Delivering the Facial Friday Giftures

As we embark on the NBA All-Star weekend, we celebrate what the NBA is most famous for. Not the slam dunk or the 3 point shot, or the monster block, but the trash talk. It isn’t good enough to dunk on someone, you have to then deliver a well placed insult to the opponent you just facialized. I don’t know the new ones being handed out because I’m not a teenager, but the old school ones went like this. “I’m the bus driver, because I just took you all to school,” or “do you need a hospital for all the burns I just gave you?” or “How is the weather down there, because I just slam dunked all over you.” I’m sure the news one are something like, “I’ve been up here so long, I did two Snapchat stories.” I might need to call a fireman, because some of these gifs are too hot to handle.

I realize some of the jokes…

adsd

…might fall flat.

But if you want to…

...

…fly like an eagle…

Right into the future…

...where

…where even space nothing can stop the “Claaaaw”…

Where time keeps on…

...tripping

…slippin’, slippin’, slippin’.

Cause I wanna fly like an eagle…

...to the sea.

…to the sea.

Alright, enough of the Seal references…

...

…let’s jump back to our regularly scheduled program.

I hope referencing the Charlotte Hornet…

...

…doesn’t sting too much.

And by the way, if you aren’t arriving at the game in this manner…

...

…you won’t be in the Fast and the Furious like this girl.

This is probably how I will be…

...

…headed to the game.

Our newest invitee to the slam dunk contest…

...

…was kind of a flop.

I know everyone loves getting the T-shirts that shoot out of the cannon…

...

…but this is ridiculous.

And our final play will be…

...

…these kids who pulled this off better than the pros ever could. (By the way, this isn’t the Pro Bowl.)

Well, I hope you all enjoy the All-Star Game this weekend. I will not be attending, nor will I be watching, because apparently they don’t play it live on Netflix. So I will be home bitter and stewing that I again missed the All-Star game and you lucky people got to watch it.

ARRGGGHHHH

Bitter No-Star Game Ben

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