More than meets the Bitter Eye

Optimus_First

First time on screen transformation.

 

I know this topic is so out of date, that the fantastically bitter people of 2007 are snarling at me, but I think this topic has not had near the attention that the bitter community deserves.  (By the way, a big part of bitterness is reliving the past and all the mistakes you make. So join me on a journey to the bitter past.)  I am a long time Transfan (or Transformers Fan for long).  If you are a worshiper fan of mine on Instagram, first of all, you are one of the few and bitter (If you’re looking for a picturified version of this blog, go follow now).  But second, you would have seen that I posted a picture not long ago of a jacket or coat or whatever the kids are calling them these days, that my wife found.  It has the symbol of the Decepticons, which for the uneducated Transformer non follower is the bad guys.  My head exploded when she showed it to me, and after my wife put my head back on, I tried the jacket on and it fit.  My head exploded again and I almost immediately took a picture and sent it to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.  Needless to say, I’m a huge fan.  (Don’t worry, there’s some bitterness coming.)

Picture of the alleged jacket.

Picture of the alleged jacket.

In 2007, the Transformers were unleashed to the world in general, and to me specifically, in the form of the coolest movie ever.  What I had only dreamed of happening after the sad demise of the Transformers cartoon after 4 seasons and an animated movie in the late 80’s, was now a real live action special effected Transformers on screen.  When what his name and Megan Fox pan the camera up at a shiny blue Optimus Prime transforming to become a robot for the first time, I had a full grown fangasm.  I got the chills…okay skip all that.

Even though it made a boatload of money, and the first one did okay with the reviewers, the next three got butchered by the critics and people in general.

These are the critics.

These are the people that are writing the critic reviews.

First of all, critics get two bitter thumbs down from me. Critics think they are some action hero walking in the theater in slow motion with two buddies to their sides, with a bomb going off in the background that is going to blow up their enemy, this movie.  A lot of them claim that one of their big problems with the movie is that it is littered with what the industry calls “product placement”.  Yes, their are some real life products in the movie and guess what they aren’t always subtle.  But sometimes movies need a little extra funding to blow up all that stuff.  And by the way, critics, not sure you are the right ones to be talking.  I’m guessing that most of these wanna be filmmakers that couldn’t get a gig doing anything creative, so they turned to criticizing others creative work, probably have websites…that are funded by ads.  Also, not sure if anyone is familiar with the Super Bowl that just happened last week.  You know, everyone’s favorite sport, watched by everyone’s favorite league.  Subtle or not, that game is most famous for its commercials and it product placement everywhere that the game itself.

"I can't stand superlong movies that are just about things blowing up." Critics

“I can’t stand superlong movies that are just about things blowing up.” Critics

Some critics claim they (they like to clump every one of them into one big ball of bitterness) are terrible because they are soooo long.  Most of them were 2 1/2 hours.  Oh my gosh, how could we possibly sit through a movie that long….Yes, critics couldn’t possibly sit that long for movies with explosions like their favorites to name a few, EVERY SINGLE LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE, EVERY SINGLE HOBBIT MOVIE, Saving Private Ryan, King Kong, Harry Potter, The Dark Knight Rises, Titanic?  Yes, a movie about a boat that blows up, sinks and kills more that 3/4 of the people on the ship including its protagonist, which got thousands of academy awards, is almost an hour longer than any Transformers movie and they can’t handle how long it was.

Some claim the stories was confusing and hard to follow.  Well if they had followed the years of comics, the animated show, and previous movies, and did a little research like critics should do, maybe they would understand a little better.  And by the way, don’t tell me that movies that they have claimed are good are all completely well explained too.  Anyone ever see a little movie called Tree of Life with Brad Pitt? It was long and boring and completely incomprehensible and nominated for Best Picture in 2012.  My eyeballs were gonna spin out of their heads so much that didn’t make sense.  A couple of explosions would have at least kept me from not wanting to go to the doctors in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and erase that movie completely from my brain.

And for all you haters out there who didn’t like them, I assume you didn’t like fun when you were growing up either.  What bitter lessons can you learn than that there is more to you than meets the eye? Or you are a “Robot in Disguise”.  Or that on Fridays you should “Transform and Roll Out”.  Or that critics should shut up?

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Transformater Ben

 

 

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86 thoughts on “More than meets the Bitter Eye

  1. Well you and Mr. Gibber would get along bitterly well. I think one of the wost movies ever is “Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.” That’s a couple of hours of my life that I’ll never get back. I think we actually walked out of the movie before it was over. So..Transformers isn’t as bad as that.

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  2. Currently kicking my “Optimus Prime” lunchbox down a deserted alley…pretending it is the head of all movie critics. There is no criteria for comments making any fucking sense on your blog is there? I sure hope not.

