Cluster luck Friday Giftures

My life is a running disaster.  Not in the traditional sense of lightning bolts coming down from the sky, hurricanes lifting my house all the way to Oz, or Spokane, floods overflowing the water table in my basement, or molten lava coming down from an angry volcano.  It’s more like a light bulb goes out and I have to change it, my electric toothbrush runs a little too fast, the water on the bathroom floor gets my socks a little wet, or pizza burns the roof of my mouth.  You know, like real disasters.  In light of the constant disasters in my life, I present you with Cluster Luck Friday Giftures:

 

I hate it when there is no doorbell…

 

I hate it w

…it hurts my knuckles to knock.

 

It is such a disaster….

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…when I sleep a little too long and I feel groggy.

 

It’s always such a disaster…

 

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…when I get such cheaply made alarm clocks that they fall apart at the lightest touch.

 

One time when I was trying to watch a video on my phone….

…and there was only 4G and it started buffering. So inconvenient…

 

One time I was standing…

 

and all of a sudden, I wasn't.

…and then, all of a sudden, I wasn’t.

 

Then there was this other time that I was on a surfboard…

 

...and then I wasn't.

...and then I wasn’t.

 

Then there was that one time at the grocery store…

 

 

...when they were trying to cart me out.

…in the fall when they were trying to cart me out.

 

 

Then there was that time when I got a ticket…

...for being a baller.

...for being a wreckless baller.

 

There was the disaster one time…

 

 

...I found a hair in my cookie.

… when I found a hair in my cookie.

 

One time it was sunny…

...when I got sun in my eyes.

…and I forgot my sunglasses.

 

Then one time I ran over a kid’s airplane.

 

I was so mad at him for getting debris in my tires.

I was so mad at him for getting debris in my tires. Kids….

 

Then one time I asked my buddies for help to pop a huge ball…

 

...they couldn't even do that right.

…and they couldn’t even do that right.

 

Then I was trying to ask a guy on the street for directions…

…and the dude totally ruined my windshield. Walked away and didn’t even offer to pay. (Good thing I recorded it.)

 

 

I’ve heard a rumor that someday something good will happen to me. Don’t believe it.  Rumors are never true…Except that one time that wasn’t me.

Have a Cluster Lucky Bitter Friday.

ARRRRGGGGHHHH

Bitter FridayCluster Ben

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42 thoughts on “Cluster luck Friday Giftures

  1. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you needed more things to add to your busy life | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. If you’re cursing because you have bad luck, inhale Helium. It’ll make you sound like an annoyed Munchkin. The result will be fun for the whole family. It’s karmic that you inhale a gas that makes balloons go high in the air to make your voice higher-pitched. One of those annoying things about reality that you think of at three in the morning while attempting to degauss your magnetic personality.

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  3. That’s what he gets for trying to have fun with a grocery shopping cart. There is no fun. Loser. And if you don’t want your toys destroyed, don’t set them down in a public street where the cars go. Towheaded loser.

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  4. i’ll tell you what’s even worse : when you are too short to change the light bulb & every time i eat pizza , i not only burn my mouth, but then it turns into an ulcer & hurts for 10 days.
    i hate doorbells , unlike you , & i will climb on a chair to unscrew them.

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    • So bitter that I had to work and you got to stay home. You’d think a country that was formed on the ideals of free religion would allow us to take one of the biggest religious holidays off. Nope we go the opposite direction.

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