Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

Yesterday, I had just arrived at my gym parking lot, when my wife called. So I had to do the most amount of multitasking I could possibly do, which was walking and talking on the phone at the same time. By the time I got to the treadmill we were still talking, so I had to do a third thing, which was operate a machine while talking on the phone.

I started the machine on a slow pace, so I could concentrate on what my wife was saying, but then had to put my stuff down. Well, considering that I was now at three things, you probably figured out what happened next. When I turned to get off, I slipped a little and almost dropped my phone, water, keys and wallet.

By the grace of the heavens, I didn’t fall, but I sure did my best to.

Treadmills might be the most dangerous thing this side of thunder (or is it lightning? I always get those mixed up).

Besides the fact that they are so dangerous, they are kiiind of inefficient. Have you ever gotten anywhere on those things?

You might be an optimistic person that thinks that life is a marathon and not a sprint, but you would be wrong. Life is a treadmill. I put a lot of effort into things, but only get incremental progress. My headphones get slippery, I sweat a lot, and might lose 400 calories in an hour. But I gain all the back as soon as I sit down on my couch and only move to the fridge for the rest of the night.

Same with my life. Big days are just disruptors unless you are Steve Jobs or Elon Musk. Yeah, I’ve had a few big days like graduating, moving to a new town, getting several new jobs getting a new house or apartment, but most days are just treadmill day. Running in place, making little progress.

I even do a blog post on the same day every week, and they get just slightly more bitter from week to week…Speaking of bitter, here are the giftures…

Most days are just the constant fight…

Oh No Volleyball GIF by Big Brother
…with gravity.

You run fast…

Falling Down Fall GIF by Julian Frost
…and you fall down.

Run up a little wall…

free running pain GIF
…then you fall down the hall.

Make some progress…

Treadmill GIF
…then fall back several steps (FYI, notice the guy to his right not even noticing)

Of course, there is always the people…

cardio kills GIF
…that find the shortcuts.

Or people that just don’t want anything…

workout GIF
…out of it.

Some figured out how to use them…

gym GIF
…to take off their shoes.


trick trainer GIF
…just live life differently.

A lot of people get

gym fail GIF
…easily distracted.

While others…

gym fail GIF
…are just hanging on for dear life.

Some accidentally…

gym fail GIF
…find a way to breakthrough.

While the rarest of the rare…

day gym GIF
…do it with style.

Do whatever you want, but my suggestion is to not be one of those weirdos that run marathons, or fast sprints that fade. Just be like me and be bitter about your slow, constant, steady decline towards old age.


Bitter Tread Lightly Ben

10 thoughts on “Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. I ran 5k today in a little over 31 mins (that’s not good enough for the army, but luckily I am not enlisting). I don’t trust treadmills, though.

    Btw, that guy who breaks it, the guy in the chair is not even getting up to help him lmao! That’s even worse than being stupid on a treadmill.


Your Bitter Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.