People are always asking me where I get so many great ideas for this blog. You’d think that after 12 years and 1,578 Bitter Blog posts (1579 once this is published), I would run out of good ideas. First, let’s be clear that not all my posts are home runs, or even triples. Most of them are weak infield hits that barely make it up the 1st baseline, but they always get published. Also, nobody really asked me where I get my ideas.

Since you brought it up, I’m bitter to answer. So where do I get the ideas? Before I answer where, let me answer how. Creative ideas flow through me like the Salmon of Capistrano. My constant flow of ideas need a storage unit. Since there is no such thing as a storage unit for ideas, I had to improvise. Since I ran out of Post it Notes, I just invented a phone called the Samsung Note and put Post it Notes on the phone. Now, anytime Thor’s Lightning Strike of Ideas rains down on my head, I just write down the word or phrase on my Samsung Note. In essence, the lightning bolts come in the form of a hastily scribbled, illegible note.

Some notes are like instant classics that strike just the right cord, and are immediate hits. On the other hand, some notes become like the leftover lightning residue when you stick your tongue on the two leads of a battery, or stick your finger in a light socket.

That’s how I store my ideas. Now let’s discuss how I get them. The biggest lightning bolts are the ones that happen when my mind wanders, which is most of the time. Usually when I zoning out at work, or in meetings, or when I’m just filling out an excel sheet or when I’m listening to music, or when my wife is explaining how to find something in the fridge or any important upcoming meeting or gathering.

The mind wandering also includes dreams, because my mind wanders a lot when I’m asleep, which is bad, because I’m often asleep in meetings, or working. It can also happen when I play video games, because a lot of my time gaming is grinding so I can level up. Some people wish I would level up in real life, IE the aforementioned wife that wants me to remember times and find things in the fridge. My mind used to wander when I fell asleep in the shower, but nowadays I’m in a hurry in the shower.

The most important way I get creative ideas is by just straight thieving them from other people, and remixing them for my purposes. When I listen to podcasts, watch TikToks, watch YouTube videos or read book, I’m always on the lookout for stealable ideas. I like to steal from people who steal, so I take creative ideas from creative ideas who stole from other creative ideas. As sited in the Like the Law of Conservation of Ideas, ideas can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed from one form to another. In other words, I’m just transforming others ideas to my own Super Sayan Bitter Ideas.

Another way I come up with ideas is when my teenager spits out some new slang word. A word will burrow itself deep inside my brain, and I won’t be able to think about anything else for a week. I’ll then do a deep dive, a journalistic investigation on the word. I’ll interview my son, question his co-teenagers, research the roots of the word, dig into the origins of the word, and ask the judges if they can use it in a sentence. I will even dare to go as far as venturing to the darker side of the internet called the Urban Dictionary. I make sure to bring a rope so I can find my way back from getting too deep into that dangerous territory, and I can be pulled back to reality before I lose my sense of humanity and sanity. I will then do a whole blog post about it.

If those things don’t flood the zone of ideas in my brain or Samsung Note, there is always real life. My family, experiences I had in school, work, or vacations. I have a deep well of mundanity that has yet to be mined for Bitter Blog Content.

The last place I get ideas from is one I don’t like to publicize as much, because I don’t like giving credit to other people or give them big heads. A few dozen of my posts have come from the comment section. I hate encouraging people to comment on my blog, because then I might get engagement, which would spread this blog to more people, which would then cause it to go viral, and then I would probably start getting more money, fame and notoriety, and who needs that? Let’s just keep this blog on the down low, between us followers, and not spread it like a virus, because viruses suck.

Be assured that no matter how old I get, I will always have a deep well of ideas I can dig out of my pocket. Unless someone steals all my dreams, my phone, my blog gets shut down by the government and I forget everything I ever did in the past. Good thing only my mom AND her mom had dementia and that it’s genetic. Ummm…maybe my well of ideas is going to dry up faster than I thought. Just be assured that in that case, my blogs might not make sense, but I’ll still be typing them. They might just be a little repetitive and my gifs may just be a bunch of people screaming at the sky. If that happens, just know that I’m writing them from the memory care center.

While you are contemplating your dozens of ideas for future Bitter Blogs, don’t forget to gaze at these Bitter Friday Giftures while trying not to hypnotize yourself…

People often ask me…

Actually…

But if someone did ask…

First, I’d tell them…

Instead of a storage unit…

When inspiration strikes…

But it always comes…

How I get ideas is another thing entirely…

Or when I’m zoning out…

Sometimes I’ll get an idea…

Usually my favorite ideas come from…

And I’ll just remix it…

The last one needs to remain low key on the downlow…

Not only do I not want my commenters…

But I don’t want my ideas…

ARRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Lightning Strikes Ben