Realistic Expectations for Houses Bitterness

When hunting for houses, it is best to keep expectations low.

When hunting for houses, it is best to keep expectations low.

Although it is my neighbors sincere wish that I move far away from them, I am not hunting for houses.  I’ve never been much of a hunter anyways, because that would require that I do it at least one time.  Looking at houses in my spare time isn’t much fun either because I look at them almost every time I leave my own house.  They all seem to look the same.  Almost all of them are built with some sort of wood, possibly some nails and paint.  As far as I know, it takes a person to be in charge and to draw up some plans to build a house.  I, other the other hand, am not really good at planning things.  In fact, the words that you read here were thought up maybe 2 or 3 seconds ago.

My kind of planning.

My kind of planning.

What I should have planned was avoiding the TV show that I watched on Sunday.  When I am lucky enough (IE when no one else is around), I get to choose the programs we watch on TV.  In that rare occasion when I do, it will be some sort of sport, sport highlights or comedy that is actually funny like the Office or Community.  Sunday was not one of those days.  What happened to be on was a show called Property Virgins.  It’s about youngish people who live in apartments, shacks, sheds or their mother’s basements that want to upgrade to their first “real” property, IE home ownership.

All they wanted was a nice place to put their fouton.

All they wanted was a nice place to put their fouton.

The couple featured on this show were just ordinary young early 20’s couple that were getting married . He, of course, was living in his mom’s basement and they met because his mommy couldn’t pick him up after school work, so his soon to be fiance gave him a ride. Of course, they had way low expectations for their first house.  By low expectation, I mean brand new construction, french doors, crown molding, completely finished basements, Paris Hilton sized closets, huge master bedroom and 4000 square feet of rooms, doors, and windows, all for under $200,000.  They really knew how to temper their expectations.  And the fact that all they wanted was a 2-3 acre lot, fulled landscaped and manicured just showed how little they expected for their meager budget. Most people dream unrealistically about 1000 square feet, a couple of bathrooms and 3 bedrooms.  Not this humble couple.

All she wanted was a sitting room for her Barbie collection and pair of Ugg Boots.

All she wanted was a sitting room for her Barbie collection and pair of Ugg Boots.

All they wanted was a place to put their meager things.  Their one couch would fit cozily in the grand entry hall with vaulted ceilings and bay windows and their fouton was just the right match for their tiny 500 square foot bedroom that was only the size of a NY apartment.  And this young not quite married dude only needed a tiny walk in closet for his two flannel shirts, ripped jeans and flip flops.  And she definitely needed whatever was left for her walk in closet for her prom dress, wedding dress and her pair of Uggs.

He needed a place for his Matchbox collection.

He needed a place for his Matchbox collection.

 

The two car garage was absolutely essential for the one car they had, that would have to deal with the severe sub 70 degree cold spells they would experience in the cold winters of Georgia and the heavy 20 minute commute they had from downtown Atlanta.  How cruel that someone would expect them to deal with that unrelenting 20 minute (in heavy traffic) commute to downtown.  They may only go there a few times a year, but when they did, they wanted a warmed up car in the garage when they took the bus.

That doesn’t even begin to describe the horror they had to go through when they had to wait a whole 5 weeks to hear back from their realtor about the foreclosure.  The bank felt really bad about the horrific wait they had to endure, so they decided to lower the asking price from $199,000 to $188,000.  The young man had to deal with his mom making him breakfast, lunch and dinner for five whole weeks.  The terror and pain he had to suffer.

Most people would have walked away from this dud of a house when they discovered the squeaky floorboards, but this couple endured.  They may have had to pay a whopping $188,000 and get everything they wanted, but they had to endure the sqeaky floorboards that may not get fixed for several days.  This couple was clearly an example of the pioneering spirit of the youth of today.  They had to wait until they were almost 22 and married to achieve their dream home.  How can we all not look to them as an example of how to overcome adversity?  Will we someday see them have a child to fill their busy schedules?  Let’s hope not because where would there be space for this tiny child?

I’m just bitter because we are all not more like these overacheivers. I think more of us need to sit around waiting for our dreams to be fulfilled instead of getting out there working on them.  Who is with me?

Arrrrgghhhh

Bitter Dreamer Ben

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192 thoughts on “Realistic Expectations for Houses Bitterness

  1. Am Bitter indeed, Ben. That I had not come across Your blog earlier. Also, each and every post (though I have been only through two), seems to poke right into me, making me bitterer and bitterer. Like, my father was making only about 9 dollars by today’s standards, when I could have dug into him.

    There is Much I could write to You and about You(!) But let me Warn You, You are making PG Wodehouse turn tops in his grave. Must be Very uncomfortable for him, at his age and all that. Consider that!

    Let me Bitterly inform You that I have become Your Fan and Follower.

    Tweeted, Facebooked and Reblogged Your post. Love and Regards.

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on lovehappinessandpeace and commented:
    Am Really Bitter that Ben had Not written this about 50 years ago. Not that it would have worked. As my Father was making only about 9 dollars (in today’s money) a month at that time.

