Food that makes me work makes me bitter. Food is necessary for survival right? I assume if you are human and reading this blog you know that. I know the cavemen needed to hunt for their food because apparently there were no grocery stores in Cave City. (Couldn’t they find it at the Cave Marketplace?) And yeah, I know some people like to hunt and work a little for their food. But what about the normal bitter people like me who don’t want to hunt(or be a caveman)?
Then there is the whole process of cooking food. Either we have to do it ourselves or have someone else do it. Restaurants are nice enough to cook it for a price or a family member is sometimes nice enough to do it for us (hopefully we are nice to the person), but when it comes to eating that food, why do we have food that makes us do even more work? And why does that work provide so little results? I’m looking at you Ribs, Corn on the cob, shrimp, chicken, and foundue.
Let’s get something straight. I like ribs and corn on the cob and chicken and fondue (sorry shrimp, I don’t like you). But why do you make me work so hard to enjoy you? Ribs have huge bones in the middle of a little bit of meat. So bite and scratch and claw for a little bit of meat, then you have to wipe your hands off and you go back to scraping and clawing for a little bit more. Let’s get more efficient ribs, how about you become like your much more appealing cousin called Boneless ribs. Then we might like you more. And that goes for the rest of you. Corn on the cob, meet corn that has already been taken off the cob. Put yourself in a can, or perhaps a bag. Just get off the cob so we can eat you and not have strings getting stuck in our teeth. Chicken, let you friend the Chicken Nugget or Chicken Breast be in the spotlight. They are the more refined version of you. When you are ready, you can be eaten by me. Until then, stay in the kiddie kitchen.
So here’s to you food. We thank you for keeping us alive. We thank you for being tasty. But please let us enjoy you in large portions without have some bitter bone interupting us. Let us get to the good stuff so we can have more of you. And by the way, if we could also get you to stop adding pounds and giving us heart attacks that would be great too. Then I could be bitter about other things.
Arrrghh!
Bitter Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
i have always been bitter about how long it takes to cook food.you waste 3 hours making it & it’s gone in an hour if you eat slowly like i do or 5 minutes,if you are my cousins.then you could do this 3 x;s a day & waste 9 hours .
you need a mother & a monther -in-law who take the corn on the cob off the cob for you,like i had…why you ask? tmj.
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Especially Thanksgiving. It can usually eat in about 20 minutes what it took other people all day to make.
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yes & sometimes it takes 2 days to make thanksgiving.
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Usually people are watching football or getting ready to go shopping.
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there are people who spend a lot of time getting ready to go shopping? not me. my middle name is shopping.my aunt told me so.
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And you first name is Not?
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first name is Worry
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Mine in Bitter.
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i did not know that…you should open a restaurant or a tv show: bitter ben’s brisket
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I actually thought about it. I’ve lots of large ideas for Bitter Inc.
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it’s good to have ideas, especially bitter ideas.
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It would be best to have one that actually makes money someday.
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that would be best, but then it wouldn’t be bitter would it?
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There is always something to be bitter about. In fact, it would make my bitterness even more absurd.
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that’s true.i want a bittersweet chocolate funfetti cupcake. is there such a thing?
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If there is just a bitter chocolate funfetti cupcake I would be interested.
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i would be interested too. there must be, b/c 100% of the people here want one…that was math.
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100% of the two people definitely. Betty Crocker should be paying attention.
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