See the helmet? I didn’t wear one of those. See all those weeds he is whacking? I only did a few. See how determined he looks? That is how bitter I was.
Yesterday when I was giving our ditch a haircut and experiencing this weird sensation called pain(I’m never going to do this work thing again), I realized I was going to eventually kick the bucket(the stupid bucket keeps appearing in our yard somehow and I’m pretty clumsy). I’ve heard of a thing called a Bucket List in which people list things they want to do before kicking the bucket. I have decided to do my own. Here is a list of bitter things I want to do before I injure my toe slightly.
-I will eat some bitter breakfast. Perhaps some thistles, a nice cabbage and a chard on the side. Hey, a dude has to eat.
– Play video games for 34 hours and 13 minutes straight.
– Jump off the top of the 7,430,003,093rd largest building in the world. My clothes drawer. Arghhh my ankle.
– Learn the meanings of some English words, like the, it and and. Also discover what sweet means.
– Annoy everyone in the world. I’m almost done.
With all the Bitter Battling and Feuding going on between these two factions, I declare a winner: Bitterness.
– Cause a bitter feud between DC and Marvel Comics Fans.
– Get crumbs in someone’s laptop without laughing at them.
– Egg someone’s house with toilet paper.
– Go back in time for like a whole hour.
– Discover the Fortress of Solitude, Atlantis, Mt. Olympus, a good sandwich at Subway, the Loch Ness Monster, and Bigfoot. The difference being that all those are possible except the good Subway Sandwich.
Still more of a possibility of discovering than finding a good Subway Sandwich.
– Spray lemon-scented Pledge on someone’s cut.
– Take over a Pirated DVD ship.
– Adopt a baby iced breathing dragon and raise it to cause an ice age in Alaska, Northern Canada and the North Pole.
– Follow a bitter bricked road until I get tired.
Me after running 50 feet. I turn black and white.
– Run 50 feet while breathing really heavily.
– Learn to say bitter in two languages.
– Step on a Lego in the middle of the night.
– Start a Spider Farm for Arachnophobes and Ron Weasley.
Run in terror Ron Weasley and other Arachnophobes.
– Invent a temperature between burning your flesh off warm and icicles under the fingernails cool.
– Change the water in all oceans from saltwater to bitterwater.
– Go to Arizona and fill in the big hole with cement(the Great Canyon or something), and go to South Dakota and change Mt. In-a-hurrymore to the Four Facebooks of Bitterness.
Need to fill this sucker up with some cement. Don’t want to have a big hole in Arizona.
– Listen intently to crying or whining babies.
– Have an overnight dinner party with ghosts and really sensitive, uptight people.
– Open my eyes while sneezing.
This seems like a long list of things that I need to do before tomorrow because I predict that I will kick the bucket and I will be really bitter at my stubbed toe. As you know I am really ambitious when it comes to nothing. So I can’t wait to see how few of these come to fruition. Bitter fruition.
Arrrgghhh
Bitter Bucket Ben
Related articles
- Who needs a bucket list….and does it come with a scrub brush? (lifetaketwo.com)
- Picasso Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Awareness Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Kickstarter Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Pingback: The Bitter End…of the Year | Ben's Bitter Blog
Ron Weasley WAS an arachnaphobe….SOMEONE saw all the Harry Imposter Movies. Busted !
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Hey! The sneezing one is mine. Stealer.
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You can have it back. I don’t really care about that anymore.
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My honey stepped on one of those little round ham-bones found in a ham steak, strategically placed by our dog after chewing off all the clinging meat. This happened about two years ago, and he is still bitter.
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I like a person that holds a grudge like that. Makes a bitter man proud.
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I love this list! I’m also glad I was able to provide some bucket list inspiration! 🙂
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I didn’t come up with 161 but I could given a few days.
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Hi! You’ve got an award! http://syl101.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/very-inspiring-blogger-award-2/
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I believe you are the one that got the award, but thanks for telling me about one that I didn’t get.
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I nominated you for one, maybe you didn’t read it right, or im an idiot and sent you the wrong link in the comment
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I got a link to the one that nominated you. But I was the idiot who clicked on the link.
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Lol, because it should have worked, and you could see on my newest post that your blog is on the list
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Oh so I was right? That makes me bitter. I should never be right.
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Well, you’re wrong and right. I get an award, you get an award. Or key to the city batman lover. Lol
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Well I bitterly accept your award and hope that I can find it this time.
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I bitterly hope you can
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I found it because I decided to look for it on my own instead of following some bitterlink.
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lol, whatever works.
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I don’t like to work, but I do it for my bitter followers…and so I have something to be bitter about.
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I would rather sit at home as well. Since going most places makes me bitter and hostile, because there are so many inconsiderate d bags.
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Most of those people are me. By the way, I noticed that you had a post about being more upbeat in recent years. Sorry you turned to the light side.
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Lol, well I worked in a kitchen to make matters worse. They were all afraid of me, I was basically she hulk. I’m still anti social
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Yeah me too. I can’t stand other people. I like my family, but I could still be perfectly happy not talking to at a family function. I despise small talk.
