Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

Yesterday, I had just arrived at my gym parking lot, when my wife called. So I had to do the most amount of multitasking I could possibly do, which was walking and talking on the phone at the same time. By the time I got to the treadmill we were still talking, so I had … Continue reading Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

Exercise Bitterness

Yesterday I talked about sports and how I used to enjoy them. Today I'm going to talk about how they ruined my life. To get some context, my son is a burgeoning athlete. He is so much bigger than other kids his age, that sometimes it doesn't even seem fair. In fact, in football, I … Continue reading Exercise Bitterness

Pick Up Lines Ben

You all thought I was lazy. And you are absolutely right. If it was possible for someone invent something that would allow me to slide off the couch, roll me to the kitchen where a sandwich would be made for me, I would probably never leave the couch. Then the other day, I watched something … Continue reading Pick Up Lines Ben

Pokemon Go Away

Back in 1998, I was a recent grad from college, working at my dream job of telemarketer, and I would get super bored between calls. Luckily, I had a Nintendo Game Boy and I had discovered this new game called Pokemon. It captured my imagination, because it was about being a 10 year old. A … Continue reading Pokemon Go Away

My Bitter New Career

When I was in 7th grade, we did a career day where we had to decide what we wanted to be when we grew up. I decided that I wanted to be an advertising copywriter.  So I stuck with that dream and decided that anything that didn't have to do with writing copy was worthless … Continue reading My Bitter New Career

Fit Bitterness

It's mid January, which means all your dreams of getting in shape have been dashed like the Death Star at the end of Star Wars (spoiler warning too late if you haven't seen a movie that came out in 1977).  Though I can find bitterness in even the most benign situations, other less bitter individuals … Continue reading Fit Bitterness

Fit Bitterness

According to the many commercials on the television thing, I'm supposed to be doing a lot of fitting in.  First there was the commercial run by the U.S. Postal Service advertising their priority mail box.  "If it fits, it ships," they said.  So I crammed all the heavy metal explosives along with a ticking clock, … Continue reading Fit Bitterness

Let Us(By Us I mean You) Get Some Exercise this Weekend Bitterness Giftures

I've been told by television that if you exercise and eat right for like a year, you will lose half your body weight.  Your life will "be transformed", everyone will "fake" like you, and you will "find the person of your dreams" and you will get the "promotion you've been striving for", you will get … Continue reading Let Us(By Us I mean You) Get Some Exercise this Weekend Bitterness Giftures