A few weeks ago I talked about the death of movies. As I mentioned, the day they died was the moment the disease which shall not be named, COVID, killed not only people, but the movie industry. More specifically, I talked about how Disney was high on its own supply in 2019, with the release of Rise of Skywalker, and I just felt like they were ripe for a takedown.

What I didn’t mention is that I hate Disney. It’s not because I’m bitter, which I very much am. It’s because I love roller coasters, and Disney seems to hate them. Disneyland is optimized for kids, and minimized for good roller coaster rides. I’ve been to both Disney World and Disney Land a handful of times, and between the 6 parks combined, I can’t count on one of my fingers any of the coasters that I liked.

Disney Amusement Parks are meant for children, and some creepy Disney Adults, but could they have thrown us regular coaster lovers, a bone? Perhaps a park that was focused on coasters, and people with sophisticated tastes in coasters and less on the stupid teacup rides? I don’t need a picture with a stupid Disney princess, or a ticker tape parade of Mickey shaped fireworks. I don’t need a park with a two hour wait for It’s a Small World ride. I need a park that has a long line for a roller coaster that starts from the equivalent of the height of the Empire State building and makes my stomach drop it like its hot. I want a coaster that makes me feel alive, by making me think I’m plummeting to my death. I want it so twisty and turny that it reminds me of the end of Sixth Sense. I want to feel so exhilarated that I want to puke after the ride. I want to be so excited after a ride, that I want to Burn Utica to the Ground. I never get that feeling when I’m at Disney.

It was 2020 when I first felt an exhilarating feeling about Disney, but it wasn’t when I was at one of their parks. It was the exhilarating feeling of schadenfreude I felt when Disney got its day of reckoning when the disease poisoned the mouse. No one has enjoyed watching Disney constantly crumble more than I have. From the movies Titanicing, to the cruises not Titanicing (having any guests) to the parks looking like an old and abandoned Titanic ship at the bottom of the ocean, Disney has been a disaster. You might think that Disney is at the lowest point in its history, and until a few weeks ago, I would have agreed. However, I want you to imagine that I’m Steve Jobs, standing on the stage of the Apple headquarters, in my black turtleneck, and I just finished my presentation about how cooked Disney is. Now, imagine me walking off the stage, but hesitating for just a second, then slowly walking back to the stage and saying, “Oh, just one more thing…”

There is one more thing that I need to tell you about Disney that is going to crush it under the bottom of the ocean. So much so that Ariel is finding thingamabobs that look like Mickey for her collection. Did you know that Disney’s first animated short, Steamboat Willie was created in 1928? Probably, but why should you care? Well…copywrites last 95 years, and then they become public domain. So, if you do a little math, you could tell me that 1928 + 95 = 2023. So that means….that anyone can use that version of Mickey Mouse in the Steamboat Willie is now in the public domain.

You might think, yes, but that is just that version of Mickey Mouse, and just that particular short animation. That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But, time keeps marching forward. Did you know that Disney did things 94, 93, and 92 years ago? So that would mean…there’s a lot of Disney copyrights that are expiring in the next few years. Donald, Goofy, Daisy, and a number of other copyrights are sinking into the ocean, and I’m all for anyone diving deep into the ocean and using Mickey and Friends for their nefarious purposes. You’ve probably seen a few crazy ways the public has already used Mickey Mouse in a horror film, but I’m looking forward to what a really creative public is going to do with all the public domain stuff in the next few years. It’s going to be a bloodbath and I’m here for it.

There are a lot of technical and legal things that won’t allow people to use no longer copyrighted things Steamboat Willie Nilly, because the laws of copyrights and trademarks are different and pretty sketchy. I imagine, though, that as soon as some law firm finds a way to break through the barriers, and with the laws of AI not even really established, I could see that Mickey and friends being put in some pretty compromising positions. I probably won’t do much about it, but I will enjoy watching Utica Disney burn to the ground. Disney could have prevented all of this, if only they made better roller coasters.

Maybe that would be a good lesson Disney could use in one of their movies to finally make a successful movie.

Whether we watch Disney sink under the sea, or burn like Utica to the ground, Here are some Bitter Thanksgiving Giftures for you.

A couple of weeks ago…

This week I wanted to talk more specifically about…

I hate Disney for a lot of reasons…

So you could probably imagine…

The parks, movies, and cruises all went down…

Disney did its best to recover…

So as the Captain of the Disney Disaster and Downfall Committee…

To the Apple Corporate Office Stage…

May I present to you…

But even better…

Be patient my friends…

We will…

Bitter Thanksgiving, you filthy animals.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Copyright Lows Ben