I’m Adam Sandler and I use the remote to do things like more work.
As a fan of Adam Sandler’s bitterly winning performances in such classics as Grown Ups, Gilmore Girls and Billy Madison, I’m clearly a fan of quality comedy. However a film he did several years ago, Click, was one that I had a hard time with. At first glance, it appeared like Click was right on formula with the greatest comedies of our time. It was a goofy way to for Adam Sandler to use a remote control’s functions to slow down hot chicks running, a way to speed through annoyingly important conversations with his annoyingly understanding, positive and patient wife(played by bitter beauty Kate Beckinsale) , and a way punch David Hasselhoff. Totally on board.
Then you dig deeper, and Click is an allegory for our time, a gutsy, realistic look at a man and his relationship with his remote control. It answers questions like, “Why am I here…on this channel again? Can a man truly change…the channel during the commercials? How do we truly connect…the HDMI cable? Where do I want to be at this point in my life? The couch or the recliner? How do I decide between them? ESPN or Fox Sports? How do I deal with the loss of a loved…remote control?
Deep philisophical question. Couch or recliner?
I’m on board with all that too. But then my biggest question popped up. Why would Adam Sandler use this ultimate remote control power for ambitious things like family and getting promoted? All promotions are good for is more money and more work. Doesn’t the word remote mean away from others? Doesn’t control mean I get to choose instead of other people? Sounds to me like that means he should have choosen to tell others to go away, which is what I would do. Sitting on the couch and not having to get up.
So I asked what would have made the movie work for me. What I would have done? Quite simple. Fast forward through work, and commercials, and bitter blog posts, rewind and record any classic “Embarrasing Viral Youtube Moments” of people that annoy me, and use the menu button to pull up what I wanted from Pizza Hut.
What my remote control menu would pull up.
I’m bitter because the movie started so great, but failed in its ambition to be a true Adam Sandler classic. It fell into the responsible hands of this shadow of Adam Sandler. He choose to use his power it for frivolous things like family and work and learning lessons about life. I’ll use it for important stuff like ordering food and getting funny Youtube videos.
Arrrghhh
Bitter Remotely Writing this from the couch Ben
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Adam Sandler was in Gilmore Girls?
No way. Don’t believe you.
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You are correct! And the first one to notice! I was trying to be funny because he was actually in Happy Gilmore. You get a bitter star for noticing. Pick it up at the B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness.
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Clearly just not enough Gilmore Girls fans are reading your blog. You should get on that.
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I wouldn’t say that. I would say that no one really pays attention when they read my blog. They just like looking at the shiny pictures.
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Remote controller for Pizza – Great Idea! This item has a lot of potential. With a little developement it could work for the bank accout, the wether or noisy fellow men.
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I will be working on it. It will be on your store shelves in no time.
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Gilmore Girls? Happy Gilmore?
I agree with Click and the stupid not really using the remote for the right thing. I super disliked this movie, saw it in the theater and wanted my life back… WHERE THE FUCK IS MY REMOTE I NEED TO ERASE THIS MOVIE FROM MY MEMORY… apparently I did because all I remember about it was that it sucked. I also remember Christopher Walken whom I don’t dislike but unless he is talking about “I have a feva and the only prescription, is more cowbell…” I kind of find him creepy and obnoxious. Boo to this movie, if you get the remote you should def go into isolation.
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I kinda liked it but I am a little more tolerant because I love Adam Sandler. Also, It was supposed to be Happy Gilmore, but I thought it would be funny to put Gilmore Girls. Glad you caught it.
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It makes sense to love A.S. he is really funny. I figured you were playing on words :p.
To answer your question yes it was a real occurrence. I found a blurb about my ex’s wedding, like a romantic story about how he and his wife met. They talked about it in such a happy loving way, but I was with my ex at the time. Like I don’t know how to explain it other than I am one of the things that makes them happy, because they hurt someone to get what they really wanted which was one another. If that makes any sense at all.
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Wow that really hurts when things happen under your nose like that. I was dating a girl once that I thought we had a good thing going. We decided to go on a trip to San Antonio because I love the Spurs (basketball) and had never been there. Anyways, while we were getting ready, she asked me to load a few things in her car and there was a note in the side area of her car and for some reason I read it. It was from her friend and it was asking her what about how she was going to decided between me and this other guy. She got engaged to him not long after and I felt so betrayed and bitter.
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Holy crap… it’s like a lifetime movie! What a bitch! Did you slap her with a glove? I think that is the only way a man can slap a woman… then you have to say some shit about a duel.
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Nah, I used my power of passive aggressiveness and pretended to be okay with it, then threw negative vibes toward their marriage not working out. And bitterness.
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😦 did it work? I am sorry that happened, but you are better off! You wouldn’t have your wife and kids now if you were with that crazy bitch.
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I don’t think I would have wanted to marry her anyways. Her dad was a dork and she was kind of boring. I got a free trip to SA for it, so worked for me.
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HAHHAHA awesome!
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Greg–love of my life…is that you? Are you doing a blog now, too? They don’t call it a Harmony remote for nothing, because when it’s in your hands all of life is in harmony instead of being full of bitterness…until one of the boys loses it under the sofa or in the cushions of your recliner…then the true harmony of bitterness returns to our home. BTW, how did you guest post on Ben’s bitter blog?
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Greg sounds like a bitterly great guy. That is the only type of people I allow to guest post. Me and Greg are BFF. Bitter Friends Forever.
