For some reason, there is this mythological romantic, almost magical alure that the ocean holds over people. The rhythm of the waves, the peaceful sounds of the seagulls. The majesty of being one with ocean while surfing, and the quiet of the air, the sand getting in every nook and cranny, the uncertainty of what the heck is that? that isn’t sand? The sun pounding down on you through the water straight to your pale skin, burning it to a red, irritated, lava hot crisp. The wave that drags you under choking the life out of you only to bring you back up, so it can pull you back down and torture you to within a breath once more. The disgusting taste of a fishy dish with waaaay too much salt on it. By the way, whoever is in charge of the filtering of the ocean needs to be fired. That stuff is way too salty. Let us revel in the bitterness of the ocean and all other H2O’s as we present the Bitter Water Friday Giftures.
Do you know what is better than ocean water for spills…
…trying to balance on frozen water.
Speaking of frozen…
…watch the effect as this ball freezes.
Before we get back to the bitterness of warm water…
…this is another example of how white frozen water can mess up basketball.
I nominate this guy…
…to be president of filtering the ocean water.
And this guy….
…well, he should just be taught to drink out of a bowl.
Here’s some pool etiquette for you…
…don’t break it or you just have a short waterslide.
Speaking of waterslides…
…make sure you avoid them during shark week.
Speaking of sharks…
…make sure you aren’t diving too close to them.
And if you happen to run into one…
…throw up the Batsignal, cause this guy ain’t afraid of no ghosts sharks.
Speaking of sharks that fly majestically in the air…
…look at this guy that is not a shark, flying not so majestically in the air.
And speaking of the best kind of transportation across the ocean…
…this newest form is trending.
Speaking of trending….
…there’s this new thing called surprise water soccer momming. It makes for the best reactions.
And last, speaking of things that will never happen…
Well, that was a lot of speaking of’s transitions today. So sorry you had to endure all of those. Like so so sorry. Can you feel the sorriness in my voice? Because it is so totally there. Just like I’m sure the ocean is so totally sorry for all the saltiness and the waves are so sorry they knocked you down. And like water is so totally sorry for spilling on your jeans in just the right space for someone to see you looking like you peed your pants. And like I’m so totally sorry I have to go now, because pizza.
ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH gurgle, gurgle, gurgle..
Bitter Waterlogged Ben