Early in September, when Tum’s feel the first chill of fall, they feel a tingle in their calcium infused hearts. Summer is a bitter season for the Tum’s because people do things like spend time outside and exercise. Food is consumed, but people work it off by going hiking, swimming(half an hour after anyways) and canoeing. Tum’s lay slowly decaying on their wooden shelves, encased in their plastic prisons dreaming of a day where someday they can live the dream. The dream of being a hero, of fighting the evil indigestion of stomachs across the land.
Some will expire along the way, never fulfilling the dream. However, if they work out and become extra strength enough, they may make it to the fall, where people start eating more and exercising less. It is in this fall season that the cherry flavoreds and the berry flavoreds put their bitter stomach relieving feud to the side. There may be a chance to be called into hero duty, for an extra long candy eating session, or maybe a Hanukkah or out control Kwanzaa party where the humans have consumed one too many appeteasers. Some claim the Christmas dinner to be the most prestigious meal of bitter food being consumed. However, if a Tum’s was asked of their truest desire, deep in their chalky hearts, they could not deny their truest wish is the post Thanksgiving Day meal.
When The Day comes, Tum’s get their Special Thanksgiving day label delivered, where they pour over the biggest Thanksgiving people sale. The ultimate prize of course being the chance to fight in the Bitter Belly of Bitter Ben as he is the world’s biggest pig. Most Tum’s don’t dare brave the month long lines because only a few tickets are handed out for the privilege of fighting his indigestion, heart burn and acid reflux. But for the elite few that brave the elements and the lint in his pockets they will be the true heroes of Black Bitter Heart Thursday.
This is the season of thankfulness. You know what I am thankful for? I’m thankful that most Tum’s don’t get the special opportunity to relieve my bitter stomach and I get to bitterly disappoint the billions of Tum’s that don’t get to save me. Go disappoint some Tum’s today!
Tumbitter Thanksgiving Ben