Isn’t it everyone’s dream to have it all? The nice car, the nice house, and the nice family and even a picket fence? Not my dream either. In the arena of food, that is what the lure of an all you can eat, all different kinds of food, buffet style restaurant is all about. We are suckers and we were hungry, so we decided to drive 40 miles out of our way to a Golden Corral that promised a piece of every type of food you could ever want.
We were so smart and that we got there before 4 o’clock so we could beat the crowds. Unfortunately, everyone else in the area was smart just like us and did the same thing. Apparantly other people have the same bad ideas that we do. When we go there, not only was the parking lot full, but there was a line at the door. I don’t know if you know anything about me, but lines make me bitter. That is why I don’t do concerts, or Black Friday sales at Walmart or become one of the royal family. Lines takes too long and most of the time there is just no reason for them. Like on the freeway on our way home, the traffic slowed to a crawl, and we waited and waited for a reason why there would be any traffic at all, and when we got to where it let up, there was no accident, no police pulling people over. Just annoying people not going 60 like they should have been.
My inclination when I saw the line was to immediately turn back around and go somewhere else that didn’t have a line, like for instance McMyhouse in Lazytown, but we promised the kids that we would go there, so I’m trapped in between kid promise and long line. It is a very akward place where I can’t yell at other people’s kids or a mob of hungry people will try to eat me. Of course, everyone else in line is civilized like the family of two right in front of us, that turns quickly into family of four, then 8, then 16. It went from couple to family reunion in about 2 minutes. And who could beat the civilized family behind us who keep cutting in line to see how many people were ahead of them (sampling food each time) and causing me to move. People should know how little I like moving.
After a few pottie breaks and half an hour later, we are now given the privilege of getting inside the running of the bulls restaurant and getting the privilege of paying 15 bucks each to eat “as much food as we want”. They direct us to our trough table where we get some untensils. We are then given free reign to eat whatever mediocre food we want in a crowd of loud, obnoxious other people. Like an Indy 500 car(except slow) I weave my way in and out of traffic, hoping to score a tiny morsel of edible food. I spot a chicken wing, a piece of tiny pizza and a thin cheese stick, speedily put that on the table, then go back to help indecisive, picky kids find something besides dessert.
Miraculously after the first tiny plate of “food” I am already full, but since I paid for an all you can eat, I go and get more crap. Whether it looks good or not, I put it on my plate and eat it. After my kids first tiny plates of “food” they go directly for the dessert. Cotton Candy, ice cream, brownies, carrot cake. All of a sudden, little people that couldn’t barely eat one pea, are able to expand their stomachs enough to pile in a year’s worth of deserts. I don’t care though because I paid a ton for them to eat.
Since my kids have blue mouths from the three cotton candies they eat, and we feel as bloated as that kid in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, we decide to give up our table to the next victim that has been waiting for 40 minutes. Suckers!
Afterwards my daughter asks me why I didn’t like Golden Corral. No reason…
Arrrrgghhhhh, I’m so full…
Bitter Bloated Ben
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- Birch Bay Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
i hope you know i was saying i was bitter that you can type so fast; not to stop typing.i hope you are eating dinner & at golden corral .
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Nope just left work. I do that from time to time.
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oh good…don’t want to hurt your bitter feelings….also, why would you go somewhere that was 80 below?
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My parents went there, so I had to follow. Being a bitter 3rd grader has it’s disadvantages.
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it didn’t send. bitter i have to write this again..
i guess you would have to go then,to the bitter cold place.
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They wanted us to be humble but all the weather did there was make me more bitter.
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i can certainly understand that.
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The Bitter Cold we called it.
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i bet you DID! i might add a few other words to bitter cold.
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Absolutely loathe that place….except for the cotton candy lol
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I could go to a terrible county fair to get cotton candy. Next time I want some cotton candy I will just drink some sugar.
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someday when i have nothing new, you will have to read something in the 1st 10 months, where i wrote about golden corral almost every day.i had two choices fridays or GC in orlando…even after i went back & categorized uncategorized, i don’t think i listed golden corral.lol…but 1st post -where did you meet the avatar pyramid schemers at GC…when a bus comes & you eat there everyday, the manager opens a secret door & lets you go through, but it only works,if you take out, that day…..and you didn’t drive 40 miles for take out.
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Yeah Golden Corral isn’t a good time. I would have gone with Fridays every time.
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they were both good to me, but birthday week, friday’s cheesecake cpn on tues.wed mgr jena gave me lunch & desert.thurs gen mgr. gave me lunch..fri. he did again…sat. had 15.00 free lunch for every 100 pts…that was april… 4 mo. before mgr dave said i was going to own the restaurant.lol
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Did your dad own the place?
