Ben’s B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness

Welcome to Ben’s Bitter School of Bitterness.

Before we start the tour, let me tell you a little about me.  I am Bitter Ben, the Principle and Creator of the School here.  When we started all the way back in 2013, we found the world to have too much general happiness, contentment, smiling and joy.   After noticing that, we decided that this could not continue any longer without fighting against the plague of general happiness.  It is our mission to provide bitterness to kids of all ages to properly prepare themselves for a life filled with bitterness.   We provide this through extensive training.  Our legacy is to create an environment rich with negativity, jealousy, rage, and most of all bitterness.

Our School:

The B.I.T.T.E.R. school of Bitterness has doors that will eat you or only half transport you to something cool. http://tuttisworld.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/a-new-school/

The B.I.T.T.E.R. school of Bitterness has doors that will eat you or only half transport you to something cool. http://tuttisworld.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/a-new-school/

We would invite you, Bitter Parents to come to our campus and experience the Bitterness for yourselves.  Scholarships are available for no one and you can apply online, somewhere.

You Bitter Principle,

Bitter Ben

Bitter GIF of the Week and the B.I.T.T.E.R School of Bitterness

April 3, 2013 / Ben Gardner / Edit

The children are our future. We need to allow their bitterness come at a much younger age.

I was looking back to my first post a mere year ago, and it made me think.  (How dare you first post!)  It basically spells out my mission statement, my purpose for not only this blog, but the meaning of my life.  The world is getting sloppy with all its happiness and its upbeatness and its smiling and positivity.   I feel that I have done a decent job in getting people to at least think about the (ben)efits of bitterness and how it can have a negative impact on their lives.  A few people are biting and for them I give no kudos at all.  They are just doing the status quo and that should not be rewarded just as I should not be rewarded for doing this blog as it is just what I am good at.  However, it occurs to me that I am not doing enough to expand the world’s bitterness.

How can I (or we) as a bitter person(people) expand and grow our branding to make it possible for others to be bitter(besides all these paretheses that are driving me to bitter madness!)?  There is bittertising (which I spoke of not so eloquantly here) and I guess I could send bitter sales people out there knocking door to door spreading the bitterness one door at a time, but I don’t think that is enough.  There are other methods of marketing that we can explore.  There is the B2B(bitter to bitter), where I or my team or bitter business associates speak from my bitter business to their bitter busines.  Again, that takes care of a small portion of the population, but not enough.  I need to be more ambitious while sitting on my couch.  When I saw the GIF above and remembered the GIF from last weeks bitter picture of the week and it gave me  bitter goosepimples.  And also a spark of inspirational bitterness.

The children.  The passion for teaching our youth to be bitter isn’t there enough. We aren’t training them young enough.  Education should be our number 1 priority! We need to teaches kids at a young age to be bitter.  They are our future right?  How can we expect to leave our legacy of bitterness behind if we can’t teach the children who will someday take our places as the Bitter Pillars of the Community?  We can’t.  So here is what I propose.

We bitterly march on Washington, until we can get funding for a Bitterness Intelligent Training of Tots with Educational Resources (or B.I.T.T.E.R. for short).  My school will provide the youth of the world to learn about bitterness is a careless environment.  Who is with me?  Anyone? No?  Fine, well if no one is with me, I will start small with my own kids.  Hey guys, who wants to play on this teeter totter with no one on the other side?  (I think that is a good start).  The infection will catch on and before you know it, you will be begging me to you kids into B.I.T.T.E.R.  Academy of Bitterness.  By then I might not let you get in.  And you will be bitter at an older age.

By the way, thanks not at all for your support.  We will go a short way without you.

Arrrggghhhhh

Ben “Arrgghhhstituionalized” Ben

 

 

104 thoughts on “Ben’s B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness”

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  11. Uh-oh…So that would make me your mortal enemy… This going to be much more difficult than I thought. But, being the forever optimist, I reuse to give up! 🙂

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    • *Refuse* I am highly medicated, recovering from emergency surgery and only half awake. Sorry for the typos. But if it makes you feel ANY better, I’m TOTALLY not a morning person. Don’t even look at me until I’ve finished a 24oz. cup of coffee. Today? I can’t drive. I have no way to get to the store to get my coffee. Today is going to be a very rough day for me… I’m already praying that someone comes to solicit their religion so I can answer my door half naked and a bloody mess, only for them to say “Oh…Is now not a good time?” “No you flipping idiot! Now would be GREAT! Come on in and tell my why your God is so much better than mine. Here…sit on the couch, but be careful. That’s where I sit everyday to write and I’m being treated for MRSA. But DO come right on in you tools!”

      Hey… I kinda feel better. What’s your hourly rate?

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      • I wish I was more of a “highly medicated” person, but I only have Aleve and a few lame drugs that help my heartburn and such. I am totally a morning person and by that I mean I wake up early in the morning and am as grumpy then as I am the rest of the day.
        And as far as my hourly rate, $40 /hr.

