Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the bitterest of them all? This guy! They say that the mirror is the gateway or doorway or window to the soul. And by they, I mean you know that guy or girl that said it once. Actually, maybe it is the eyes that are the window. Close enough. Anyways, mirrors are supposed to tell us something. What they tell us makes me bitter and here is why.
Mirrors lie all the time. When I walk by them, some weird looking, old balding guy with squinty sad eyes appears. What the mirror doesn’t tell you is that I am actually an attractive old balding guy with squinty sad bitter eyes. So inaccurate! And another thing. I am right handed. Not only did my parents tell me when I was young, but I also discovered on my own that I am in fact right handed. But for some reason, everytime I look, the mirror tells me that I am left handed. Why do you have to go and trick my mind into thinking that I am left handed, mirror? Do you get some twisted satisfaction about making me question my very handedness every time I look at you?
Mirrors are also lazy. Laziness works for some people like me. But mirrors are in the service industry and they should be working a little harder to please their customers. As a customer, they should be telling me that I am attractive and funny and laughing at all my jokes and telling me I look good in that(see this funny post). But for some reason mirrors only work when you look at them. I get that there are a few mirrors that work hard, like ones in haircut places or mirrors for people that love themselves too much, but most mirrors are lazy.
Mirrors have no original thought or creativity. When is the last time mirrors tried another color? How about at least a sepia or an offwhite? How about a different pose than the person is doing? How about a shave or haircut? Or making a girl look like a boy(or vice versa)? That would mix things up. But no, they always just have to be an exact copy of whatever their subject is(see the few notable exceptions in the pictures above).
Mirrors are vain. They are always looking at us with disdain like we are just some reflection. They check their teeth to see if there is any spinach, or if there is a smudge on their face. Or making sure their hair and make up is put on perfectly. At least that is what I have been told by girls I know…
The thing that makes me most bitter is the fact that if you break them, they give you 7 years bad luck. That is a lie too. I broke one 8 years ago and I am still experiencing bad luck. I’m really sorry that I broke you so many years ago, Mr. or Mrs. mirror, but it is about time you let me out of the curse. Here’s how: Let me win the lottery. And then I might not be so bitter. HA HA that was funny. I will always be bitter.