Mirror Bitterness

In the Mirror of Erised I would see more bitter Blog Followers

In the Mirror of Erised I would see more bitter Blog Followers

Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the bitterest of them all? This guy! They say that the mirror is the gateway or doorway or window to the soul. And by they, I mean you know that guy or girl that said it once. Actually, maybe it is the eyes that are the window. Close enough. Anyways, mirrors are supposed to tell us something. What they tell us makes me bitter and here is why.

Mirrors lie all the time. When I walk by them, some weird looking, old balding guy with squinty sad eyes appears. What the mirror doesn’t tell you is that I am actually an attractive old balding guy with squinty sad bitter eyes. So inaccurate! And another thing. I am right handed. Not only did my parents tell me when I was young, but I also discovered on my own that I am in fact right handed. But for some reason, everytime I look, the mirror tells me that I am left handed. Why do you have to go and trick my mind into thinking that I am left handed, mirror? Do you get some twisted satisfaction about making me question my very handedness every time I look at you?

The one mirror who defied the mirror code and leapt outside the box.

Mirrors are also lazy. Laziness works for some people like me. But mirrors are in the service industry and they should be working a little harder to please their customers. As a customer, they should be telling me that I am attractive and funny and laughing at all my jokes and telling me I look good in that(see this funny post). But for some reason mirrors only work when you look at them. I get that there are a few mirrors that work hard, like ones in haircut places or mirrors for people that love themselves too much, but most mirrors are lazy.

Mirrors have no original thought or creativity. When is the last time mirrors tried another color? How about at least a sepia or an offwhite? How about a different pose than the person is doing? How about a shave or haircut? Or making a girl look like a boy(or vice versa)? That would mix things up. But no, they always just have to be an exact copy of whatever their subject is(see the few notable exceptions in the pictures above).

Mirrors are vain. They are always looking at us with disdain like we are just some reflection. They check their teeth to see if there is any spinach, or if there is a smudge on their face. Or making sure their hair and make up is put on perfectly. At least that is what I  have been told by girls I know…

There goes my dreams for another 7 or 8 or more years.

There goes my dreams for another 7 or 8 or more years.

The thing that makes me most bitter is the fact that if you break them, they give you 7 years bad luck. That is a lie too. I broke one 8 years ago and I am still experiencing bad luck. I’m really sorry that I broke you so many years ago, Mr. or Mrs. mirror, but it is about time you let me out of the curse.  Here’s how:  Let me win the lottery.  And then I might not be so bitter. HA HA that was funny. I will always be bitter.

Arrrghhh

Bitter Ben

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19 thoughts on “Mirror Bitterness

  1. I think mirrors pick on me. Sometimes they show me food in my teeth and I know I can’t have food in my teeth. I am practically perfect. Sometimes they show my hair out of place. ugg stupid mirrors. 😉

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  2. I think a sepia mirror would be awesome. Or at the very least black and white. Also they should come with a special attachment that allows you to remove grey hairs and/or dark circles upon request. You know, I had never contemplated this before, but you are absolutely on the money. Mirrors are lazy bastards.

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  3. How often do you think people really look at themselves in the mirror? You know, like really focus on what you’re seeing there, and not just glancing for other purposes like to see if you have broccoli in your teeth? I often stare into the mirror trying to see what others do when they look at me. People tell me I look a lot younger than I am, so that mirror is a lying bitch!!

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  4. I have come to know for certain that mirrors are cold and unapologetic objects. They just look at you, looking at them, and say nothing. They never ask, “how’s your day”, or “that’s an ugly dress you have on, and you should change it before you leave the house, so that all your friends won’t be laughing at you for wearing it behind your back.”

    Why don’t mirrows do gloss overs. They never make your waistline look any smaller, neither do they cover up unsitely blackheads or pimples. They are cruel, cruel, cruel inanimate objects. They should at least learn how to lie to us.
    When we ask, “mirror, mirror, on the wall, who the fairest of them all”. They should say, “you are” even if you’re not. It would make for a great way to start out the day.

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  5. I have come to know for certain that mirrors are cold and unapologetic objects. They just look at you, looking at them, and they they nothing. They never ask, how’s your day, or that’s an ugly dress you have on, and you should change it before you leave the house, so that all your friends won’t be laughing at you for wearing it behind your back.

    Why don’t mirrows do gloss overs?. They never make your waistline look any smaller, neither do they cover up those unsitely blackheads or pimples. They are cruel, cruel, cruel inanimate objects. They should at least learn how to lie to us.
    When we ask, “mirror, mirror, on the wall, who the fairest of them all. They should say, “you are” even if your not. It would make for a great way to start out the day.

    Like

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