It’s been a Beastie Boy kind of week. I’ve been sabotaged all the way up one side and down the other. My car dashboard kept lighting up on my way to work and of course I did what you always do when you get a light. I ignored it. On Thursday, I finally asked someone to tell me what it meant and they said, “You’re supposed to fill it up with gas.” Why again? I thought cars ran on sunshine and we got a sunny day earlier in the week. Then I got in a fight with a guy named Chuck Norris, and someone told me that Chuck Norris doesn’t die, death Chuck Norrisses. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life. And one more thing, death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience. Let’s just say, I’m a little sore. And by a little sore, I mean two broken shoulders, two broken legs and worst of all, my left pinky got scratched (making this very hard to type). Anyways, next thing you know, people are going to start demanding I do some work to get my well earned no bonus this year.
At least I’m not the only hot mess today.
I mean, Iron Mike Tyson has messed up a lot of things…
…but losing to Little Mac? That must have been hard to take.
And I guess Happy Gilmore’s girlfriend…
…forgot to eat pieces of crap for breakfast.
Best way to stop a good soccer player….
…a new defensive move.
Oh my gosh, this is so gross…
….they left an sliver of onion on his burger.
Wow, cool Honda…
…can I take A CLOSER LOOK??????????
And my golf ball got dirty…
…so I decided to get rid of it. Involuntarily.
I was test driving a car this week at the dealership…
… and needed to figure out if it came with four wheel drive.
Then somehow…
…someone lost the balloons for my surprise party.
Then at the mini golf range…
…they added a few new water hazards.
Then I decided to go for a stroll…
…and ended up going swimming.
Then I couldn’t figure out directions to the lake..
…I mean, someone otter know.
And last night I was in a hurry to go…
…but my headphones weren’t quite ready.
Anyone else get a stupid light going on in their car? Or have to fight a superhuman guy named Chuck? Or forget their headphones were on? Let me know what happened in your hot mess of a week.
ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Hot Mess of Pottage Ben