There are two different kinds of people in the world. The ones that thrive being around other people, and the ones that thrive being around not people. If left to my own devices (ie computer devices), I could go months before needing human contact. As long as I have a couch, a TV, and some food delivered to my fridge while I’m in another room ignoring them, I could exist for years in a man cave. Since that isn’t possible, because I need money, I’m thankful someone invented noise cancelling headphones, because I can exist at work with people mulling around, while being able to ignore them.

Most people don’t realize you don’t need your voice to communicate things. There are things like email, blogs, eye rolls, face scrunches, mental telepathy and head shakes that I use to tell you most of what I’m thinking. Why do people insist on using the laziest and most inefficient form of communication, talking?

I could write a concise 5 sentence email to sum up every meeting I’ve ever been in. For some reason, people need to engage in this useless thing called small talk, both before, during and after meetings.

One time I was on the phone with my sister, and our cordless phone died. I scrambled for a full minute to find another one that had power and figured she would’ve hung up. When I finally got back on the phone with her, not only did she not notice, she kept talking for 5 more minutes without a single response from me or from what I could tell taking a breath. I have the talent of being on a phone with someone for hours and not learning a single thing. People are just so inefficient with their words.

You’re probably saying the same thing about my blog, and this post in particular. You’re right. I should probably get to the point. But I like to drag the posts out, because it’s better for the algorithm. Besides, you’ll probably all sit through a two-hour movie about Barbie this weekend while I can probably guess the plot in four words. Barbie needs her friends.

I have a solution for efficiently getting across my verbals to other people. Have you ever heard of chyrons? You probably have, but you probably don’t know they were called chyrons. You know how on ESPN, a host is droning on about something and you just want them to get to the point? That is where chyron’s come in. They are a short phrase or sentences that tell you what is taking the host way too long to express.

If you hate the way the host on TV talks, you can just turn down the volume and know exactly what they are saying by just reading the chyron. So here’s my point. Why has no one invented personal HUD’s (Heads Up Display) with tickers and chryons to help us get through conversations with annoying people yet?

Can you imagine being in meetings and being able to watch Netflix on your HUD, while getting the Cliff Notes version of what everyone said? Meetings would be fun for the first time, and efficiency would go through the roof. Instead of being yelled at for not doing your job, you would just see a message pop up that said, “Do your job faster.”

Sitting through a phone call would be so much easier, and you could watch Netflix while they droned on about someone’s funeral.

I suppose we could just keep living in this inefficient world of using useless words and communicating with other people by having long conversations because “that is always the way we’ve always done things”. I suppose we could also keep riding around in buggies with horses too. And let’s keep using typewriters and phones with cords. While we are at it, let’s just gather in the living room and stare at the fireplace, instead of the much more inviting glow of a TV. Because humans are satisfied with doing things inefficiently. While you are pondering my master plan, I’ll just leave a trail of Giftures for you down below…

There are two different kinds of people in the world…

And the…

Give me…

My…

And refrigerator….

And I’m fine with…

But for some reason…

So they drone on…

And talk too much…

And they are using the old methods…

It’s time to use…

And tickers…

And for that we all need…

So you can watch Netflix…

I’m not saying we should make talking less of a thing, I’m just saying, the Wright Brothers weren’t happy with the birds being the only creatures that could fly.

ARRRRGGGGHGHHHHH

Bitter Chyrons, Tickers and HUD’s Ben