Yesterday when I was giving our ditch a haircut and experiencing this weird sensation called pain(I’m never going to do this work thing again), I realized I was going to eventually kick the bucket(the stupid bucket keeps appearing in our yard somehow and I’m pretty clumsy). I’ve heard of a thing called a Bucket List in which people list things they want to do before kicking the bucket. I have decided to do my own. Here is a list of bitter things I want to do before I injure my toe slightly.
-I will eat some bitter breakfast. Perhaps some thistles, a nice cabbage and a chard on the side. Hey, a dude has to eat.
Play video games for 34 hours and 13 minutes straight.
– Jump off the top of the 7,430,003,093rd largest building in the world. My clothes drawer. Arghhh my ankle.
– Learn the meanings of some English words, like the, it and and. Also discover what sweet means.
– Annoy everyone in the world. I’m almost done.
– Cause a bitter feud between DC and Marvel Comics Fans.
– Get crumbs in someone’s laptop without laughing at them.
– Egg someone’s house with toilet paper.
– Go back in time for like a whole hour.
– Discover the Fortress of Solitude, Atlantis, Mt. Olympus, a good sandwich at Subway, the Loch Ness Monster, and Bigfoot. The difference being that all those are possible except the good Subway Sandwich.
– Spray lemon-scented Pledge on someone’s cut.
– Take over a Pirated DVD ship.
– Adopt a baby iced breathing dragon and raise it to cause an ice age in Alaska, Northern Canada and the North Pole.
– Follow a bitter bricked road until I get tired.
– Run 50 feet while breathing really heavily.
– Learn to say bitter in two languages.
– Step on a Lego in the middle of the night.
– Start a Spider Farm for Arachnophobes and Ron Weasley.
– Invent a temperature between burning your flesh off warm and icicles under the fingernails cool.
– Change the water in all oceans from saltwater to bitterwater.
– Go to Arizona and fill in the big hole with cement(the Great Canyon or something), and go to South Dakota and change Mt. In-a-hurrymore to the Four Facebooks of Bitterness.
– Listen intently to crying or whining babies.
– Have an overnight dinner party with ghosts and really sensitive, uptight people.
– Open my eyes while sneezing.
This seems like a long list of things that I need to do before tomorrow because I predict that I will kick the bucket and I will be really bitter at my stubbed toe. As you know I am really ambitious when it comes to nothing. So I can’t wait to see how few of these come to fruition. Bitter fruition.
Bitter Bucket Ben
- Who needs a bucket list….and does it come with a scrub brush? (lifetaketwo.com)
- Picasso Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Awareness Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Kickstarter Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)