from whole foods..delicious…
LikeLike
i haven’t lived. i prefer plain old chocolate and bagels.
LikeLike
you have not sir…i like bagels & chocolate….pumpernikel bagels
LikeLike
Entitled much??!! Yep, that’s my bitter thought…along with the “Virgin’s” later bitch-slap to reality: The realization they didn’t KNOW in addition to their manse House Payment there’s these other (ahem) costs like taxes-tons of ’em-as well as homeowners insurance, Home Owner’s Association Fees etc. they didn’t escrow and now? They’re also in foreclosure due to hellacious back taxes and decreed social outcasts by the Home Owners Association. Oh, and the costs of other “necessities” such as the Zero Turning Radius Riding Lawn mower that costs more to fill the tank than their SUV etc.
This old widow broad is smiling in bitter anticipation: Welcome to the Real World, Entitled “Virgins!”
TW
LikeLike
Not that is a rant in which I can relate to. I was almost jumping up and down and talking to myself when I was watching this display of utter ignorance of the fact that they had no need of this much space. And yet, they were still decrying the fact that the floors creaked a little and that just shouldn’t happen in a house.
LikeLike
This post is awesome.
LikeLike
Hopefully I will get to meet these people on the streets when I go to Georgia and I will get to slap them all the way to LA, San Francisco or NY to teach them how expensive things are in the “real” world.
LikeLike
The reason why I can’t have nice things is other people. DAMN THEIR OILY OILED HIDES!
LikeLike
The reason why I can’t is because I don’t live in Georgia.
LikeLike
Ew. Who would want to live thar? BATS THATS WHOM.
LikeLike
Georgians. Georgians want to live there, plus Atlanta Braves and Hawks. Because that is where they play basketball.
LikeLike
Aka, Terrible people.
LikeLike
I guess I should move there then.
LikeLike
I suspect that you are like a plague seed…. wherever u go, so too does bitterness
LikeLike
which is why it rains here all the time and people in Seattle have been bitter for 13 years.
LikeLike
lol.. hunting requires that you do it at least one time?
LikeLike
Yep. I fired a gun once, but only because i was trying to get a merit badge.
LikeLike
did you get the badge?
LikeLike
I must have because I got my Eagle Scout.
LikeLike
so proud of you…did you get a badge for sarcasm about sons in basements.. that was so funny.
LikeLike
If there was a badge for sarcasm I would be the badge councelor. There is now a badge for video games which makes me bitter that it wasn’t around when I was in scouts.
LikeLike
you WOULD be badge councelor…i’m sorry, they should give you that video badge anyway; you deserve it.
LikeLike
I definitely deserve that badge especially with how much time I have given to the Scouting program.
LikeLike
& how much time to video games.
LikeLike
I give much more generously to video games.
LikeLike
lol. you are generous.does santa bring you video games?
LikeLike
when i don’t get them myself, he does for me. he’s already pre-ordered the new xbox for me. if i’m good enough he’ll actually give it me.
LikeLike
lol.woah, santa pre- orders & he tells you….you’ll be good;i’m sure.
LikeLike
santa listens to me sometimes. what about harry hanakkah? does he have anything planned for you?
LikeLike
lol. well i hope harry hanukkah brings hamantaschen = pastry and alliteration…
santa is a good boy
LikeLike
he already brought you alliteration, and pastries would be easy…anything that might last past the day?
LikeLike
so he did….well nothing funny….health , happiness..that’s more alliteration.
LikeLike
as you know i am more of the b type of alliterist.
LikeLike
lol. yes,you are a bitter alliterist…i’m an annoying alliterist
LikeLike
you are more of a haiku horticulturalist.
LikeLike
wow. i did not know that.let me go plant some kale,spinach & carrots, so i can turn orange again.
LikeLike
i am a gardner and i don’t like kale. is something wrong with me?
LikeLike
oh you are a gardner that’s funny….i bet you would like kale chips…they’re like potato chips, but with kale.
LikeLike
i would only like kale if that was my first name. if I ever have another daughter i could name her kale and she could be a kale gardner.
LikeLike
lol… if you were on brooklyn 9-9 & had twins: cagney & lacey.. i like kale better..
LikeLike
was cagney and lacey’s last name gardner?
LikeLike
lol. no it’s jeffords..sgt. terry jefford’s twins.
LikeLike
They were twins? I didn’t see that show enough to remember.
