My bitter career

My career in ballonery didn't take off.

My career in ballonery didn’t take off.

After a full week of working my arms by typing things on my computer, stretching on my couch and pushing the button on my remote control and my video game controller, I decided to declare myself eligible for the world arm wrestling championships.  Don’t be jealous.  Not everyone has what it takes, despite numerous movies and inspirational songs that claim that you can be whatever you put your mind to.  Falling just short of goals is something that I specialize in.  (That is if I had any goals.)

It took hard work and dedication, but I made it to Google, where I proceeded to search for the website where I had to fill out my application. I cruised through the name and address section like a boss. I barely even hesitated on the experience part of the application. I listed my solid record of 21-20 against my 3 year old niece(though one time she cheated by telling me that there was a pepperoni pizza on the table) and a very convincing almost comeback against my 5 year old son.  Hey, the kid was trained by me and I am an almost completed applicant.  So you can see how he would be pretty good right?

I then was brought to the video section where I was supposed to submit my video of awesomeness.  They showed a few examples.  I got to this one.  

The arm wrestling screaming match of the century.  (If you are in a place where loud noises would scare kids or employers you may want to wait until later.)

I’m out. 

My bitter career as an arm wrestler is done. 

Bitter Armed Ben

 

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72 thoughts on “My bitter career

  1. Pingback: Remote Control Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. Wow. That video was amazing. I’m trying to decide is life is better, or worse, now that I’ve seen it. Thanks Ben. You always take it to a new level….

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  3. you know, maybe the girl who lost should’ve spent more of her energy into wrestling rather than screaming. Then again, if she had, we would have to find someone else to laugh at.

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  4. If those two girls in the video put as much effort into solving world hunger as they did in that clip, we would all be fat and happy. I hope you don’t have to compete against one of them because they seem to be very bitter. I fear for your life.

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  5. Just great, so all those nice things my hubby and kids have been telling me were bold face lies! The shame of it all! I’m going now…, to crawl back in bed and under the comforter…where I will proceed to sob for at least a hour under my pillow! 🙂

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  6. Bahaaahahaa!! LOVE this! I can relate to your career in balloonery not taking off… 😀

    At one point, I thought that if I REALLY put my mind to it, and BELIEVED I could laugh my way to floating up to the ceiling (idea courtesy of Mary Poppins). So, I spent an entire day and a half laughing and laughing. I even tried to give myself a head-start by jumping up and down on the bed, but finally gave up when that didn’t turn out so well…

    Hmmm…now that I think about it, maybe Mary Poppins needs a good dose of bitter attention!

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    • Mary Poppins was a little to positive and happy. She definitely need a dose of bitterness or as I like to call it, “reality”. Welcome back, Lucky! We can’t wait to hear about what you were doing when you were gone!

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  7. My strongest arm is the one with the hand that holds my wine glass – no arm wrestling for me…the cost is too high…

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  8. Oh God, I laughed so hard at the dog balloon. I’ve got to gack that and post it to my FB page. Wow. What a short, bitter, career!

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  9. And to think I already bought tickets to see you get beat. Now what am I going to do with front row seats at the Mussel Inn Bitter Ass Extra Bitter Beer Finals? You bitter come up with a really bad idea or I’m going to get really really scary. You don’t want to see me scary. Well, maybe you do. It can only make your sorry life look bitter off..

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    • You could sell the front row tickets for a lot of money. Then you could send me the money for a handful of magic beans. Up at the top you can have as much gold as you can steal from the Giant.

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