Losing is a way of life for a bitter person. From the very start I found a way to turn almost sure wins into bitter defeats. Before my arms were able to do anything but move around spastically like a Saturday Morning Cartoon, my mom would pretend to feed me stuff that looked like pudding, but ended up being peas or squash flavored baby food. Then I won the lottery of great places to live in the U.S. when I was born in California. We then moved to a suburb of NYC when I was 6. Not bad either. Some would say even better. Then, just when I thought I would move to the third best city in the US, (Chicago, Miami, Sochi? oh wait..) we moved to the biggest city in all the land…of South Dakota. Luckily I was able to stay there in the bitter cold winters, the farm scented land and the wonderfully enchanting conversations about the weather until I graduated high school. As a bitter loser and winner, I discourage you to follow your dreams. Here are some really great gifs to encourage you to get this () close to winning and then let victory be snatched from your grasps.
Start your day with a little discouragement…
you get what you deserve…
Fail at even things you were supposed to do wrong…
I’m gonna score a basket for the other team…No! I missed it. Dang it, teammates!
Get your toilet paper stolen….
Your wife is gonna be mad if you don’t bring some home…and change the roll.
Blow on a dandelion for good luck…
Hope those don’t grow stuff in your stomach…
Lose in the debut of Ice Biking in the Winter Olympics…
She forgot to use the stay at home by the fire technique.
Lose on game point…
by the 13th oldest trick in the book…
Burn your house down…
…because you forgot to turn off the stove…
Jump out of your window for the great escape…
only to break your legs..
Get upstaged in your dancing debut…
…only to debut your bitter face…
You’re going to win an Olympic medal. All you have to do is…
land this one! uhhhh…..
Soccer…
…not sock her..or him.
Going grocery shopping….
…no way there could be bad memories here…With great power comes great ricesponsibility..
My suggestion? (I know, nobody likes them.) Get out there and get your hopes up. Really high. That way when you fail you will be that much more miserable and bitter. Be a loser, like me!
Bitter Loser Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
On the bright side (your favorite) – now you have this cool blog to tell everyone how miserable you are. 🙂
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It all started at work, so why not have it come around to how bitter it made me that day. And most every day.
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Love the Olympic one. I swear that when I watch events with baited breath where a Canadian is touted to take the medal and the announcers go on about how the person will medal, it’s the curse of death. The athlete Dq’s or Dnf’s and 4 years of hard work is gone. It’s the announcer’s malukey!
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Hey you sure showed the American’s in Hockey. I would be bitter if I cared at all about the Olympics or hockey.
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Of course you would! 🙂
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You guys have nothing to be bitter about right? Unless you didn’t win the curling.
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Lol. I”m not bitter but humble.
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So did you win the curling?
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Of course, we won gold medals in men’s and women’s, I am bitterly humble 🙂
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We’re not so good at winter sports here. Especially in Arizona.
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lmaoooooooooo
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My hopes are raised. Then dashed. Everyday. The Olympics just make it that much more piquant. I feel like Spider Man in the grocery store but for no reason. Why should I care?
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I try not to care about the Olympics. I pretty much don’t do anything in the winter, like go outside, so why would I care about other things that happen outside?
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You have a point there. I try not to care about the Olympics and then realize there’s no more football (bitterness) and have been relegated to watching curling. (super bitterness)
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Having to watch the winter Olympics was a bitter pill to swallow for two weeks.
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I am getting pretty bitter about “judge metal” lyrics. It’s not just metal — country music is about number one in judge metal lyrics. I don’t want to say, “If you can’t find something nice to sing about someone, DON’T sing it at all…” let he who is without sin cast the first stone and sing the first judge metal song. There are other facets of this furnomenon: morning radio. Irk. Mouth Rushless Limbaugh. Of course, if I keep going on like this, I am practically doing some of the things these “artists” do. Rushuglican — if I listened to all that stuff, I’d HEAR it, and that would presuppose I would actually devote TIME to thinking about it. I must say that thinking this kind of thing is going on out there makes the rum ratio to rum and Coke in some people’s shot glasses at night higher. I thought I saw Rush starring in a porn video back in the 70s.
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What is judge metal again?
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Your bitterness brightens my day Ben. See another fail.
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Failing is my forte. I’m just so used to it.
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god, i love the ping pong one. and spidey needs a hug.
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That is a bitter spidey right there. Hopefully MJ will be a home to console him.
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I feel awful that the man with no legs was my favourite.. and the fact i laughed out loud at him.
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He feels even worse. At least he is able to use it to scare people zombie style.
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That dandelion gif! Poor unsuspecting girl, I bet that dandelion left a very bitter taste in her mouth, alongside a furious distrust of all people. I think I’ve learned something today. Never trust dandelions.
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I’ve learned to not trust anything, but dandelions are the worst. Always spreading their bitterness everywhere.
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great, enjoyed them.
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Thanks once again for making me look like an idiot while I laugh out loud in my cubicle.
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Now that is something I excel at. My wife is always angry at me for making her look bad.
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So the one with the amputee may haunt me forever, because there’s a legless (probably not the appropriate term) homeless man I pass every day, and he’s kind of scary. If he was chasing me in the grocery store, I’d probably need to rip open that toilet paper and use it right then and there, if you know what I mean.
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It would be a lot better if that guy was bitter. Hopefully he is, considering.
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that’s so beautiful :”wonderfully enchanting conversations about the weather”.i didn’t know there was such a thing.
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There isn’t. I was being bitterly sarcastic.
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i knew you were, but i wasn’t 99& ..never heard an enchanting weather conversation, but i lived it once in april i think in the fog at the sea
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That is why I don’t ever talk weather, or anything else for that matter.
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when your brother -in-law is a meteorologist you have to…no you don’t, he hardly ever does..once when i was 12 , he made me get out of the pool- so no sun burn..they lived in west palm beach..that was all the weather talk.
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I got sunburned really bad once.
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once..do do it again use 50
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I try to.
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huh. forgot , but it looks like i was singing diana crawl.just do it again
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no diana crawl.
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not even : hiit that jive jack put it in you pocket til i get back? going downtown to see a man & i ain’t got time to shake your hand?
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Is she jazz? Then I don’t know her.
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she is jazz & you should know her.she’s married to some guy named elvis costello- not jazz.. i had to look up his name.lol
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Who is Elvis Costello? The king of rock?
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it’s possible he is, while the king of scotland is your twin brother.
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I thought he was black.
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lol. no your twin well you can see his picture if you want me to tell you..drake the jewish rapper is black.
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Yeah, where is a picture of my twin?
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last 2 pages raechel ,every comment easly find
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don’t someone took my n’t
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I like that girl’s bitter face as she does her best Pulp Fiction dance. If she smokes, her lips will dry up and wither like that in a few years, and she will have to plump them with filler and get Trout Face, which will maker her bitterer. Mo’ bitter? Bitterest! Oh, you should set up a pinterest site called bitterest, where you can only post bitter things, like lemon recipes and the presidential election results.
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I think may actually do that with my Pinterest sight. I haven’t done much with it, so I may get more going on that.
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LOL is it wrong my favorite is the guy with no arm and no leg? I literally couldn’t stop laughing. i’m going to hell.
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I wonder if it was just special effects. That would just make it funnier though. I guess I will be joining you down there.
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Hey I’m already here. I see your reservations. Bring a water bottle.
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I’ve got ongoing reservations at the Bitter Hotel.
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I prefer to be neither pessimistic or optimistic.
http://www.awordofsubstance.wordpress.com
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I prefer bitter always.
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Love this (unless you were expecting failure, in which case I hate it).
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I expect failure and always achieve it eventually.
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