This may sound like an oxymoron, but I am Bitter about comedy. Maybe it’s because I am an old man, or because I associate with a whole bunch of people that aren’t funny. And by not funny I mean that they don’t think I’m funny.
I get that some people don’t think I’m funny. My wife gets a pass because she has heard my stupid puns a hundred thousand times. (My small handheld ticker tells me so.) I get that some of my siblings and parents may have also heard things a few too many times, but they don’t get a pass. I don’t talk to them every day and I have new material. They should should be rolling on the ground if I haven’t told them any jokes for more than a few days. But there a vast majority of you out there that don’t deal with my humor on a daily basis(about 99.9% of the world.) So you should understand that everything I say is funny. When I’m insulting you, or giving you bitter stares or telling others about you behind your back, hey that’s just me being funny. Especially when I’m telling you how horrible you are. Just accept that is me being funny. It’s called sarcasm. Look it up in the dictionary. It’s in the “S” section. Also a thesaurus should work if you don’t have a dicitonary.
Which brings me to my point about comedies on television. Since everything I say is funny, I gravitate towards show that make me laugh. Because I can’t be carrying all the humor in the world. I need others to take the burden from me. So I allow stand up comedians (or anything on Comedy Central for that matter), late night talk show hosts, and a few prime time comedies take the burden from me, when I am feeling bitter. (Which is most of the time.) But for some reason, just like the fact that only .1% of you know how funny I am, there are shows on television that are super funny like me, but they are only watched by a small percentage of the people in the United States. This makes me bitter. The funniest show on television is called Community. It is hilarious and witty and smart, and yet it gets tiny ratings from people.
Then there is the matter of a show called 2 and 1/2 Men. So why must American make me so bitter by watching it? Do you just not have an understanding of how unfunny that show is? Are you bitter because you aren’t watching Community? I have not met one person who actually watches 2 and 1/2 Men. So who is watching it? Is it bitter old men who can’t hear? Or bitter old ladies that are hoarders and can’t leave the house and don’t know how to change the channel from CBS? Can we just hire someone to change the channel for these people?
You may or may not know that I have curse upon me that anything I start liking, such as food, gets discontinued or cancelled. I liked an Ice cream sandwich called Big Ed’s that was ice cream surrounded by chocolate cookies and had chocolate chips surrounding it. Discontinued. Then I started liking a Chips Ahoy thing that had creme between two cookies. Discontinued. Then I started likin Minute Maid Cherry Limeade. Discontinued at every store but Wal Mart. I would get it, but it requires that I go to Walmart. I even started liking Smallville and they cancelled it after only 10 years! Now I like a hilarious comedy called Community and it is getting 13 episodes, airing on the Friday graveyard schedule and then being put sadly to sleep after those few short seasons of pure joy.
As you can tell I am bitter about that.