Uniting the Clans Bitterness

It’s pretty funny to me that companies actually have different departments the each have their own bosses. For instance, the company that I work for has a graphic design department, and an accounting department, and a marketing department.

Some people might mistake being in a department as a team of people that work together. What bosses and employees don’t realize is that most teams aren’t a collective of uniting principles and ideas. Mostly, it’s just a bunch of people that sit next to each other that do similar jobs. If you walk into my office on any given day, you won’t see collaboration, working together, or synergizing. You will just see a bunch of people wearing headphones on computers typing things. Just the way I planned it.

You have no idea if actual work is getting done, and I wouldn’t either. For all you know, I’m inside the Matrix, while the guy next to me is on ESPN.com and another guy is on Twitch getting his game on. The girl across the way could be watching Netflix, while that other one is water tubing on the Youtubthing.

When I first started here, two girls that sat next me collaborated (IE gossiped all the time) all the time. They did so much collaborating, that when I had to get up and move, I had to push their chairs out of the way. Don’t worry though, I really enjoy interrupting them. And thanks to the miracle of noise cancellation that we discussed in last week’s blog, I could avoid collaborating with them.

Don’t get me wrong, marketing tasks could crossover each other and collaboration could make a difference. But when I came here, I made it my goal to stop collaboration. My bitter influence is starting to take hold. Isolation and decollaboration is taking hold.

Laziness is a cause I believe in. Work, not so much.

The main point of Braveheart was that William Wallace and Robert the Bruce saw a bunch of clans that were doing their own thing. The clans were sitting at their desks with their headphones on, while the boss (The English) kept collecting taxes and taking their lands.

So William Wallace and Robert the Bruce decided to tell the Scots to get off their headphones and zoom calls and actually go fight traffic (I mean the English). They eventually got their freedom…to work in an office where Michael Scott was their boss and Dwight and Jim were their co-workers. I assume many of you haven’t seen Braveheart 2: The Rise of Dunder Mifflin.

Every once in a while the clans need to be united though. The one I’ve noticed lately is of you, my fellow WordPress bloggers. We are all out here doing our own thing, some doing poetry, others talking about religion and politics, others trying to be funny, and still others talking about video games or comics. The main thing we all share in common is bitterness. Because of that, I’m offering to unite all of us clans together to fight our common enemy The English (I mean Happiness).

We cannot allow this small group of fringe Happy People to control our lives. They are a small, yet powerful group of daily affirmationers, positive quoters and extremely rich people that work 4 hours selling “affiliate link programs” and live on horse farms when they turn 22. They can take our lives, but can they never take, our BITTTTTERRNNNEESSSS!

They may have huge influence, algorithmic preference, and control over WordPress, but we know the truth. There are a lot more of us getting a few likes and subs, that aren’t making money, getting on the Discover Page, or getting WordPress to answer our calls/emails when our sites aren’t working. But we have power in numbers. I’m here to unite the clans in Reader under one category. Bitterness. Shut down the rest and join the Bitterness category. Who is with me?

If you don’t join the clan, at least follow the Bitter Friday Giftures…

We can’t let happy people…

…like this to control our lives.

These abominations (the office party)…

…must be stopped.

Our clan needs to fight against these…

…lame sports figures celebrating goals.

These are the English…

…we need to take down.

These Happy Few…

…need to be a less Happy Few.

The other problem with happiness…

…is the really crappy dancing.

We need more of this…

..in our Offices.

Who better to unite the bitter clans…

…than an original Scot, Bitter Ben.

We need to teach our kids…

…at a young age about bitter taste.

We need to put pies…

…in the faces of the old.

Because if we aren’t…

…bitter united.

Then we’ll just be…

…bitter divided.

Which I’m actually okay with as well. I just need to make sure we are all bitter. So join my clan’s war against the evil happiness which is trying to invade Scotland. Or the US.


Bitter Uniting the Bitter Clan Ben


19 thoughts on “Uniting the Clans Bitterness

  1. Have you thought about “running” (no actual running involved) for office? No need to campaign or anything like that, really. Just say you are running and what you will, or will NOT do. “Build Back Bitter” and all that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve thought about running away from office. I would be more of a bureaucratic shadow leader running the puppet that we get elected. I intend to “Build Back Bitter”, but they seem to be doing all the work without my help.


  2. ‘Fraid I won’t be joining your clan. One, because I don’t join things, especially clans. And two, because as a happy person, I’m on the other side. Possibly because I don’t join things or work with people. Anyway, here, have a free 🙂.


  3. The Bitter Friday Giftures got it going on! I’m trying to be bitter but (1) I’m going on vacation and I don’t really give a rat’s ass about anything and (2) these Giftures are too funny; they’re keeping be from being completely bitter. I’m sure I’ll be disillusioned about something while only vaca so I’ll be doubly bitter when I return. 😁


    • We’ll start by using hashtags, and then taking over the media. Though the trouble is that they might actually trust us more than the media, which will lead to the downfall of society much faster than we had hoped.

      Liked by 1 person

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