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no.this was in universal orlando last year
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Could I go to Harry Potter’s Tower?
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i’m thinking if they finished building it. will you wear one of those robes? a lot of people did.i mean in golden corral & the hotels…out in public.
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If it gives me the magic to use it, yes. Especially if it allows me to use bitter magic.
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bitter magic.lol. you go around making people bitter?
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In a magical way.
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lol. you need magic to make people bitter?
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Nope, that is my magic.
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i know.lol……just joking
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Magic needs me to be bitter.
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true. bittermagic- that would be a good title for a song.
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And possibly a post.
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yes..”strange (bitter) magic oh what a something…got a (harry potter) strange magic
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too long 1 comment…con’t.. 1st time dec..3 weeks later 2nd time & rajiid said let me get you your regular table….huh.okay.. it was the same table..then after lunch…this lady who is dominique mgr , but i thought a fairy godmother came & said happy new year , your meal is on us..
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That is one long comment.
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i know, but i was there for 10 months.i went for the winter
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That is a lot of months.
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yes a lot of months that didn’t include winter. you know they don’t have winter there.they do have crime every second,though.
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They also have crime in other places too.
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not like orlando…you should read terry guerrier. or you are never more than 500 feet from crime in orlando…. i was about to leave the hospital, when someone threw his dead baby next to my room…locked the hospital…if i had been where he was shot/ right next to my hotel & bullets in hotel …
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Why Orlando? Is everyone as bitter about Mickey as I am?
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they must be. there was crime at disney & a disney hotel pool & universal 3 times…even people who worked there & the movies at universal…& across street at doubletree carjacking & they ran into a house……
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I wrote 6 pieces on Disney & Universal back in December. It is crazy how much I don’t like those places.
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six.you really don’t!
standing in line could make anyone bitter.
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I did. Check back in December. No one read them and I was really bitter.
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i’ll read them.i thought i had.
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You may have. Probably the only one.
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no i wasn’t. like 600 people reading.
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I only got a few views from them way back then.
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not the standing in line at bitter parks.
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So you are lucky to be alive? Maybe you should move to South Dakota. Almost no crime there.
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i like that , but it sounds cold? i need 70’s.
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You’ll get 70’s in the summer. Maybe. In the winter you will get 70…below zero. But at least there would be almost zero crime.
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beloW ZERO? omg just shoot me.. never stop coughing…that would be a crime.
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I was at 80 below once. I never want that again.
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it would be once for me too..i don’t want it ever.
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i’ve never eaten there because it scares me. now you have confirmed it. thanks for being the bitter guinea pig.
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A bitter you’re welcome to you.
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Those places give me the creeps. I feel like I need a tetanus shot after eating at one! Have you ever been to a Vegas buffet? It’s like Golden Corral on steroids!
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Especially since you are such a foodie. I was in Vegas last October and did the Circus Circus one and just kept getting bloated. Ugghhh!
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Circus Circus, really? I hate clowns!
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I hate clowns too but that is where we were staying, so it was just easier.
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OK. Sometimes my fool self decides that Golden Corral is a brilliant idea!! And what makes it a brilliant idea in my head? They have kick ass rolls and amazing honey butter!! Yepp thats what makes me want to go. I will even grab “extra dollars” (like if you were going to a strip club) that way if the line is too long, I can beg the claw machine in the entrance to take my money and give me nothing in return. And EVERY single time..I tell myself I will eat healthy…I get a salad..TADA..I’m full. But hell no, I just paid a lot of money for all you can eat..I refuse to stop there…so lets get some fried chicken and mac n cheese and pizza and oh look shrimp! And what is that?? I HAVE NO IDEA but ima eat it! Ok now we are at exploding status! But i have to get dessert…especially with the chocolate fondue (which lets face it is nothing but cheap ass chocolate flowing out of a whatever it is!) and cottoncandy! THey have cotton candy…I’ll take 6 of those please. Now i’m begging to die!
Why do I do this?
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That chocolate fondue was a joke. I could have made better chocolate by getting some cocoa powder and doing it myself.
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I completely agree!
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I also agree with myself.
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‘All you can eat’ it’s kind of a challenge isn’t it?
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If the food isn’t good, you barely want to eat enough to survive. Most of the food there, I wouldn’t eat if I was on Survivor.
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You were correct when you said you went back for more “crap”. Crap it is.
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Someday I will learn, but not that day.
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My boyfriend wants to try this place. Isn’t a corral what you keep a horse caged up in? That’s but one of my many objections.
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Hopefully you don’t end up on the wrong side of the horse like I did.