LikeLike
do you mean the show cagney & lacey or the new show brooklyn 9-9, where the sgt builds a dollhouse for his twins?
LikeLike
I haven’t seen the new show on Brooklyn 99, is it good? sounds really realistic
LikeLike
it’s good; not realistic at all.just funny…i don’t think sgt’s take hammers to doll houses in the precinct.? is that a word?
LikeLike
come on a show with andy samberg as a cop is totally realistic.
LikeLike
yes it was very realistic.no singing . i thought he was going to sing…
LikeLike
so it is definitely a drama though right?
LikeLike
no, it’s definitely a comedy…andre braugher tells samberg he is gay at a shoot out at a storage co….someday i may go to jail for a shoot out at a storage company.
LikeLike
I know I saw the previews for it. I have a hard time seeing Samberg doing a drama, especially after seeing him in that stuntman movie.
LikeLike
do you have a hard time seeing him do a comedy, b/c it is a comedy
LikeLike
totally joking. of course it is a comedy.
LikeLike
ah i wasn’t sure; thought you were.
LikeLike
i thought you knew. i kid about most things.
LikeLike
i know .i knew but i wasn’t sure i knew.
LikeLike
when in doubt, assume that i am kidding about most mean things i say.
LikeLike
i will; then i won’t get a hurt feeling.
LikeLike
the only time i hurt someone’s feelings is by mistake or someone i can’t stand.
LikeLike
I’m sitting around right now. I feel like it’s about to happen for me any minute now.
LikeLike
I can see you becoming sucessful already. I have already made a nice dent in my couch.
LikeLike
Ha! For the matchbox collection.
LikeLike
He is a big boy now that he has a big boy house.
LikeLike
i think that Thoreau was definitely on to something when he suggested that the ideal home was a railway box. They’re free, available everywhere, and usually unoccupied.
LikeLike
So you don’t think he was just lazy and wanted to live in the forest because he didn’t want to work, or maybe running from the law?
LikeLike
Thoreau… ? Wasn’t he the guy who rolled up his sleeves and put all that work into building the Walden community??
LikeLike
I think that was Walden.
LikeLike
Walden, “Where I Lived, and What I Lived For, circa 1846, by Thoreau?
LikeLike
Okay, now you’re using your knowledge of reading to make me look bad. How dare you. I’ve read the Hunger Games!
LikeLike
Well there you are… i’ve never read the Hunger Games! I just depend on my kids to keep debriefing me on the 21st century. Apparently, according to them, i’m just about caught up to the seventies.
LikeLike
I thought you were caught up in the Thoreau era. The 1960’s right?
LikeLike
I’m already a year behind on crown moldings and hardwood floors throughout.
I actually enjoy that show–I love how they start walking around in the street of an affluent community they delusionally think they can afford, and then the host takes them to the slums where there are homes within their price limit.
LikeLike
That is why this show in particular drove me crazy. The stupid punk kids were running around with a 190,000 budget hoping for a 1.5 mill house. I wanted to punch him all the way to NY, where he couldn’t find a rats nest for that budget.
LikeLike
Side note: that drives me crazy about shows set in NY that star young people. Unless your family money is old enough to be on its second facelift, you’re not living in that chic apartment. Even Seinfeld’s one bedroom probably cost 3 million dollars.
LikeLike
Which is why only Seinfeld could afford it. If you’ve seen that apartment in Coyote Ugly, there is no way she could afford that one. She would have needed Seinfeld as a dad to afford that one and rats didn’t even like that one.
LikeLike
On the HBO series Girls they all have these gorgeous apartments that look like HGTV or the Kardashians did the decorating.
And Sex and the and the City? Carrie wrote an article for some crappy newspaper. No. Way.
LikeLike
And how about all the cops on all the cop shows. They all live in swaggy apartments on a cops salary.
LikeLike
I love house hunting shows!! There was one episode Jamie and I were watching, a man would have temper tantrums at EVER. SINGLE. HOUSE. because the garage was not big enough. His girlfriend stood by him and witnessed these tantrums and agreed with him. I would have had 2 words for him. See yah.
LikeLike
I was having temper tantrums when I was watching these shows. Mostly at the fact that these people were living in Georgia where prices for a 4000 square foot home was under 200K and I live in a place where you can’t find a shack for under 300K.
LikeLike
The Devil Went Down To Georgia
LikeLike
And apparently lowered the prices of houses and property.
LikeLike