U.S. News and World Report Top US Colleges Bitterness

Look at all the partying going on at #1. Princeton.  So jealous.

Look at all the partying going on at #1. Princeton. So jealous.

I was reading the Internet yesterday (I will review this interesting novel when I finish it, I.E. never) and I got to the part where they were reviewing Colleges in the US News and World Report.  According to the article there was a huge upset of Harvard by a small private college named Princeton. Seems Harvard has been losing students to things like Facebook (I guess this kid Zuckerberg was on it too much or something?) and this other guy Billy Gates was staring out the Windows constantly and just quit early to play computer games or something?  I think if they didn’t make it so hard, then maybe people could have a little fun every once in a while and not want to leave.  I perused the list for my college Utah Valley University, and I found it right up next to…I didn’t find it.  It was unranked.  I’m not sure what criteria they use to rank these schools, but whatever it is, I think they are way off.  In fact, in the 8 years I went there, not once did I ever see a U.S. News and World Report guy or girl reporter roaming the halls.

Never once did I see this "undercover" US News and World Report reporter on my campus.

Never once did I see this “undercover” US News and World Report reporter on my campus.

I never saw them walk our hall of international flags, that included up to 6 other countries, or eat some of our famous, stale, day old breaded sandwiches, or drink one of our vintage New Formula Cokes from our award losing cafeteria.  They never sat in our multi-functional library (books and cassette tapes!) with the dozen or so students scattered about the library reading the classics of literature called “Entertainment Weekly” and “Mad Magazine”.  How could they possibly rank us as unranked if they have never even visited?  I’m am shocked and embittered.

How could they rank Harvard and Princeton so high on the list when all they ever do is assign homework and make their kids study?  If I wanted more homework to do, I would have stayed in high school. College should be the greatest 8 years of your life and they want you to spend it studying books?  All that has ever done for them is get them jobs as CEO’s and accountants and financial wizards making millions of dollars. So after years of work in high school, they want to go to college to do more years of work, just so they can get a job that requires that they do years more of work.  Sounds like a lot of work.

Never could figure out why they kept sending this thing to me after every semester.  Oh look this one got to use the "B".  Cool!

Never could figure out why they kept sending this thing to me after every semester. Oh look this one got to use the “B”. Cool!

On the other hand, my college wasn’t perfect either.  They tried to interupt all the fun I was supposed to be having, by asking me to show up at classes and assigning me to do work (I mean, what am I paying them for?).   Don’t worry though, I ignored them and that made the 8 years go by much faster.  The bothersome thing is that they kept sending me this cryptic and completely unncessary piece of mail after classes ended every four months (like it would make up for all the money I kept sending them?).  They would list the classes that I avoided and then put these letters between C and F.  I always wondered what the cryptic message was, but never really cared enough to find out.   Though I did wonder why they never used “A”, “B” and “E” if they were trying to teach me the top half of the alphabet.  Well, whatever.  I’m just glad I didn’t have to go to one of those fancy top 15,000,000 colleges that made you figure out stuff.

Sure I’m bitter that my college was unranked in the US News and World Report (can they make up their minds on which one they want to cover?) but let’s just look at the results.  I am just as unhappy at my job as all those Harvard Graduates are, but at least I don’t have to work 60-100 hours a week like they do.  And as fancy as their couch might be, mine is probably more comfortable because I get to lay on it more often.


Bitterly Educated Ben


64 thoughts on “U.S. News and World Report Top US Colleges Bitterness

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  3. Yes! Therein lies the so-called “rub”. We can all be JUST as bitter as people who studied at Princeton, Harvard, Yale, or even Cornell. Great, isn’t it?


  4. So this article came up in my WordPress reader, and that was the moment I realized that this is my favorite blog that I follow. This is problematic for me–feeling happiness instead of sheer bitterness. Plus it’s kind of a double whammy since heretofore I was my favorite everything.

    Like I tried to follow my own blog and comment about how fabulous I am like, “Oh JJ, you are the best thing in the world,” but the people who made the movie Time Cop with Jean Claude Van Damme showed up and said something about matter occupying the same space. So I had to decide between reigning as the self-appointed queen of the universe and obeying the laws of physics. That made me really bitter because I loves me some me, but I also loves me some physics.

    I’m back to normal now, in case you were wondering, which you’re probably not. But I don’t care anyway. So I guess with the inner turmoil and everything all in all it’s a pretty good bitter day.

    I don’t agree with you that college is the best eight years of one’s life. I think high school is. You can get meningitis from dorm rooms or lots of people or from something or other. I didn’t really listen to that speech from the doctor. I was bemoaning the fact that I got a grape lollipop after my visit instead of the orange one.


    • Sounds like you are pretty conflicted, which I understand because I also don’t like to feel happiness either. My feelings tend to lean toward the bitter and reading blogs like yours which make me laugh cause me a lot of bitterness. So thanks a lot for that.
      High school was bar none the most bitter time of my life, so I guess we can agree to disagree on that. Or we can rage a bitter battle about it. Either way I’m good.


  5. You should have gone to art college like me, BB. It’s more like a four-year extension of adolescence. And nobody can flunk you, because obviously you meant to do that and nobody else understands your genius.


  6. You’ve got to consider the source. When’s the last time you read that magazine? Last year at this time? If they knew what were talking about you’d read them and they’d use realistic standards.


  7. Oh you poor thing. I’m sorry your University didn’t get the recognition it didn’t deserve lol But isn’t it better your Uni was world famous in Utah and not be one of those annoying ones populated with prissys and prigs with like good food and stuff. After all, they won’t have the Old Coke that taste better than Canned Coke and the Dry Sandwiches that won’t make you fat becaue you can’t eat them and that is not something you want getting out. You get to be unique and that is better than being popular I think. Besides which, Harvard and Princeton don’t have your College Memories and Experiences. That in it self makes your Uni far better, because it was yours. (and your parents aren’t still paying for Harvard lol)


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