Some people (ie me) can get bitter about anything. Day or night, cold or hot, east or west, Monday or Friday, April or August. It’s a talent for some of us, and something I think a lot of people really envy. I understand your jealousy, but I don’t really care. There are times of the year when more people are cheery(spring, holidays, etc) and times of the year when more people are bitter(winter, holidays). But then there is this gloriously bitter time of the year called February. It is a month so short and yet so varied that it has the ability to make anyone bitter. To confusingly paraphrase that one person that said that one thing that one time, “February can make some of the people bitter all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, and it can also make all of the people bitter all of the time.” Got it? Observe…
Valentine’s Day – Oh yes, there are people that love Valentine’s Day. Business people that run restaurants, greeting card companies, online dating websites, candy companies, jewelry companies and flowers and balloon factories. Notice I said businesses. People don’t like Valentine’s Day. Single people do not love Valentine’s. They would rather find a date when they wanna find a date, not when some stupid cupid is shooting poisonous arrows. Married people don’t like it. They would rather buy flowers when they want to surprise their spouse, not when the stupid cupid tells them they are supposed to. Babies don’t like valentines, because they would rather a cupid not dress up like them. They are also kind of bitter that the stupid cupid gets wings while they are stuck trying to learn to crawl and walk to get around. And the weapon. They baby proof the house for us, but Cupid gets to go around shooting a lethal weapon?
The weather – As an introvert who could care less about what it looks like outside when I spend a majority of the time laying on the couch on the inside, I hate talking about the weather. On the other hand, when it makes other’s bitter, I make an exception to this small talk nightmare. There’s snow in the east and north, hurricanes and volcanoes in the South and rain in the Northwest. 50 Shades of Grey isn’t a terrible movie coming out from a terrible book that some dude wrote(or is it a lady? Why all the confusing initials?), but a way to describe every day in February in Seattle.
President’s Day – It would be great if somehow, someway we celebrated President’s Day by everyone giving me some Dead President’s. I mean, it’s supposed to be all about me (the Benjamins) right? I seem to be severely lacking me’s and that isn’t okay. And though I get off on President’s Day, I pay for it severely the next day. Don’t believe me? Read my post from last year around this time.
Football – The one football game that happens in February is the Super Bowl. Some people are bitter because football is still happening and just want it to be over. Some people are bitter because the Halftime show sucked. Some are bitter because the commercials were terrible. Some are bitter because their team didn’t make it there, or didn’t win. And those few people that liked the game, loved the commercials, loved the Halftime Show, and their team actually did make it, and won, well they are bitter because what will they do to fill the void next Sunday? The answer is not the Grammy’s.
Speaking of the Grammy’s – They try to fill the large void that the Super Bowl leaves in it’s wake. The Grammy’s are kind of like me. They are trying to be as edgy and cool as the MTV Music awards, but they just look like a dad at a Daddy Daughter Dance. Trying to relive the good old days and doing the Electric Slide and thinking they are still cool, but end up breathing heavily and regretting ever trying to dance in the first place. Am I right, Madonna?
The Commercials – The Geico commercials, the Progressive Commercials, the American Family Insurance commercials, the Esurance commercials. Not sure if the insurance companies of the world are getting together to plan an organized disaster, or they just have so much money, they don’t care how much commercials cost and they are just finding new ways to waste their money. Speaking of money, that guy that keeps yelling at us that he can get our billions back in H & R Block commercials? Still waiting, Bro. My house is wide open to handle that many bills in whatever form you want to place them.
The Gym – Have you noticed how busy the gym is February? Just kidding. Like I would know what the inside of a gym looked like. I saw one in a commercial once…
I could go on about other things, like Taxes, Finals, Groundhog’s Day, wind, or is that just shortness of breath? Yep, that’s my shortness of breath. That is me, not going to the gym. Let me leave you with this thought. In Harry Potter, they have these Dark Soul things that guard the prisons in the wizarding world. Called Dementor’s. J K describes them as feeding off bad memories, but the fact of the matter is that they feed off of February.
Bitter February Ben