Bitter Loyalty

This book from first grade reflected my early feelings about loyalty.

Even back then I was a bitter writer. This is a piece on my First Grade Best Friend. 

For most of my life until recently(yesterday) I have been a loyal guy (some people call my one sided loyalty stalking, but when has “some people” ever been right?).  I have decided that I am not going to loyal anymore.  I thought for a long time if you are loyal with someone, something or somewhere you would be rewarded.  For instance, take me and my first grade BFF.  We would do everything together, including spending time in our own houses with our own parents.  We both took naps at our seperate houses, spent hours slaving away on stupid math problems, and talking about how much we hated our jobs and former boss (Stupid Kindergarten teacher!)  Then, as soon as summer came we went our seperate ways.  Our family went on a family vacation, his didn’t, then next year he was in a different class and he made different friends and we never spoke again until we saw each other next.  It has been 30 some years now and what’s-his-name  never writes letters or calls me on Facebook.  All the loyalty, all those days we spent together and nothing.   See what I mean?  No?  How about more examples?

You think you had it bad back in your day.  I had to stand up while playing video games.

You think you had it bad back in your day. I had to stand up while playing video games.

Pizza Hut.  I started “following” them when I was a kid and they had this thing called an arcade.  That was what they called video games that you would have to leave the house for.  Instead of paying for an $500 Xbox, a$60 game, for intense graphics and online play with weirdos you would never want to meet in real life, you had to pay a quarter, for crappy graphics, a 20 second experience and you played around weirdos you would never want to play with online.  Anyways, I liked their pizza for the blissful taste of grease, crust, cheese and pepperoni, in exchange for feeling like crap for the next hour.  That part was totally worth it.  Because of this I continued to eat Pizza Hut for the next 30 years, including the last 13 having it delivered to my work every Friday.  The drivers all know me, the staff get worried when I miss a week and I get such “loyalty” rewards as an email that gives me the same deals as everyone else who hasn’t eaten there in 30 years and high colesterol.  It has been totally worth all the loyalty I have given them over the years.

Even Superman was envious of my Nike's that first day.

Even Superman was envious of my Nike’s that first day. (Picture from Nerdreactor.com)

Another example you say? How about Nike?  Since I was very young and I was able to do athletic things, I have sided with Nike.  When I started running track in 7th grade, I was tired of running in the very stylish, but uncomfortable boat shoes my parents got me, so I insisted that the get me a new pair of the “Nike Airs”, the revelutionary $75 shoes that cut out the side of the sole of the shoes to reveal the bubble of air that you were so comfortably running on.  I was the envy of all the track students for the rest of the day, until someone else got the upgraded pair the next day.  But that one day of fame among the 7th grade track team was enough to make me wear Nike’s until this day, where I have still not gotten so much as a comment since about how cool I am for wearing Nikes.  Even after all these years Nike has still not created the Air Bitter Ben’s and I am baffled as to why.

It’s not because of my lack of talent. I was so good at basketball in junior high, averaging 3.4 points a game, and 5 rebounds, against vastly average talent, that I decided to declared myself eligible for the NBA draft in 8th grade. Because my talent was so raw, the experts were projecting me as a late 140th round pick(out of two rounds), so I decided to stay in school one more year.   I have followed the NBA loyally for years and I am still waiting for the call.  Talk about rewards.  If they don’t call me this year, I might just retire and get a real job.  But they will not have this guys natural ability to sit on a seat at the end of the bench, collecting $300K a year for not looking interested at all in the game at hand.

Hey Van Gundy, call me.  I got the skillz to fill up that seat.

Hey Van Gundy, call me. I got the skillz to fill up that super comfortable seat.

Another similar example is being loyal to a sports team.  Buy all their gear, pay all that money to watch their games and your reward? Do they win 100% of the games for your loyalty? Never.  Not one team has ever won 100% of their games, and won every championship.  They will all fail you and make you miserable.  That is your reward for being loyal.