    A Wonderful Blog for all those who are interested in Humour.

    Like

  3. thanks for sharing your thoughts on the value of idle dreaming, ben. i agree that laziness is far more rewarding, satisfying, and fulfilling than working your balls off for nothing (i hope for your sake you don’t have the misfortune to be married; if so, i commiserate). thanks also for liking my poem. keep the faith–or lack thereof.

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  4. So much space… Those shows always have a couple that wants like 4000+ square feet of living space…I think they forget you then have to CLEAN 4000+ square feet of living space. Imagine? I can barely keep up with the 700 square feet of my apartment….

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  5. I love these shows! They make me bitter and supremtimedrunk if I take a shot every time some yokel virgin says in their entitled syrupy southern drawl, ” Ah hāf to hāve graynit cownertops and stīneliss stayle applah-ances.”

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  6. I’ve never watched that show you’re talking about. I would say that it seems like a waste of time, but hey, got you a funny entry about it.

    And Community is hilarious, by the way. XD

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    • I think you would be better off to never watch that show. I take the bullet so others don’t have to.

      I was just watching Community on DVD yesterday. I relate with Jeff the most because of how he feels like he should be in the big time instead of tolling away in the Community college.

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      • I probably WON’T ever watch the show, although your post about it did make me curious (to see if it was as ridiculous as claimed).

        I don’t know if I relate to anyone on Community. I just think it’s funny.

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  7. Pingback: In case you missed Bitterness as much as you missed the Government(ie not at all) | Ben's Bitter Blog

  8. Oh, BB, you described this show so perfectly. I confess, I’ve watched it a couple of times and get p.o.’d every time. My first home (by myself) was a 12×60 ft trailer. And I was happy with it. Now you’ve just made me bitter for having such low expectations.

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  9. I’m EXACTLY like those overachievers, actually compared to me they are underachievers. Working to achieve dreams is for the less entitled. I’ve been waiting for someone to bring me a bowl of ice cream for a while now. Am I going to get up and get one? No! Am I bitter? Do I REALLY have to answer that? Do I?

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  10. Yes, I agree. Matter of fact, I’m much better at sitting than working. Plus, it’s an age-defying activity, no stress and I can watch as much TV I want. That can’t happen if I’m working.

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  11. Sounds like you were watching “reality” TV. The only real thing about it is that they found a couple willing to follow whatever script they gave them in return for some prize with untold strings attached. (there was supposed to be a marionette joke here, but it escapes me)

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  12. Entitled much??!! Yep, that’s my bitter thought…along with the “Virgin’s” later bitch-slap to reality: The realization they didn’t KNOW in addition to their manse House Payment there’s these other (ahem) costs like taxes-tons of ’em-as well as homeowners insurance, Home Owner’s Association Fees etc. they didn’t escrow and now? They’re also in foreclosure due to hellacious back taxes and decreed social outcasts by the Home Owners Association. Oh, and the costs of other “necessities” such as the Zero Turning Radius Riding Lawn mower that costs more to fill the tank than their SUV etc.
    This old widow broad is smiling in bitter anticipation: Welcome to the Real World, Entitled “Virgins!”
    TW

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    • Not that is a rant in which I can relate to. I was almost jumping up and down and talking to myself when I was watching this display of utter ignorance of the fact that they had no need of this much space. And yet, they were still decrying the fact that the floors creaked a little and that just shouldn’t happen in a house.

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    • Hopefully I will get to meet these people on the streets when I go to Georgia and I will get to slap them all the way to LA, San Francisco or NY to teach them how expensive things are in the “real” world.

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  13. i think that Thoreau was definitely on to something when he suggested that the ideal home was a railway box. They’re free, available everywhere, and usually unoccupied.

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  14. I’m already a year behind on crown moldings and hardwood floors throughout.

    I actually enjoy that show–I love how they start walking around in the street of an affluent community they delusionally think they can afford, and then the host takes them to the slums where there are homes within their price limit.

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    • That is why this show in particular drove me crazy. The stupid punk kids were running around with a 190,000 budget hoping for a 1.5 mill house. I wanted to punch him all the way to NY, where he couldn’t find a rats nest for that budget.

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      • Side note: that drives me crazy about shows set in NY that star young people. Unless your family money is old enough to be on its second facelift, you’re not living in that chic apartment. Even Seinfeld’s one bedroom probably cost 3 million dollars.

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        • Which is why only Seinfeld could afford it. If you’ve seen that apartment in Coyote Ugly, there is no way she could afford that one. She would have needed Seinfeld as a dad to afford that one and rats didn’t even like that one.

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        • On the HBO series Girls they all have these gorgeous apartments that look like HGTV or the Kardashians did the decorating.

          And Sex and the and the City? Carrie wrote an article for some crappy newspaper. No. Way.

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  15. I love house hunting shows!! There was one episode Jamie and I were watching, a man would have temper tantrums at EVER. SINGLE. HOUSE. because the garage was not big enough. His girlfriend stood by him and witnessed these tantrums and agreed with him. I would have had 2 words for him. See yah.

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