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Wow (holding up cross to fend off the vampire that is Golden Corral). I hope Grump Cat liked his fish at least.
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The grumpy cat just growled at me because I was so much more bitter than him.
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Ha ha – I bet he didn’t like that one bit. 😉
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He was almost as bitter as me.
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my first question has to be, why do you eat at golden corral? Doesn’t the name say enough about the place? 🙂
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My first answer is that I was tricked into it by my kids. By the time we got to the parking lot, it was too late to go back on my promise.
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I remember my grandparents telling me that they wanted to take me out to a special birthday lunch when I was about 15 or 16. Turns out by “special” they meant golden corral. Talk about bitter.
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I’m probably going to be a bitter old grandpa that does something like that just to annoy my grandkids.
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Hi!
I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!
http://emzee1983.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/an-award-little-ole-me/
Have a loverly day,
Em x
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I’m going to go start twerking right now I’m so excited.
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Ugh. That place makes me bitter, too. Except the rolls. “Crack rolls” we call them, because they are undoubtedly better than crack. They do not make up for the fact that you have to fight people for the last cut of mediocre (at best) steak, a wilted salad, and withering mac n’ cheese. No thanks.
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Not that you would know what crack tastes like right? I didn’t get to try the roles because I was too busy trying to use my mind to get kids to stop whining.
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No, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s at least as addictive as those rolls—just without all the carbs and with more nasty side effects.
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Holy cow I just realized how I misspelled rolls. I’m so bitter how bad of a speller I am. I guess next time I go there (never), I will make sure to pay the $15 so I can all you can eat rolls.
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Another great mediocre (but fairly priced) all you can eat place is Cicis Pizza. Do you have them out your way? They’re like a step up from Ellios pizza, but not quite up there with Dominos & Papa Johns. I don’t know why… but I love it. And now I’m starving….
BTW – how is it that for kids, the green stuff is so filling but the brightly colored crap makes them insatiable? a mystery every parent has faced i imagine….
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We were actually commenting on Cici’s when we were there. We went to Cici’s twice when in Orlando and loved it because it was mostly pizza and pasta and it wasn’t crowded at all. We were taken care of by a nice staff and I could rest my weary Disney feet for about an hour. Sooo much better than the Corral.
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Agreed. We go there quite frequently.. and have a contest to see who can eat the most slices of pizza 🙂 It’s pretty disgusting. LOL
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I’m okay with disgusting as long as there aren’t so many people and Cici’s did that for us.
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I know not what the Golden Corral is, but I LOVE the name! It just embodies the humanity forced into lines, waiting their turn to eat fried golden food… and then on to the slaughterhouse? Truly sounds like the American Dream!
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It is a place where we get to pay to be around other people eating and fighting them for it.
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Perhaps it should be renamed the Golden Trough.
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We used to have a place like that here called Uncle Willies. Yup, as in… Uncle GIVE you the Willies. Their motto? Walk in… roll out.
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If I wasn’t so lazy I would have ran away from that place. Your place gives me the Willies.
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HAHAHA. Love this post. Oh my gosh, my kids LOVE Golden Corral and I….am not a fan. There are always loads of people there, the food, as you say, is mediocre and it’s not cheap! They are always asking me why we can’t go back (and unfortunately there is one right by our house). Ah but the lure of all you can eat is a true magnet for us Americans.
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I’m glad I’m not the only one not a fan of medicre food.
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I love Golden Corral, but not the price. Each of my meals fits into one of those 1 1/5th cup plastic storage containers with a screw top. If I eat more than that in one sitting, I’m screwed. 🙂
Once I had a friend who weighed about 550 pounds. We would walk into the all-you-can-eat places. I would have my 1 cup meal and he would eat more than my share of a normal portion, too. The look on the managers face was worth it.
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I like to eat, but for some reason you go to one of these places and all of a sudden one piece of pizza fills you up.
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Well, at least your kids got their diabetes for the day. Does the Corral there not carry the stigma that it does down here–a veritable white trash palace like say, Bonanza or Sizzler–complete with rusted Trans-Ams in the parking lot, mullets, and tank tops?
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It does and I try to avoid it like the plague but my daughter accidently got taken there by some friends and she isn’t old enough to know how terrible it is yet.
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Your comment that Bonanza and Sizzler are ‘white trash’ restaurants, has made me bitter. Maybe you have never come across a decent one, which is sad, because in Northern CA we had the best Sizzler – ever. Sorry you missed out 😦
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If I get to CA, I’ll give it another chance, I promise.
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Cool 😉
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Golden Corral and places like that are the devil I don’t understand why they’re always so crowded, but people love that shit!
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I think because some people think it is a good deal…not me.
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