I could go on bitterly, but most of you have stopped reading by now, because you aren’t loyal to this blog. And why would you? There is no reward for reading it.  No money given, no thought provoking, no free pizza for being a loyal Bittertarian. Just jumbled words that make no sense.  So thanks for loyally following this blog.  Suckers!

Arrrghhhh

Bitter Ben Loyal for years without reward

Speaking of loyalty, I have foolishly purchased bensbitterblog.com, so soon I will move my stuff over there and you will get to loyally follow me over there. You will get more of the same garbage to read there, but without having to type wordpress in the middle.  So no reward but less letters to type.

 

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54 thoughts on “Bitter Loyalty

  1. I guess now is the time to admit that I waited patiently for more than a year after seeing the Beatles on the EdSullivan Show for the four young men to invite me to tour with them. I was prepared to chuck the third grade and go with them. That was 48 years ago, and still not a word. My bitterness knows no bounds, So I feel your pain.

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    • Beatle Bitterness abounds! I can’t believe they stood you up! I think I would go have a talk with Ed Sullivan and John Lennon and be like, “What’s up with you guys not letting me tour with you?” Maybe if you are nice enough you could tour with them.

      Like

  2. Dear Ben Bitters Blog,
    We read you blog with great sadness. We do appreciate your loyalty and to show we are loyal to you, we are letting you know now that when you come to our games next season, the new price of a beer will be $16.50. That’s right. You can begin saving now rather than coming up short at the stadium. Does this sound like someone who takes someone for granted? We didn’t think so. Hope we are back on track.

    Love you with all our hearts,
    Your sports team

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    • It’s funny that you write me sports team San Antonio Spurs. I am very bitter with you right now and by right now I mean forever. You took me on a rollercoast only to be derailed and sent plummeting to my death right as I was going go screaming to the top.

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  3. I applaud your dedication to pizza day. And damn right people should get scared when Friday comes and no pizza appears! That would be like a Monday without my coffee. No pizza (or coffee)… it’s on. Everything will hit the fan and splatter over everyone and they will only have themselves to blame.

    Also, I would be bitter and craving pizza had I not got a pizza for dinner. And I ate the whole thing.

    I regret nothing. Except the fact you don’t pay me to read this blog, I mean really… 😉

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  4. I used to be happy most of the time, but this post made me bitter. I am a loyal fan of the 99 Cents store and I haven’t even been offered a free gift for all of my big spending. I don’t even complain about the fact that nothing is 99 Cents anymore, but the store sign still says 99 Cents. I have looked the other way and not complained about their false advertising. I am really bitter thinking about their betrayal. They could at least give me a free gift for 99 Cents. Oh, I guess they can’ t do that, it would cost them $1.49!

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  5. Glad you can afford a new blogsite. There are a few others who’ve done that. I go to their new site and it wants my name, email and…and PHONE NUMBER???? That’s where I draw the line. I will be very bitter about having to cut ties with your bitter blog if I’m asked to give more information than you can find on WordPress.

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  6. Ah, yes, playing Pac-Man and Galaga at the Pizza Hut. I was so loyal I even worked there my frosh year in college, wearing a visor and saying, “Four bucks, four bucks, four bucks” to frat boys. Then there was the time the buffet pizzas were pouring out of the oven too quickly, and I reached for one as it fell, and the pan seared the flesh off my hand in days before I’d heard of workers’ comp. Wow, I’m still bitter!

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  7. I hate that I’m constantly tricked into thinking I might get money for reading this blog.

    Pizza Hut is awful, what a terrible loyalty to have. You must have Stockholm syndrome brought on by affordable pizza.

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    • Well that means one will come over. By the way, I need to talk to you about that twitter feud. Did you see that lady going off on me because I supposedly minimized Bloomsday because I gave you a hard time about Father’s Day? What up with that!

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  8. We’ll take you over in NY if you want to be a Knickerbocker. Any help would be appreciated. Then you can hang with ‘Melo your new BFF, get an endorsement from Pizza Hut, and have the NBA buy you your Nikes.

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