Bitter Benniversary

Oh wow, he's been blogging for a whole year now.  Let's throw him a raging party.  Here is the decoration.

Oh wow, he’s been blogging for a whole year now? Well let me start planning the party right now. Here is the decoration.

It’s time to celebrate my doing bensbitterblog for 1 year now.  Oooh let the celebrations begin.  Let’s applaud me for doing something for a whole year.  Especially something really hard like writing about things that irritate me and make me bitter.  I should be so proud of my accomplishment.  Let’s be honest.  There are at least a thousand things that I have done for at least a year, so congratulations, not at all to me.  Let’s just take a look at one or 10 of the thousands of things that I have done for more than a year, most of which have not recieved an anniversary celebration.

I have had 2 kids that have survived 5 years and 8 years with me and Mrs. Bitter Blog has been with me for almost 13.  They are the ones that should get a celebration every year to commemerate how long they have been with me.  Maybe some year I will do that.

So the songs are a free download? I've been paying it all these years! As Napolean Dynamite would say, "Uhhh, Idiot!"

So the songs are a free download? I’ve been paying for songs all these years! As Napolean Dynamite would say, “Uhhh, Idiot!”

I have been on Itunes for 11 years.  I have downloaded overpriced, crappy, garbage albums just so I can get one good song.  Thanks for helping me perpetuate that tradition all the way from 8 tracks to cassette tapes, to CD’s and now digitally, Itunes.  Maybe I should steal music like everyone else.

I have played Gears of War since September 2011 until now.  That is like a year and a half anniversary for a game that I paid $60 for.  That should be rewarded with an anniversary.

I had a friend for over a year once.  It was a long time ago, though and I can hardly remember what his name was or why I was friends with him(probably because we ate paste together), but kindergarten was a good year.  It’s been all downhill since then.

Saving the environment not at all since 2009.

Saving the environment not at all since 2009.

It’s been 4 years since our company discontinued using the Red Solo cups, but not before I took a sleeve of them.  It has been 4 years of using cool plastic cups instead of the yucky paper coffee cup stuff they provide now.

Perfecting the way of avoiding talking or listening to people since 1985.

Perfecting the way of avoiding talking or listening to people since 1985.

I have a pair of Bose over the ear headphones that have been with me for 3 years.  Well, until recently. Unfortunately, they were sent to the Hip Hop City in the sky when I got my Beats by Dre headphones for Christmas.   The viewing was sad, but the wake was lovely (we were there, but not really “there” as we had our nice new headphones on).

They should name this one Ben's Bitter Burger because it wasn't big enough.

They should name this one Ben’s Bitter Burger because it wasn’t big enough.

I have had a hamburger twice over a years time at a burger place near the Great Wolf Lodge.  It was delicious, but not near big enough. I mean a burger should take at least two days to eat.

I have had my smart phone and haven’t broken my contract with them for over a year(I might just make it two years and complete the contract just to spite them).  As a non lover of phones in general and being available by phone 24 hours a day specifically,  I have probably managed to use possibly 20 minutes in the year and three months of time.  Luckily smart phones have other functions like text ignoring and internet browsing on your couch when you can’t possibly get up and grab your laptop 20 feet away.  Happy 1 year and three month anniversary smart phone!

You say this phone is the latest in almost outdated technology and you want me to sign a 15 year contract?  Where do I sign?

You say this phone is the latest in almost outdated technology and you want me to sign a 15 year contract? Where do I sign?

I have been in a Writer’s group for over 3 years.  In that time they have told me that my story didn’t make sense, it wasn’t funny, the grammar was terrible, the dialoge shotty, the descriptions nonexistant, the logic unbearable, sentence structure completely wrong and a 175 other things that I can’t remember because my memory for good writing has been numbed by their overbearing criticism.  But I am there every two weeks.  Because how would I perfect my craft (of bitterness) without them?

Okay that was only 9 things(right? I don’t want to go back and count).  But whatever, let’s go ahead and not celebrate a year of blogging about bitterness, because something this easy should not be celebrated.  I mean, do I celebrate my many years of couch sitting or TV watching or internet surfing?  Yes, yes I do.

Bitter celebration all around.  At least Tommy Lee Jones (my new mascot) and grump cat are so excited.  Can you see it on their giddy faces? Party time.

The official mascots of the Bitter Blog could not be more excited.

The official mascots of the Bitter Blog could not be more excited.

Arrrrrgggghhhhhgiversay

Bitter Benniversary

All images except the one of me are from Google.

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96 thoughts on “Bitter Benniversary

  1. There. There. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you say. And can’t you just download the one track you like instead of a whole rubishy album? And well done you for sticking with the bunch of critical nincompoops in your writer’s group. I mean really who cares about gramer setence structure and speling thes daiz?

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  2. You mentioned a writing course. I took one in California in order to obtain FEEDBACK. They told me I used too many commas,,,,,,,, oh really? How freakin’ illuminating. If they loved my writing or hated it , I will never know. Their PARANOIA about commas bordered on the psychotic. I fooled them, I walked away and never came back. Comma indeed! By the way Happy Anniversay. (You didn’t hear it from me, but I think we all need MORE commas, and Anniversaries.)

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    • I definitely have a liberal use of commas in my story. Are you writing a book? Still in the process? Our group actually wasn’t that bad. I was way exaggerating. They spread it out a little. We all went to a writer’s conference in Seattle where we got to pitch our book ideas and that was fun. It is taking me forever, but I will get something published. Even if it is just a book about bitterness.

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  3. you are always worth reading with attention. Personally, I am glad you are bitter–making me a bittersweet gal, I suppose. Happy Bitt’versary, Buh-Buh-Buh-Bennie and Regrets!! 🙂

    (I sounded that out, you know, to get the right number of buzz)

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  4. Congrats on the year! I’ve nominated your blog for an award. Hope that’s okay. You can check it out on the mygaymom.com homepage if you want to participate. Please be bitter either way.

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  5. Congrats, Bitters. Surviving one full year of any anything, especially cell phone contracts, is worth noting. I can’t say I’m as bitter this year as in years past. Perhaps I’m slipping?

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  6. You did it! I am glad that you are still here being bitter and getting more readers and commenters to complain about! Enjoy and relax! Take a load off! No, I am not meaning anything snotty, but you did say you wished hamburgers were bigger than the one that is the size of a puppy in your face!

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  7. Happy one year anniversary. At least you aren’t personally hitting a big year marker, like a 40th birthday. Now that will be something to be bitter about.

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  8. The Phonyon staff found your post to be quite bitter, bordering on acrid. One staffer suggested that, should you ever change your name to Steve, you might consider calling yourself Strident Steve. Enjoy a gin and bitters at your favorite establishment!

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  9. Happy Blogoversary. Your bitterness makes me smile and that probably says something about me, but I am not going to take the time to figure out what because it’s probably not good. In the mean time I am looking forward to year 2!

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