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I will let him know! If he weren’t so bitter and so “remote” he might make an effort at the friendship…maybe those are the best kind.
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I also keep all my friends at a distance too. I don’t want to go making any.
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This might make you more bitter, but if we’re on the topic of awful Sandler movies, I have one word for you: Spanglish.
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I am a sucker for Sandler even though some of his are terrible. Kind of like any Jim Carrey movies. I miss his early career stuff, Ace, Dumb and Dumber etc. I know most people hate them, but I am a pretty loyal fan.
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Dumb and Dumber is one of the best movies ever… Getting older made both Sandler and Carrey a little less funny – it scares me for the future!
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I know I miss them in their primes. I agree with you on Dumb and Dumber. What would you say my chances are…1 in a thousand. No, more like in million. So you’re saying there is a chance. YEAH! Remember that part?
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Hahaha, that’s a great part! I think I need to watch it tonight, it’s been too long!
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I hope the sequel they are planning is just as good.
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I heard about that! With both original characters, I’m thinking jt will be a whole lotta awesome.
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It will be a thrill and a half, I guarantee that.
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Whoa! Immediate bitterness at the outset with Adam Sandler’s photo! Did laugh though. SO HARD at the series of events leading to the Pizza Hut menu. Loved that. Mostly hate Adam though
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I thought that would cause some bitterness with people. that is why I decided to do put him right up front so people could get their bitter over with.
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So philosophical today Ben! I think you are losing some of your bitterness dude. I’m worried about you. Anyways, not an Adam fan at all. It’s not like he’s up there withTom Hiddleston or anything, lol. Have you seen those HUGE remotes sold at CVS or Rite Aid? Hilarious! Bet you can’t lose those, haha!
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You need to stop accusing me of not being bitter. I need to send you to Canada to learn to respect my bitterness. This is my version of Movie Review bitterness for you. Thought you would be bitter that I even tried to steal your blog idea.
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Haha, no..not bitter at all. I like your Bitter Movie Review
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To Canada or Brazil with you… Not a punishment? Arrrghhh!
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I have to say that I can agree with your bitter take on this one
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I agree with you agreeing with me.
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Thanks for visiting. Out of curiosity how did you find my blog?
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On the WordPress reader.
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We could fast forward pizza delivery times too
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No more 30 minute or less. 30 seconds or less and it is free. I would fast forward going to the gym and working it off too and I would come back looking all skinny.
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We could rewind eating the pizza entirely!
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As long as the taste lingers.
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You lost me at “as a fan of Adam Sandler’s”… 😉
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I lost most people at that point. But I’m shocked. I don’t understand why he hasn’t won an Oscar yet! In fact, maybe my next bitter post will be about how bitter that makes me. It is an outrage!
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Hmm. Perhaps you could work on making one of these remotes as one of your bitterly evil projects. Then give me one so I can fast forward through work. 😛
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I was just baffled that Adam Sandler wanted to work. Is he crazy? You could rewind your favorite parts of Man of Steel too!
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I know. What kind of crazy man is he? Oh yes, I think I would rewind that multiple times!
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I would rewind back to the week that I was on vacation and go to it again, but got some popcorn this time.
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Thanks for this… it reminded me of when my dentist decided to put a tv in the ceiling. i thought it was such a good idea to have a remote then, for the reasons you mentioned ie. becoming distant from the present situation and having some illusion of control, even when a clearly sadistic driller is bearing down on your second molar.
i can still remember the look on the dental hygienist’s face when she looked up and said, ‘Why are you watching Mr. Rogers??’
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Right. Why would you watch Mr. Rogers? He is kind of a happy go lucky type of guy that despises bitterness. Good I’m glad he despises it.
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I’m with you on this one BB. I haven’t seen the movie, but I am going to pick it up just to see how your bitterness for it started.
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It would lowly recommend that you watch this cinematic bitterpiece.
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I just ordered it at my local library and I am surprised it will be available for me to pick up soon, meaning no one else has it out on order. I can’t wait for my low expectations to be confirmed. Thanks for the bitter recommendation. I will use my remote control to speed up the most bitter parts of the movie and I will report back to you how disappointed I was in the movie. Does he at least sing a funny song?
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He talks very slow once and it almost seems like singing. I hope you have neutral feelings on the averageness of this movie.
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I would have used it when I was 25 to fast forward through my life, then edited what happened from the age of 33 to 50. Yes, thought would have included ordering more varieties of food, but I think I’ll pass on the YouTube videos.
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I would have edited any happiness in order to be more bitter. So those few moments I had when I didn’t know any better when I was young.
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I loved that movie.
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It had “control” over you?
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I’m not an Adam Sandler fan, so I’ve avoided this movie like the plague, but I think you’ve brought up some important points about the remote control… I’ve also now learned that I’m at my happiest when I’m remote…with the remote control.
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You are missing out on an important film in the comedy genre. It is an all time mediocre film.
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I stopped reading at the word allegory because intelligent people words make me bitter.
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Most people stopped at “As a fan of Adam Sandler…”
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Ha, I just laughed out loud! Thanks for that.
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That is a rare feat, along with actually spelling the words laughing out loud, so my bitterness bows down.
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Really Don??? Did you read ANYONE’S entire post yesterday??
Jackass.
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Thanks for responding to other’s on my blog. My blog is bitter about that.
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I was fussing at him for not reading your whole blog. You should be happy that I stood up for you.
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He read it. He just didn’t want to admit to it enchanting bitterness. Thanks for standing up for me though.
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