Black Friday Giftures


For your Black Friday Funny Bitterness Gifture pleasure. Not really.

For your Black Friday Funny Bitterness Gifture pleasure. Not really.


It’s Black Friday and nothing says Black Friday like greed.  Black hearted rage, mixed with savings only 6 people will actually ever get, combined with angry, crazy people in a race for pole position for a chance at a ticket that may or may not get you into the room of a store that allows you to pay slightly less money for something you may or may not ever want and something for sure will never be appreciated as much as it should be for the trouble you had to go through to get it.  It’s the bitterest day of the year for the amount of disappointment you will get.  Either you go to the store and don’t get what you want, or you don’t go to the store and still don’t get what you want and you football team loses.  Even if your team wins, your fantasy team lost.  Or you get lost in the pass that you were supposed to drive through.  Or you’re so stuffed full of stuffed turkey, that you will get stuffed on your way to dunk one on LeBron(like that would ever happen on any other day other than Thanksgiving).

First thing you wanna do is….

...brush your hair right after you fall out of bed.

…brush your hair right after you fall out of bed.





…you wanna scare up some friends.


Then, make sure… get your fighting pants on.

…you get your fighting pants on.


Now, when you get the chance…


…build up your strength.

When you get to your first destination…

you'll need some distractions.

…you’ll need some distractions.

Sometimes a good way to get in…


…is to create a good disguise. 


Another distraction…

...or try to blame

…would be to try to blame this on another person.


Be ready for anything…


...make sure there is no fainting.

…there may be fainting involved.


Be careful…

slight overreaction when people don't get what they want.

…as there might be slight overreaction when people don’t get what they want.


There might be also be a rager coming on if you don’t get…

what you want...

…what YOU want.



...don't go crazy...

…don’t go crazy…


Because at the end…


…if you stay at home, you may get precisely what you wanted.


My suggestion? Send your family member or loved one with a camera and watch the highlights from the sidelines.  Then you can fast forward to the good parts, rewind and watch them again or just make up your own highlights and bloopers reel.


Make sure you check out all the Funny Business that is going on all over WordPress today…


The other Funny Blog Friday bloggers: VISIT THEM!!  (And if you love us, tweet using hashtags #FBF and #FunnyBlogFriday)

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

Jessie of Jessie Reyna

HE Ellis of HE Ellis

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Alice of Alice At Wonderland

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JCS Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up Here

Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

Arthur from Pouring My Art Out

Gina of Endearingly Wacko



Bitter Black Friday Ben


18 thoughts on “Black Friday Giftures

  1. I went out shopping for the very first time ever on black friday this year, and I was extremely disappointed. No sales to speak of, no hoardes of people, nobody killing each other over fake sales, or “The” toy. I was disappointed. I wanted carnage. At least a little bloodshed.


    • I think the stores are shooting themselves in the hype foot, by doing sales on Thanksgiving. The riots aren’t happening anymore because people are either being bitter at home by online shopping or going early on Thanksgiving, so by Friday, everyone already has their bitter stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know how people even go out considering most of us are probably hungover. On the bright side, the Eagles won yesterday so I’ll be happy at least until they play next


    • That is the thing about sports. We are only happy when they win. As soon as they lose we get pissed and don’t want to talk to them again until they win. Even my basketball team, the San Antonio Spurs, won the title this year, but they lost a number of games and all those pissed me off. I’ve yet to see a team that has won every game they played.


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