Rolling the Dice Friday Giftures


I feel like I failed you this week. Not only have I done almost no posting, but I also did a super serious one that hardly contained any bitterness other than to be bitter about younger people than me, trying to teach me something. I don’t know if it was opposite day, or I was just having some sort of crazy dream that caused me to go a little mad, but I apologize for the seriously terrible post that was. I hope it never happens again. I took a huge gamble doing that, and it failed in spades. That’s what happens when you roll the dice, or make a decision. Remind me never to make any decisions ever again. And don’t ever believe what Vegas tells you. What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay there, it comes back to haunt you. Like these giftures that rolled the dice way too hard.

Sometimes when you are dog tired…


…you have to hope it isn’t a cat-astrophe.

When you kickoff the weekend…


…hope things don’t explode in your face.

You better hope…


…that lightening strikes in the same place twice.

No matter what…


…when you are hungry, there is never enough…

But when you are stuffed…

...there is way too much.

…someone invites you over for a small meal.

Do you…


…see what I mean?

If you can’t see what I mean…


…don’t jump to any conclusions.

Just turn around…


…and don’t let your mind race too fast.

Or you mind might become…


…a train wreck. 

But don’t be afraid…


…it’s Friday night and you just got paid. And you’re a good old boy, that doesn’t mean any harm.

So before you…


…take off too early…

Make sure you find a nice place…

...make sure you have

…where you can party like a rock star…or a former NFL quarterback.

Clearly, this will not make up for the sheer lack of bitter content this week, but then again, I was plenty bitter about a lot of stuff this week and you should have read my mind, Monica the Medium’s. You’re supposed to know all this stuff. Why is it that I have to spell it out for all of you all the time? Does it look like I’m a blogger or something? Why can’t I be the lazy one for once?


Bitter Roll the Dice Ben

37 thoughts on “Rolling the Dice Friday Giftures

  1. Oooh, that poor old lady! D:
    I once had that, too, when I was dog-sitting. I just put his leash back on when my sister threw a stick…
    No wonder I don’t get along with that sister.


  2. Well, sometimes you have to roll the dice and make a decision. You just happen to make the wrong one. That’s kinda what happens in life. I don’t like making decisions sometimes but that pretty much leaves me standing in a puddle of a mess of my own making. That sucks worse than making a wrong choice, although not doing anything is also a decision.


  3. For whatever it’s worth, Twister was highly significant (in a hugely insignificant way) when I myself was in college. Therefore, in my own bitter and addled mind, you have come full circle this week. Kudos.


    • I clearly didn’t do that on purpose, but definitely will take the Kudos. But only because I like chocolate.
      The funny thing about Twister is that I watched it the first time at a drive through and hated it. Then, about 3 or months later I saw in a theater with good sound and realized it wasn’t meant to be seen at a drive thru with tiny speakers and enjoyed it way more.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. WHOA! Lightning Man could kill Voldemort with that thing! Or summon Monica the Medium for you. Love the old lady with the dog. Gotta be careful with those retractable leashes–give them an inch and they take a mile. 🙂


  5. I sympathize with your troubles. Decisions are never right, don’t let the goody two shoes fool you into believing that trope. I have faith that you’ll be back to your old bitterness in no time. In fact, I look forward to it.


  6. I thought you aimed for failure! Come on, next time own it! Or, for god’s sake, tell them someone kidnapped your blog! Or that you just wanted to make everyone bitterly miserable that day by reading your poor excuse for a blog!


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