I was reading the Internet yesterday (I will review this interesting novel when I finish it, I.E. never) and I got to the part where they were reviewing Colleges in the US News and World Report. According to the article there was a huge upset of Harvard by a small private college named Princeton. Seems Harvard has been losing students to things like Facebook (I guess this kid Zuckerberg was on it too much or something?) and this other guy Billy Gates was staring out the Windows constantly and just quit early to play computer games or something? I think if they didn’t make it so hard, then maybe people could have a little fun every once in a while and not want to leave. I perused the list for my college Utah Valley University, and I found it right up next to…I didn’t find it. It was unranked. I’m not sure what criteria they use to rank these schools, but whatever it is, I think they are way off. In fact, in the 8 years I went there, not once did I ever see a U.S. News and World Report guy or girl reporter roaming the halls.
I never saw them walk our hall of international flags, that included up to 6 other countries, or eat some of our famous, stale, day old breaded sandwiches, or drink one of our vintage New Formula Cokes from our award losing cafeteria. They never sat in our multi-functional library (books and cassette tapes!) with the dozen or so students scattered about the library reading the classics of literature called “Entertainment Weekly” and “Mad Magazine”. How could they possibly rank us as unranked if they have never even visited? I’m am shocked and embittered.
How could they rank Harvard and Princeton so high on the list when all they ever do is assign homework and make their kids study? If I wanted more homework to do, I would have stayed in high school. College should be the greatest 8 years of your life and they want you to spend it studying books? All that has ever done for them is get them jobs as CEO’s and accountants and financial wizards making millions of dollars. So after years of work in high school, they want to go to college to do more years of work, just so they can get a job that requires that they do years more of work. Sounds like a lot of work.
On the other hand, my college wasn’t perfect either. They tried to interupt all the fun I was supposed to be having, by asking me to show up at classes and assigning me to do work (I mean, what am I paying them for?). Don’t worry though, I ignored them and that made the 8 years go by much faster. The bothersome thing is that they kept sending me this cryptic and completely unncessary piece of mail after classes ended every four months (like it would make up for all the money I kept sending them?). They would list the classes that I avoided and then put these letters between C and F. I always wondered what the cryptic message was, but never really cared enough to find out. Though I did wonder why they never used “A”, “B” and “E” if they were trying to teach me the top half of the alphabet. Well, whatever. I’m just glad I didn’t have to go to one of those fancy top 15,000,000 colleges that made you figure out stuff.
Sure I’m bitter that my college was unranked in the US News and World Report (can they make up their minds on which one they want to cover?) but let’s just look at the results. I am just as unhappy at my job as all those Harvard Graduates are, but at least I don’t have to work 60-100 hours a week like they do. And as fancy as their couch might be, mine is probably more comfortable because I get to lay on it more often.
Bitterly Educated Ben