I broke from tradition on the 4th of July and moved outside of my house to do something. We spent some time with some weird people (I think my wife called them family) and did activities. Activities are those things that require you talk to people and move around and work your muscles a bit. We did this thing called canoeing, where you place this long canoe-like thing in the water and you take these things called paddles and move them in some random way to get you into the middle of a lake and then back where you started. Seemed a little pointless to me, because eventually at the end of the day I ended up in my bed sleeping like I should have the entire day in the first place.
It got me thinking though about the reason why we celebrate the 4th of July. History tells us that it was because this group of pilgrims had an epic birthday party in 1776 and someone accidently shot off some fireworks. Then, the President of the United States (played by Bill Pullman), decided to get on the top of a car and declare to some people this to be “our Independence Day”, by fighting back against an alien attack. In the end though it was about my rights as an American citizen.
-I have the right to be bitter. Thank goodness for that because if not for that, I would just be a regular happy-go-lucky, happy-to-be-here person like the rest of Murica. Someone has t0 balance out all the joy that happens here.
-I have the right to have this ultra annoying, terribly written, grammatically incorrect, horribly badly spelled blog that contains all kinds of ridiculous writing on pointless and meaningless things.
-I have the right to lay on my couch and do nothing in the privacy of my own property. I have the right to own property, by paying some really badly run government office, that raises my taxes arbitrarily because they sense that someone is raising them somewhere else.
-I have the right to be passive aggressive with whoever I want by giving bitter stares at whoever is in the range of my stares. I also have the right to talk indirectly about things that make me bitter about a person right in front of them with someone else.
-I have the right to complain about people missing, say… a day after a holiday, that I have to work, and do their work for them.
-I have the right to complain about terrible food that I didn’t cook or pay for just because it is too dry.
-I have the right to forget that really clever thing that I was going to say.
-I have the right to take really bad blurry pictures, post them on Twitter, start a series called Bitter Blurry Pictures and makes lots of money for them.
-I have the right to let my gas tank get down to fumes before getting way overcharged for gas.
-I have the right to feel like Batman driving the Batmobile through the streets of Gotham as fireworks are shooting at me on the way home.
Most of all, I have the right to end this post at any time because I feel like it and you can’t make me write anymore.
Bitter Freedom Ben