You know those movie previews that you see during the SuperBowl that get you so charged up that you are ready to run through a wall to go to the theater and watch it right now? And then six months later when you actually see the movie, you want to take a toothbrush with some toothpaste and scrub your brain clean of the memory of the movie? And then you so desperately wanted go back to the time when you only knew about the preview?
That is like how you are going to feel when you read this post after getting all the hype from the post you read yesterday. If you haven’t, then you will want to erase this post from you memory and go back and read yesterdays.
As you can tell, this is my 600th published post and it is gonna be a bit of an underwhelmer. It’s the post right after the Hype Machine broke. It’s the series finale disappointer(think Seinfeld or that Who’s your Mother show) where everything was building up to this amazing ending and then you watched the finale and wanted to cry yourself bitterly to sleep.
This is the post that will not make you bitter or angry or laugh or even cry, but just want to go home and do some math. Because that is how much more interesting math is.
600 is a nice round number, that should be famous for something. Like a movie or an amount of laps in a race or a number of games in a season of something. Maybe a batting average that’s been a goal or even the name of a show or something. I Googled the heck out of that number(went to the second page and everything) and came up with diddly squat. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. No expression, or saying or dog was even named after it. Completely useless number. Will never be a part of pop culture. And now, because I am writing about it, it will only be associated with bitterness. But even I will write another post and tomorrow it will be just another one of my lame posts.
600, you need to get it together. Take a trip to Europe. Learn how to skydive. Invent a number (other than yourself, or course) or cure a disease. Just do something with your life, because if you don’t, you will always just be known as the double zero number that doesn’t associate with anything cool. And that isn’t cool.
Actually, just take your 24 hours of notoriousness into the bitter spotlight and do nothing with it like you always have. Because the world is filled with people and numbers that will surely take 30 minutes and turn them in $60 million(not $600 million). And then there are the bitter 600’s and Bitter Ben’s who will take the spotlight and shoot it out because it is getting in their eyes, and it makes them sweat.
Who knows though? Maybe you will turn things around in the six department and become 900. Because according to Google, at least 900 is associated with skateboarding and 2 1/2 rotations.
In the meantime, welcome to the couch, 600. May all your dreams not come true.
ARRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter 600 posts Ben
Well. Yesterday I hit 50. Which is 1/12 of 600. I’m catchin’ up, old man! And yes, it is all about me. Congrats, and thanks, as always, for the lemon laugh. (Bitter.) (That’s the level of literary prowess I’ve developed in 50 posts).
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Congrats on your 50. You are so much less obsessed with your bitterness than I am. I assume most of your stories are bitter.
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Lol!!
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Pfffft. 600. NBD. There are that many Fast and Furious movies, too you know.
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See? I haven’t accomplished much with my blog when I haven’t even done as many posts as there are F&F movies.
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Well, but 600 is a neat number. There’s all kinds of things that divide into it. I mean, 25 goes into it, and how many numbers can you say about that?
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I think 25 is divisible by 25. Other than that, not sure. I’m not good at math.
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This post doesn’t sound very bitter. What a let down. Maybe next time. Probably not though. *teehee* 😉
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Well, I guess I will have to work harder to make it sound bitter. I WILL STAY UP ALL NIGHT TO MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS!!!!!
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I like your bitter devotion!!
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The one thing you can always count on with me…I will be bitter or working on my bitterness!
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I hope this does not bitterly disappoint you or anything, but I happen to think it’s awesome. Especially 600 posts!! You make me want to be a better blogger! 😀
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I can’t help you be a better blogger, but I can help you be a bitter blogger and so that is why the Awkward awards will be so awesome. I can hopefully get people over to your site!
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I agree! The awkward awards will be awesome! I had some new ideas for graphics I started working on. I think it’s time for me to dust them off and pull them out!
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I can’t wait to see what you have! I wish I had your artistic ability!
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ARRRGGGGHHHHH X 600…that’s one very Bitter Ben!!! (Thank you for the letdown. Carry on.)
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Yeah, 600 is like the number equivelent of me. Bitter to the core.
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BWAHAHAHAHA! 😂 👍 💝 THE BEST THING I’VE SEEN TODAY! Though, my day is actually just getting started. But thank you Ben. You gave me a much needed belly laugh. I’ve not had one in far too long. I could give you a very bitter kiss for doing that. 😲😗💋
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I’m glad I could distract you from your bitter day, if only for a moment. I’m definitely going to do another Bitter News from the Couch soon. Kind of fun to do.
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Excellent! I look forward to watching it!
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Yeah!
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Zzzzzzz…
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I’m glad I could provide a quick way for you to take your morning nap at work.
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Huh? Did you say something?
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Nope, that was a bad dream you were having during your nap.
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Oh good. Now would you stop waking me up?!
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Nope. The key to bitterness in others is to wake them during naps.
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Well you are making me quite bitter. Congratulations!
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I’m finally getting to you…for the 40th time today!
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Which is why I am so super duper extra bitter…with cheese!
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That is starting to make me hungry for either a burger or a pizza. Okay its pizza.
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Burger!!!
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and pizza.
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Okay, pizza burger??
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That sounds amazing. And my gut will be bitter at me after, so even better.
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Loved it! The music had me on the edge of my seat…
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Yes, I had the hype machine working that day…
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Loved your preview, literally laughing out loud!!!
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It sure was fun to make. And the funny part is that it probably got you hyped up to watch the REAL Bitter News from the Couch, that will eventually disappoint you.
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