The girl who got this message wasn’t a very big fan of lights!
This weekend I spent some time reflecting on this time of year(in between all the other bitter things I was doing). Daylight savings time happened, which causes us to lose an hour from our weekend, and I didn’t get my much needed lazy hour on the couch. It made me wonder what else about Daylight Savings time made me bitter. Then it came to me like a dream in the daytime (or was it in my naptime?). Light is what makes me bitter.
For some reason, the Daylight Savings Committee (DSC for short) seems to think that we need more light. Summer is only 5 months away(in Seattle it’s August), but they find the need for us to get more light. Have they considered that maybe we don’t want more? Because of light, I have to buy expensive sunglasses (it’s always the expensive ones that get lost, stolen, or broken, not the cheap ones) to shade our eyes from the light.
Some people wear these to look cool. I wear them to keep the light out of my eyes (and to look cool).
Also, for some reason light gets credit for people’s happiness. Why is light so much better than dark? Why did light become so much more important? I know people that some people are fans of the light(Weirdos) and they think that it gives them more energy and gets them out of depression. To that I say, blah(Yes, that is my argument.).
Let’s do an experiment and you tell me how much you love light. If, after you do this experiment, you still say that you love the light, then fine, you are entitled to your incorrect opinion. And congratulations on being a liar. So here goes:Wake up at 5 o’clock in the morning (just for the fun of it). Walk from your bedroom to your bathroom (without stepping on your kids toys, or your not kids toys) and quickly turn on the light. Do it a few times. Flick it on over and over. Then tell me which you liked better, light or dark? I choose the dark. A lot easier on my eyes.
Light is pretty full of itself. It’s so proud, that it had a whole star made it’s honor. You know, the sun. And the sun is so cocky, that it thinks the earth revolves around it. And the rest of our solar system for that matter. What do you want sun, a parade? Are you aware that if I was to come within a few hundred feet of the sun, I would get like, really hot? Think about that the next time you want to praise the sun so much.
The sun is so arrogant that it thinks that the whole universe revolves around it. (and that it needs sunglasses.)
Light is also so cocky, that it believes that nothing in the universe is as fast as it. There could be a race between Usain Bolt, the speed of sound and the speed of light and light thinks it would always win. How about we play a cruel prank on the light and tell it that in order to win it needs to light a bulb at the finish line, and “accidently” forget to put a working light bulb there. Then it wouldn’t win the Race of Legends and it wouldn’t be so full of itself. Take that, light.
“I’m coming for you speed of light. Your reign is over!”(Get it, rain/reign?) Usain Bolt of Lightning
Light is a diva. Dark doesn’t take all your time, money and energy in order to be awesome. When is the last time you saw a large energy bill and said, “We need to st0p leaving all the darks off. It is making our energy bill too high!” The dark even works when there is a complete power outage. On the other hand light only works when it feels like it(or when you switch on the light). And who was the genius that had to invent the stupid light bulb? Oh, it was Edison? Who is he? Did he know how much money it would cost to run them? Or how short of a time they would last? We would have been way better off being in the Dark Ages.
Maybe we were better off in the dark ages…Not so bright in the morning.
Light reminds me of work. I work during the day. Light works in the day too, just to spite me. And make me bitter. I say we stop doing daylights savings time so that light doesn’t think it is so important.
So who is ready to join the dark side with me? No one? Fine. I will go stew in my corner in the dark.
Arrgghhh it’s so bright! I’m forced to wear shades!
Bitter Ben
All images found on Google
Related articles
- Daylight Saving Time Wastes Electricity (blogs.wsj.com)
- Florida considers extending daylight savings time year round, should Alabama do the same? (with poll) (al.com)
- Bitter Benniversary (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Medical Science Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
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I had to get up crazy early to go to church to sing that Daylight Savings day (yes, both light AND i are better than you), where we were told that light ALWAYS overtakes the dark, so you can’t rock-paper-scissors the light even if you try. Light is like a souped-up dynamite, trumping dark right and left. BTW, the future is so bright, you have to wear shades, but is that because only by dimming the brightness, can you fully enjoy it? Otherwise, why bother with shades at all?
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Ouch Miss Kerbey. I guess you told me. Just so you know I was also up crazy early on Daylight savings and it was so bright! However, I chose to focus on the dark that made my eyes so much happier.
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Enter the Best Buy Theater in the middle of Times Square for a concert @ 8pm (winter OR summer), come out three hours later and it can really throw you for a loop. How long was that concert exactly? Not only does this type of brightness (after being in darkness) throw you. It is BEYOND the level of any daylight we have ever seen here on Earth! Even a lighting fixture store cannot compete with such effect. I think there is enough light within a single block radius (just a few seconds worth) to last one human a lifetime!
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I think they need to turn off the lights so we aren’t all so dizzy all the time.
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Ahh, the good old morning chuckle. Ironically your bitter post about light made meeting it this morning way easier. I’ll be following, not like literally – I’m not under your car…you know what I mean.
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Follow away. I am not used to being stalked, but I can take it! I’ll just be bitter about it!
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I’m conflicted. Your post is so brilliant it’s threatening to make me less bitter.
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Well, snap out it! Get out there and be more bitter!
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I’m totally with you. I go into work a whole hour early so that I can just sit in the dark for a while. And then some stupid person comes in and says, “Why are you sitting there in the dark?” and I say that I LIKE the dark, and they get all weirded out and turn on the lights. It’s very sad, every day.
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Amazingly, I also go into work early and sit in the dark. I also have stupid people that come in at 7:00 and ruin it by turning on the lights. I also made it okay for other people to come in early and they disturb my peace even earlier. Bitter!
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LOL! That’s brilliant!!! 🙂
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Light likes to think it is brilliant, but it isn’t as smart as it thinks.
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this makes me sing,”i wear my sunglasses at night so i can so i can”… i don’t know the rest.
have been here so long, the clock above my head is now correct again.
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So you can see? Clocks make me bitter.
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i CAN see that
even through my sunglasses.
everyone can see that.
(haiku )
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Thanks for liking my satire on corporate sponsorship at http://carrierussellbooks.wordpress.com. Nice to find other sharp humor in the blogosphere. I like dark, too (humor and spring days).
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There is a little sharp satire out there, but it is few and far between. I say we start a satire club, where try to one up each other in our cleverness.
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You disappoint me. Such an optimistic response. Sounds like you’re feeling confident and not bitter at the moment. But don’t worry. I’ll do my best to adequately one up you so you can return to your baseline of bitter.
😉
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The bitterness over you comment is boiling inside me ready to come out. You have messed with the wrong bitter guy. I’m not only going to reach the baseline, I will dig to the depths of the earth to find bitterness greater than all that has ever come before. You dig?
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I am not going back to BC until it get even lighter and brighter. Or our US medical runs out.
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Your brightness will kill the darkness inside me!
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Springing ahead made me very bitter too. Since I was losing an hour of sleep I had to go to bed at 7. Did you know Arizona and Hawaii don’t change their clocks? Something else to be bitter about.
I like sunlight. I hate unflattering fluorescent lights that make me look uglier and thinner than I am.
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I knew that Arizona didn’t do it. My friend is always bragging about it to me. I would move to Hawaii, but they have too much light.
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I think the only piece of real estate I can afford in Hawaii is a pineapple under the sea a la Spongebob Squarepants.
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I couldn’t even get a pineapple. Maybe a rotten apple.
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