Celebrities make me so bitter. I get that some of them worked really hard to get to where they were. Some of them anyways. But most of them were entitled brats that think we as the general population should support them forever, because at one time, they did something unique or funny or they were cute. A handful of them are probably good people who deserve a portion of what they earn or get as celebrities. But none of them deserve everything given to them. Just like athletes they think they should earn “market value” for what they “help” earn a TV show or movie or whatever. Or what they bring into a club for appearing. But let’s be honest. They are people just like us, but they are just made up better than us. And maybe they have the ability to speak a little better than us when a camera is pointed at them. Weird how some of them can speak in front of a camera when they have the have millions of takes allowed, but when it comes to speaking live for award shows they can’t seem to make an intelligent 30 second speech. Let’s thank people and move on. I guess even celebrities can sound like idiots without editors. But as far as the millions of dollars they make more than us, totally unjustified. Remind you of CEO’s for major corporations?
So let’s just put aside that they make millions of dollars more than us just for showing up at a party that we all pay just to go to. Celebrities get all kinds of things in addition that we don’t even think of. What if you showed up in Hawaii at a restaurant and decided you didn’t want to pay? Call your agent get them to call the manager and tell them you want a free meal. It’s not like you can’t afford it with all your millions. Doesn’t matter, celebrities want meals for free and they get them. Some shop in London was closed at 6:00 pm and Oprah wanted to get in and they didn’t let her. Now everyone thinks this shop should be raked over the coals because Oprah wasn’t let in. I say good for them for not letting her in. Who does she think she is, Oprah? Yeah, I guess she does. If you really want us all to be able to relate to you, go the next day when they are open, like everyone else.
So, you are wondering about the celebrity rider thing right? If you don’t know what a celebrity rider is, it is simply their list of demands in their dressing room or trailers or whatever housing facility they get when they are working on some event that you have to pay them exhorbatant amounts of money to come and visit. You may have heard of some absurd and specific things they have asked for. I like to find celebrities that I really don’t like, for example Oprah, Jennifer Lopez or Julia Roberts and find the list of things they “can’t live without” on an appearance. Jennifer Lopez was at an African Aids charity gig and demanded her 40 foot trailer be decorated all in white from top to bottom. I don’t know about you, but if I was on that crew I would see if could sneak in a little red somewhere just to see how she reacted. I would love to see her chewing someone out and record it for all the world to see just to expose what a diva she is. Katy Perry has a 23 point principle driver list that demands the limo driver do things like not look at her or speak. Should he be able to look at the road or is that not allowed either?
So as you can see these celebrity riders make me so bitter. So I decided that when my bitter site makes me a celebrity I’m going to have my own bitter rider list.
1. I want a small plate of bitter foods, like rhubarb and uh, what other foods are bitter? Also a plate of warm cheese, some tap water, and Airheads. Any flavor will do. A nice healthy spread of carrots or celery and apples and oranges. Let’s be honest, I’m probably not going to eat any of this. Just bring some McDonalds. And maybe leave the Airheads.
2. I want a picture of some bitter guy or girl for inspiration placed near my dressing room.
3. I want a limo driver that is bitter about his job and sick of celebrities like myself. I want him to complain to me about it, so I can complain back.
4. I want flowers that are wilted and of no particular color. Just whatever you pick up at the local grocery store. None of the fancy arrangements. A vase is not needed either. Just keep them in the plastic.
5. For my entourage, could you just keep them in another room? They are just annoying and always asking me questions. Send them back to the hotel if they ask for too much. I mean, come on, they are just clinging to my fame.
6. Directions to a bathroom. I might need to use one to wash my face or hands before I start. I might get a little nervous or sweat a little. And after having McDonalds…
7. I need a seperate room for fuming about things I’m bitter about. Could be a janitor closet or broom closet.
8. Air conditioning or heat. Just something that makes noise.
Celebrity riders make me so bitter. So much so that I demand that you meet my demands or I will not write another bitter blog or post or word until you meet mine for the rest of the day.