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  3. I’ll admit I didn’t watch the cartoons or anything when I was little, but hey, I LOOOOOOVED that first Transformers movie. Like ridiculous amounts of love. I think I got myself so hyped up about the next one that disappointment was inevitable. (And I now compare all hyped-up-movie-disappointment to Transformers 2 (or did, until watching the first Hobbit movie for the first time), if that tells you how upset I was at the time.) I liked the third better than the second, but still . . . I didn’t think it was as good as the first. I haven’t seen the fourth yet, but despite that, I’m glad they got rid of ol’ LEBOOOOF. (Obviously I’m not spelling his name correctly here.) I’ll see 4 eventually.
    At the same time, you kind of can’t complain too much. The movies deliver PRECISELY what they’re supposed to. The visuals were/are pretty spectacular. (I’d imagine the CG on the first is still fantastic-looking, but I haven’t watched it in a while.) There are tons of explosions. Laughs. And the freaking robots, which are always awesome regardless of whatever other issues I might potentially have with any of the movies following the first. (I love Bumblebee, but who doesn’t?)
    I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know why people can’t/won’t let themselves enjoy ANYTHING. Husband and I agree that something doesn’t have to be THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE to be a good, enjoyable, or even great movie. Even if a movie is bad (or bad-ish), we end up saying, “It’s better than Ghost Rider 2.” (That’s what we compare every less-than-stellar movie to, which makes almost any movie look pretty freaking spectacular.)
    And really? About the length? Those movies are NOT that long. I don’t even know why people have issues with long movies. As long as you’re not in a theater, press pause and take a break. (I have to do that anyway for cigarette breaks.) It’s kind of my take on them preparing to release a bunch of Star Wars movies. I say: Milk that cash-cow for all it’s worth. That means more movies for me.
    Longer movies mean: MORE MOVIE.
    What’s to complain about there??

    Anyway, really love the jacket/hoodie/???? 🙂
    Glad to know your wife was able to fix the explosion issue you were having when she gave that to you.

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    • I love all the Transformers movies. There’s nothing that tell me that they aren’t the best. I loved all of them for many reasons. I know the second wasn’t as good, but if you remember at that time, there was a writer’s strike and nothing was as good then. In fact, the writer’s strike might have been what took down Heroes. It was a dark time in my life. Too bad I wasn’t trying to be a writer back then, cause maybe I could have been a writer on one of those shows right? We’ll never know now.

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  4. I’ve never been much of a transformer’s fan, but I do hate critics in general. Who says they should be the voice of determining whether or not a movie is good? I never pay attention to the ratings! But I do have to say, Hollywood has been going overboard with the sequels…like Transformers, Batman, Fast & Furious, etc. I feel like it just takes away from the first really good movie.

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    • I think that Marvel is definitely fueling that stuff more than ever. When you see them having films planned until 2022 and more on the way, you just feel like your summers of movies are planned out. It would be nice to have some original stuff coming out, but most people won’t watch them so they don’t put them out. It’s a classic conundrum with all media I guess. Kind of like why it is so hard for us aspiring authors to get our books published because the public doesn’t want to try anything new.

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    • Thanks. I remember when thinking about this post, how much it would be about the Transformers and how they did get the respect they deserved, but it ended up being more about critics. Anyways, critics make me bitter so I’m okay that it turned out it was about them.

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    • I have quite a beef with critics. They seem to be operating on a different plane where everything has to make perfect sense and be completely obtuse in order to get a high rating. Either that or some money in their pockets. In which case I would completely sell out and say that Tree of Life made sense somehow.

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  5. Bitter Ben I share your bitterness on this particular topic! Growing up with three older brothers, Transformers was a defining era of my childhood. They had comic books, toys, clothing and we religiously watched the cartoon. The concept of robots transforming into a car, truck, plane – simply mind-blowing. “BOOM!” I thought the movies were done well too! I sat in awe of the technology that brought Optimums Prime to life and silently wiped a tear away from my cheek, in remembrance of my childhood that has long passed by. Perhaps those critics were just exercising their right to be bitter. I feel terrible for them, they were raised without knowledge of the full potential a robot can achieve. When the world is threatened by Decepticons, those critics will be sorry when their vehicles to transform into an Autobot they way ours will. My Expedition is patiently waiting, unnoticed and patiently waiting to protect me from the unknown forces. I know this to be true! 🙂

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    • Transformers were the toy of my childhood and lots of others came along trying to steal the spotlight. I remember when the internet was in its youth, and I was just learning about websites and stuff, I searched for Transformers and found out there were all kinds of people that were still collecting them, selling them and there is even a convention every year called Botcon and I was so jealous, because I wanted to go so bad, but could never find the time. Maybe someday I’ll go and take my son.

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      • I’m getting CGI fatigue. It’s a positive joy to watch any new film that doesn’t feature idiotic amounts of green screen wizardry.
        And, with a six year old daughter, I’m getting really really fed up with the plastic, soulless, virtual look of CGI cartoons. Doesn’t anyone make proper animation anymore?

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        • After watching kids shows with their crappy CGI, it’s nice to appreciate some that are actually done well. Though, it would be nice if Hollywood could make movies without depending on them so much instead of writing a good story. Though if they want a poorly written script, I’m always available for that.

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