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I agree! Like when I’m getting my hair cut, and the lady feels the need to chat with me, and I don’t say much hoping she will stop. I know they are just being nice, but it comes off as forced or fake, which I don’t like.
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I feel bad for you because women haircuts take a long time. Mine usually takes about 15 minutes and the pain of taking to others is quick.
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yup, i’m there for almost an hour. Doesn’t stop there though, I get that at the grocery store too. I must look like I want to talk to people or something. I guess I am not using my bitch face enough
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You need to practice your Bitter Face. That is the key to successfully avoiding all people.
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When I read this, all I could imagine was what my face looks like after I eat lemon. I think that would just be scary.
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Perfect. Eat a lemon go to the grocery store. Look bitter the whole time, enjoy not being talked to by anyone. Isn’t that what we all want? To not have any communication with each other?
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But I would be laughing and bitter looking at the same time, because I know what my face looks like when I do that. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, god, so passive aggressive about it lol
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Passive aggressive is my favorite tool to annoy people. I even have the passive aggressive daily calendar because I love it so much. I think it would be pretty awesome to see you walking around the grocery store like that.
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I do have to stop at walmart after work, maybe I will give it a shot. Muah ha ha ha
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Walmart is the perfect to show a bitter face. Bitter times!
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That is Walt from Breaking Bad! I didn’t know that he was moving his methlab to some backwater woods in Georgia–that’s awesome, now the show can go on for another 5 seasons! What’s that you say? I’m mistaken? Great…now I’m bitter…
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Just make sure that your sons aren’t getting any ideas from Walt from Breaking Bad. You are twisting them up!
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I think Jesse is a better role model anyway…
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I don’t know Jesse. Is he bitter?
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Ohhh yeah! He’s bitter, alright!
Do you not watch the show? If not, then this coming Saturday where you lay around all day in front of the t.v. ignoring your family, you should do a Breaking Bad marathon.
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That’s what I keep getting told from others. I have two guys that I game with that love that show and tell me about it all the time. You should know this about me. I do things in my own time. I listen when I feel like it and I may or may not ever watch this show. Deal.
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Greg? Is that you?
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Yes it me. Bitter Ben. I have used an assumed name and have been blogging for a year and 4 months and you had no idea. Sucker!
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lol..well, then! Happy Birthday!
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Yeah, a bitter birthday extravaganza. What did you get me?
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This list is fascinating. If you get it down, you can be bitter in prison.
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Prison sounds like a good inspiration for bitterness.
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You haven’t lived until you step on a lego. Did you not have those as a kid or something? Your parents must have been starting you on the bitter path from a young age…
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My brother did the Lego thing when I was young. I tried to put them together put they were too complicated. How do you stick one to the other? Boring. I want my toys to be already assembled thank you.
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“Bitter, party of one?”
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Yes, my parties of one are quite bitter and ranty. No one seems to listen to me at them.
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I think your ambition has now exceeded your bitterness. Also that thistle diet sounds ilke something Eeyore would eat, and Eeyore is always bitter, so that is nice consistency. Bitter is “amargo” in Spanish and “amer” in French. Maybe that is why the French are so bitter to Americans?? Je deplore the snitty French!
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Eeyore is bitter, but not an ambitious bitter like me. He is a lazy bitter, but not as lazy as me. He is only a mediocrely bitter dude. In fact, he isn’t even humanly bitter like me.
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That’s a long list, lol. I especially like the part about the feud between marvel and dc fans. We know where I stand. 🙂
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I marvel at your love of DC. I can’t believe how much you love them.
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They aren’t terrible, but if I had to pick a side, the more awesome side, I’d be marvel. And I see what you did there.
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I’m glad you see what I did there. What did I do there? Did I make you bitter?
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just a little, well, not quite yet actually. Have to try harder I guess
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You have to try harder or me? I’ve got to go lay on the couch. I’m really tired.
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lol, you have to try harder if you want to make me bitter. I don’t have a reason to be bitter towards you other than you get to lay on the couch and I have to work.
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That is just what I wish I was doing. I really need to get a couch for my cubicle so I rest during this exhaustingly bitter day.
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lol, I have a nice leather couch right in front of my desk, and my bosses are gone for the week. So I guess it’s not too bad for me.
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You didn’t have to work very hard to make me bitter right there. I want my bosses to be gone all the time.
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my bosses are awesome, but it’s pretty quiet here, and I like that. glad I could help.
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Why does everyone else in the world get a better boss than me? My favorite days of work is when they are gone.
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You forgot to add that you want to climb Mt. Everest and plant bitterroot at the top of it, then be bitter because it won’t grow. Your list makes mission impossible look like a kids game–except for running 50 feet and TP’ing someone’s home. You have a home, but you might not have a wife after you’ve defiled it with raw egg.
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Climbing Mt. Everest sounds exhausting. If I can barely make it 50 feet, how do you expect me to climb a freaking mountain? I am all about making the easily possible impossible.
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Wow, that weed whacker almost looks like Walt from Breaking Bad….there were a lot of your bucket list items which would create bitterness – but my fave is the bitter breakfast. Yow. You hit that one right on the head!
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I am pretty good at hitting things on the head, especially myself.
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