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        • OMG I’m so sorry, but your bitterness has me in stitches. I know you’re trying to be angry and mean, but you’re cracking me up!! Maybe it’s the meds… You made me smile though, and I certainly wasn’t expecting that! Hope you have a crappy day 😉

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        • I was kidding!!! I don’t want you to have a crappy day!! I’m just bitter because my ex is a complete tool!! I want to borrow your bitter brain so I can destroy him in court. I want YOU to smile!

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        • It’s not difficult. Go buy a jalapeno pepper and shove it up your ass. That’s bound to make you a bit grumpy. Especially if you leave it there.

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        • Well, you’ve got me in stitches… maybe you’re in the wrong profession. You should try stand up comedy. What’s the worst that could happen? You fail? Well, that’ll give you even MORE to be bitter about, making life absolutely grand!

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        • You better believe I’m in the wrong profession. I listen to people complain all day. I’m in customer service. Some guy just called me demanding that I take his order for a gun and we don’t even sell them. We sell radios. I guess he isn’t able to dial a phone correctly?

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        • LOL Do I ask for Bitter Ben? Or do I just ask to be connected to the “Bitter” department? Ahhh man… I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you so much. I AM sorry about your position, as I know how horrible customer service is. I’m definitely feeling your pain. But, I learned early on that it wasn’t for me, and bailed out at the first chance I got. So, I’ll offer you some advice that once worked for me.

          You’re on the phone, the caller is a man. He’s extremely over weight, sitting in a ripped up broken recliner, calling to complain that his previous purchase isn’t working. Just think… use your imagination. He has skin tags and cottage cheese between his fat rolls. Let your imagination run wild! Have fun with it!!

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        • It’s not hard to find me, but if you did ask for Bitter Ben they would know exactly who you were asking for. If you called it would only be one of three people answering and most certainly be me, because I’m the only one that does any work around here.
          I don’t even want to imagine that man that you are talking about, thank you very little. I think I will imagine him being a bitter old man because his ex wife was writing a letter to the judge and she was making him pay dearly for all the court costs. That sounds like someone that I wouldn’t want to help.

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        • I was in customer service. WAS being the operative word. Me and people? We don’t mesh very well. I think I’m a public safety hazard. Just ask my ex.

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        • I’ve been in cusstomer(spelled wrong on purpose) service for 17 or 18 years now. It’s a bad fit for me. But hard to get out of once you start. Can you see how I might be somewhat bitter?

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        • Okay… I’m getting a better picture. But it’s VERY easy to eloquently tell a customer to go fuck themselves. I’ve done it on several occasions.

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        • Oh trust me, I am a skilled master at telling people off in my very eloquent yet bitter voice, but it wears on you after a day. Now multiply that times however many days there are in 18 years and it starts to make you bitter. That’s why I started this whole blog.

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        • I’m a pretty good button pusher when I want to be. As long as I know someone a little while. Most people don’t like being bitter (uh hem) so that it a button they don’t like.

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        • Well I only happen to have one button, and that’d be my ex husband. Other than that…? I’m just one big ray of sunshine!! 😀

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        • Well, if you’re talking about MY button, there’s really nothing you can say. He’s a loser and means nothing to me. So call him names or sing his praises. Doesn’t bother me a bit. To get upset would mean that I care. If you knew what this man has done to this child, you’d probably like to see his head on a platter, and that’s without even knowing him personally. I only get upset when my son is reduced to tears because of something this “man” has said or done to him. And that is why, as soon as I can walk again, I’m going to file for sole custody, and I’m going to get it. Everyone says it’s near impossible to do in NY. Watch me.

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    • That is correct. We are mortal enemies. I did do a post about a year and a half ago about finding more enemies and it was quite a sucess. Perhaps if you read that one you will know what I am looking for in an enemy.

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  13. Bitterly hysterical -but I promise, I’m only laughing on the inside so as not to embitter you more…wait, but you want to be bitter, so truthfully, to embitter you IS better! Now I have a headache (and 1+1 = 0)

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  16. I teach in a school district in the Dallas area. I thought upon reading this that you were our new principal. But you spelled it wrong. I realize you are talking about the principle of being bitter. Which is all right, because even though my school is near Dallas, it is not quite as bitter as the school you describe… though almost.

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  25. Recently, a waiter accidentally spilled olive oil all over my purse. I wasn’t too upset about it, but my dinner companions thought I should have gotten really mad at him…This is the first place I thought to go. Ben’s B.I.T.T.E.R School of Bitterness. 😀

    I am having bitterness withdrawal!

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    • You know this always a welcome forum for complaining, moaning and bittering. Feel free to apply for school where you will learn in depth how to be really bitter about waiters that spill stuff on you. Your dinner companions will be shocked about how bitter you become.

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    • I was thinking more bitter type foods. Kids need to be able be bitter at lunch as well as in their classes. You should know that no one will be paid to work in the cafeteria. Still want the job?

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