Isn’t it everyone’s dream to have it all? The nice car, the nice house, and the nice family and even a picket fence? Not my dream either. In the arena of food, that is what the lure of an all you can eat, all different kinds of food, buffet style restaurant is all about. We are suckers and we were hungry, so we decided to drive 40 miles out of our way to a Golden Corral that promised a piece of every type of food you could ever want.
We were so smart and that we got there before 4 o’clock so we could beat the crowds. Unfortunately, everyone else in the area was smart just like us and did the same thing. Apparantly other people have the same bad ideas that we do. When we go there, not only was the parking lot full, but there was a line at the door. I don’t know if you know anything about me, but lines make me bitter. That is why I don’t do concerts, or Black Friday sales at Walmart or become one of the royal family. Lines takes too long and most of the time there is just no reason for them. Like on the freeway on our way home, the traffic slowed to a crawl, and we waited and waited for a reason why there would be any traffic at all, and when we got to where it let up, there was no accident, no police pulling people over. Just annoying people not going 60 like they should have been.
My inclination when I saw the line was to immediately turn back around and go somewhere else that didn’t have a line, like for instance McMyhouse in Lazytown, but we promised the kids that we would go there, so I’m trapped in between kid promise and long line. It is a very akward place where I can’t yell at other people’s kids or a mob of hungry people will try to eat me. Of course, everyone else in line is civilized like the family of two right in front of us, that turns quickly into family of four, then 8, then 16. It went from couple to family reunion in about 2 minutes. And who could beat the civilized family behind us who keep cutting in line to see how many people were ahead of them (sampling food each time) and causing me to move. People should know how little I like moving.
After a few pottie breaks and half an hour later, we are now given the privilege of getting inside the running of the bulls restaurant and getting the privilege of paying 15 bucks each to eat “as much food as we want”. They direct us to our
trough table where we get some untensils. We are then given free reign to eat whatever mediocre food we want in a crowd of loud, obnoxious other people. Like an Indy 500 car(except slow) I weave my way in and out of traffic, hoping to score a tiny morsel of edible food. I spot a chicken wing, a piece of tiny pizza and a thin cheese stick, speedily put that on the table, then go back to help indecisive, picky kids find something besides dessert.
Miraculously after the first tiny plate of “food” I am already full, but since I paid for an all you can eat, I go and get more crap. Whether it looks good or not, I put it on my plate and eat it. After my kids first tiny plates of “food” they go directly for the dessert. Cotton Candy, ice cream, brownies, carrot cake. All of a sudden, little people that couldn’t barely eat one pea, are able to expand their stomachs enough to pile in a year’s worth of deserts. I don’t care though because I paid a ton for them to eat.
Since my kids have blue mouths from the three cotton candies they eat, and we feel as bloated as that kid in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, we decide to give up our table to the next victim that has been waiting for 40 minutes. Suckers!
Afterwards my daughter asks me why I didn’t like Golden Corral. No reason…
Arrrrgghhhhh, I’m so full…
Bitter Bloated Ben
- Birch Bay Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)